The Worst Near Nip Slip In The History of Mankind

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Some things don’t need explanation. In this case, the only thing we will say is that the tailor responsible for sewing those fettucini straps on Aretha Franklin should get his own bronze at the Vatican. We don’t know want to know what kind of prunes Aretha is hiding in that dress. Related question: Can battery acid in the eyes erase memories?

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SIZZLER: George Clooney Finds a GILF?

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CLOONEYBARKIN.JPGBritish tabloids are reporting that 45-year-old silver fox George Clooney has been shacking up with his Oceans 13 co-star, the radiant Ellen Barkin, who, at 52, is seven years his senior. Clooney is well known for his young tail exploits, while Barkin has just lived through an incredibly messy divorce to the world’s richest bald man, Revlon owner Ron Perelman. And even at 52, Barkin looks better than most of the starlets gracing the magazine pages these days… she was Diane Lane before Diane Lane was Diane Lane. And Clooney may be the worldliest/classiest man on the planet. So what’s in the stars for these two? We’ve popped a quarter into the “BWE Love-o-Tron” to see how compatible this pairing is… and take a look!

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Rosie Responds To Photoshop Claim… In Annoying, Verse Form

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Katie Couric isn’t the only celebrity involved in a photoshop scandal this week (we use the word “scandal” loosely seeing how nobody actually cares). It seems that the folks over at ABC decided to trim a few layers off of new View co-host Rosie O’Donnell as well. Rosie, as she tends to do, responded on her website:
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i saw the view black suit photo
on drudge
and i vote yes
it was photo-shopped
look at the amount of white space
between my arm and body
barbara and elisabeth seem to vanish
there in my underarm thinnest
yes i say
photoshop

So there you have it; even Rosie thinks the photograph is doctored. Of course, that begs the question: if they’re photoshopping Rosie O’Donnell pictures, why stop at just the love handles? Why not go all out, like this?
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Project Runway: Topless Kayne Was In Our Nightmare

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Jeffrey.JPGProject Runway is growing increasingly more disturbing. Whereas in the last two seasons, even the villains and/or talentless hacks were still somehow likable (Santino, Wendy Pepper, et al.), this season we have Jeffrey, a weak-chinned miscreant who hotglues litterbox lining into dresses, and Vincent, who will be a shoe-in during next week’s designer straight-jacket challenge. Even the gays aren’t as snappy! Let’s take a look at this week’s most disturbing highlights:

  • The Jeffrey vs. Angela Debate: At first, Angela’s borderline sniveling/rosettey presence made us really dislike the girl. Then, Jeffrey’s vicious bullying attitude towards the girl made us Wayne’s World ourselves back to middle school, and hate him. Last night their bickering reached its peak, with Jeffrey harping over Angela’s mom and her “sad eyes.” Our only regret was that once Angela was eliminated at the end of the challenge, she didn’t give the guy a lanky middle finger.
  • Michael teaching Kayne how to model. OK, Michael’s no Miss Jay, but seeing as he’s “done some modeling work”, he should be pretty good, right? Well, let’s put it this way… his strut was borderline similar to the way we walk after one too many swills from our hipflask. Our favorite line of the night goes to Kayne, with his “It’s easier when you’re from the ghetto… I’m from white trash.” We hear white trash is beautiful this time of year.
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Smells Like Duff Spirit

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duffperfume.JPGHilary Duff is the latest celebrity to turn her inexplicable fame into a brand of fashion and beauty products aimed at teen girls still foolish enough to think she’s worth emulating. Your friends here at BWE have already tracked down the first ad for her new fragrance (click thumbnail to see it), so what do you think? A splash behind the ears before a hot date, or a spray in the face for date rapists?

Personally, there’s only one Duff I want to smell like:

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ICYMI: Even House Has to Pay The Rent

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You know the term “Some men get better with age”? We’re pretty sure Hugh Laurie, Evvy Award© Winner for “Emmy’s Sexiest Man”, is one of those guys. Check out this 1986 Polaroid commercial, where a less scruffy, almost Saget-esque Laurie tries his best to instantly capture the soul-baring pain of a struggling actor.

(Video via Popwatch)

The 5 Most Absurd Moments In VMA History

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In honor of the VMA’s tonight, Cracked put together a list of the 5 Most Absurd Moments in VMA history. I’m not sure why narrowed it down to five– the list could be much, much longer– but they pretty much hit the nail on the head. Especially with their inclusion of R. Kelly’s epic, unforgettable performance of “Trapped In The Closet” (below). If you’ve never seen it, be warned: you’ll never, ever, ever be the same again.

So what was your favorite VMA moment?

PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: Jessica Gives A Sign

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Erin Moore.JPGJessica (thankfully) still doesn’t have a voice, which means this photoshop contest (thankfully) still isn’t over. Call it a win-win.

Since we’ve gotten so many great submissions, we’re going to give away a prize to our favorite one at the end of the day. So email your photoshops now to contests@bwe.tv; the winner gets an original F*ck Stereogum T-shirt.

So click below to get the picture to work with and check out some of the best ones we’ve gotten so far. Good luck!

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SIZZLER: John Travolta Is Not Gay

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Look, I really don’t see what the big deal is here. So John Travolta is boarding his private jet while planting a strong, powerful man-kiss onto the mouth of some dude with a desperate passion known only to wives whose husbands have been away at war for six or seven years. Form your own conclusions, but this is the 90′s, you know – things are different now. Also, he’s a Scientologist.

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One question, though – in the highly unlikely circumstance that John Travolta were to be gay, would he be considered a bear?

(pic via ONTD)