Making Sense of Emmy Award Senselessness

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emmy-award.jpgThere is no such thing as an unimportant awards show, and the television Emmy Awards is one of the most vital recognitions of high art that this country has. This year’s nominations were announced earlier today, so we decided to take a closer look at several of the categories in an attempt to better understand exactly what these nominations mean for both television and the future of all humanity as we now know it.

Best Comedy Series

“Arrested Development,” Fox
“Curb Your Enthusiasm,” HBO
“The Office,” NBC
“Scrubs,” NBC
“Two and a Half Men,” CBS

We’re not really sure how a Charlie Sheen/Jon Cryer rip-off of My Two Dads could possibly be considered better than Entourage, or how Scrubs could still be so popular, or how Arrested Development could ever have been cancelled, but none of that really matters since The Office will win anyway, and rightly so. There is simply no taming of the Schrute.

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It’s July 6th; What’s up?

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dudesons.jpgWindfall, Big Brother 7, Master of Champions… nah.

Sure there’s a lot of good new stuff on tonight, and interesting premieres (The Dudesons, anybody?), but I think I’m going to stick with the classics. And by that I mean, repeats of The Office and Grey’s Anatomy. Hey, I’m a traditionalist.

So what are YOU watching tonight? Click below and Vote Now!

ICYMI: Weird Polish Movie Posters

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polishterminator.jpgI love in when I stumble upon stuff online that is just plain awesome. Retrocrush found a super-rad website that sells a wide variety of original theatrical posters from Hollywood movies playing in Poland. This might not sound very exciting, but you’ve got to see some of the weird, surreal stuff those crazy Polish people came up with for films like Gremlins, Weekend at Bernie’s, Short Circuit and The Terminator (seen at left). I’ll post a few of my favorites after the jump, but I recommend checking them all out for yourselves!

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UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Hot Bikini Beaches

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lindsay-lohan-bikini-4-02b.jpgIf there’s anything that just says “summertime fun”, it’s packing a blanket, heading to the beach and watching all the beautiful bikini-clad babies sunbathe and sip strawberry daiquiris. Movie starlets seem to enjoy showcasing their prized bodies at the beach even more than most people, and while some of them are scorching hot (UPGRADE), others just look like cold fish (DOWNGRADE). Tell us which of these sunbathing beauties make your temperature rise, and which ones just give you the chills.

David Hasselhoff: King Of The Internet

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hasselhoff.jpg
Now this is a cause we can get behind.

Think what he’s given to the world. Knight Rider. Baywatch. The reunification of East and West Germany. Untold laughter from forwarded e-mails of him in hotpants. He’s given a lot. It’s time we gave something back.

By clicking here and joining the campaign, you’ll be doing your part to help the Hoff hit #1. Once they hit the 75,000 member mark, you’ll get an email (The Hoff Alert) to buy a Hoff single on iTunes. This should be enough to send the man to the top of the charts.

So go sign up, and be a part of something truly great. Do it for the Hoff. Do it for the world. Do it for yourself. Because how could you not want this man to be #1?

While You Were Testing Long-Range Missles

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  • Jennifer Lopez’s ex-husband claims the star practices voodoo and casts spells on her exes. And finally, the mystery of what really happened to Diddy’s P. is solved.
  • Aaron Spelling’s widow plans on selling the mansion they lived in for $150 million. Though she’d be willing to give daughter Tori a family discount and cut it down to $149 million.
  • Dakota Fanning has been selected to join the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. Her publicist called the nomination the final step in her plan to turn the 12-year-old into a creepy middle aged woman.
  • Michael Jackson has turned to Eminem for help. Though its unclear if it’s to help him record a new album or for tips on how to kill his ex-wife.
  • Rush Limbaugh has been cleared in Viagra probe. And I sincerely hope that that’s the last time you ever see the words “Limbaugh”, “Viagra”, and “probe” in the same sentence ever again.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, July 5th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, July 5th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Rock Star, America’s Got Talent, and So You Think You Can Dance?!

…Of The Day

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  • I THINK IT’S CALLED PUBERTY: A freak accident left this man obsessed with sex. (Daily Mail)
  • TAKE TWO: Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson, together again. You can sleep easy. (Cityrag)
  • CRAZY QUOTE: “Women should know their place.”- James Brown. I think their place should be ‘far away from James Brown.’ (D-Listed)
  • POST TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER/WORSE ABOUT YOURSELF: National Enquirer made a list of the best and worst celebrity beach bodies. And they didn’t stop there. (Celebitchy)
  • INSIDE JOKE: PapaZao was a joke! K-Fed is a genius! He’s going to blow us all away, you just wait and see! For reals! (Tabloid Whore)