Kazakhstan Ridicules Self Just Fine Without Borat


kazakhistupid.JPGFor a country so outraged by a comedian’s portrayal of their people as laughable charmingly-racist imbeciles, you’d think Kazakhstan might make a few “above and beyond” efforts to prove themselves otherwise. Like, oh I don’t know…making sure the word “bank” is spelled properly ON THEIR NATIONAL CURRENCY! But I guess you need not bother with inconsequential details such as “spell-checking” when you’re filming a forty million dollar propaganda movie whose whole message is essentially, “Nuh-uh!” Does anyone know how many Kazakhis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

PROPPED: All Borat, All the Time


In anticipation of the release of Borat, now only T-minus 16 days-and-counting away from hitting theaters, we will continue our shameless ’round-the-clock plugging of a movie in which we have no particular investment other than our own burning desire to laugh our faces off at it. The latest morsel of hilarity comes via reader Brooklyn Ski Club, who dropped us a link to SIX seperate deleted scenes from the film, our personal favorite being the one below, wherein Borat explains to the Dallas PD why they’d be wise to leave his “anoose” alone. Check it out and don’t forget to keep dropping us the goods, Borat-related or otherwise!

SIZZLER: If You Want Some Candy, And You Think He’s Sexy


rodparis.jpgSomebody call Dateline’s Chris Hansen, because it sounds like we need to catch a predator! Rod Stewart recently told Blender magazine that he would have diddled his daughter Kimberly’s friend Paris Hilton back when he first laid eyes on her, when she was a not-quite-ripe 14 years of age. Here’s what he said (steel your stomachs):

“She was very attractive then… I happened to notice. She would have definitely fallen into the right parameters.”

After you finish pondering exactly what “parameters” could possibly be “right” for a leathery, wart-covered old rocker to engage in coital activities with his teenage daughter’s BFF, consider the possibility that this seemingly small revelation could actually be the missing link we’ve all been searching for, finally explaining the mysterious phenomenon of Paris Hilton’s insatiable libido. Could it all really be traced back to an unseemly incident during a sleepover party at the Stewart home in which Rod, having had twelve scotches too many, did some midnight marauding with Paris on the bottom bunk bed whilst his daughter unknowingly slept only a few feet above? That mental image alone is enough to make us want to forgive Paris just a little bit.

SIZZLER: Trouble in Aryan Paradise?



One of our favorite things in life are couples who look like they could be brother and sister. Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, Geena Davis and Treebeard from Lord of the Rings… if they look like a Maury Povich segment waiting to happen, we tend to get attached. Which is why we were nothing short of devastated to learn that perhaps the most famous brother/sister couple in Hollywood, Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon, were overheard having a spat at the Flags Of Our Fathers premiere.

A spy overheard Reese telling Ry-Ry “I don’t know what you mean by saying I am embarrasing you, how could you say I am embarrasing you?” They left the hotel only 15 minutes later. And, as Cityrag notes, judging by the pictures from the premiere, these two had likely been spatting all night. Tonight, when we kneel by our bed for our daily prayers, we will include Ryan and Reese in them… if only to guarantee the idyllic future of the blondest, whitest chlidren on Earth.

While You Were Picking African Baby Names


  • Madonna insists that she followed proper procedure in order to adopt a baby African boy. She’s been sending that “less than the price of a cup of coffee” money to Africa for years and dammit, she’s ready to collect.
  • Chris Rock’s mother is set to sue the chain restaurant Cracker Barrel for racism. Weird. I always thought it’d be a white person suing Cracker Barrel for that.
  • Vince Vaughn has threatened to sue the tabloids that reported he was cheating on Jennifer Aniston. Not because they’re wrong, but because they’re being total cockblocks.
  • Tom Cruise is desperate to star in a film with British heartthrob David Beckham. He wants it to be a cross between Mission Impossible and Screeched!
  • Heather Mills is accusing estranged husband Paul McCartney of repeated violence against her. Paul denies it, noting that she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, October 17th


It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, October 17th! Giulia is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Dancing With The Stars, Hip Hop Honors and True Life!




  • WESLEY SNIPES FINANCIAL TIP: Always bet on black. Always pay your taxes. (Reuters)
  • OH, JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP ALREADY: Earth to Madonna – we all stopped caring back around Swept Away, so just don’t forget to turn the light out when you’re done doing your little attention dance, m’kay? (Madonnalicious)
  • LITERARY NIP-SLIP: She may not be Lindsay Lohan, but Amy Sedaris‘ cleavage-enhanced book reading inevitably resulted in a bookish boner or two. (CC Insider)
  • CORPORATE HACK: The Belush says he loves doing corporate comedy gigs because the audience “has been fed and liquored up, and they’re ready for a good time”. Curiously, he makes no mention of the money they pay him. (Page Six)
  • ENDED BIDDING: An eBay auction for a date with Paula Abdul ended without a single bidder. I guess the $26,000 starting price, the $500 shipping costs and the mandatory $367,890 bar tab was just a bit too steep. (TV Squad)
  • UMPTEENTH REASON YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING ‘THE WIRE': Clay Davis’ ability to stretch out a vowel. (YouTube)