ICYMI: Bruce Dines Hard With a Vengeance

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brucepissed.jpgThis week a celebrity photographer filed a police report against Bruce Willis, alleging that the action star assulted him while walking into a swanky sushi bar, resulting in scratches and a chipped tooth from the camera hitting his face. Take a look at this exclusive video footage (scroll down- Lulop asked us to remove the deep link) of the incident and decide whether Bruce went a little too “Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker” on the guy, or if it’s just another case of pouting paparazzi.

POLL: Is Humanitarian Aid the New AIDS?

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angelinaAIDS.jpgLike everything else in Hollywood, philanthropic causes are susceptible to the fickle nature of celebrities, who are desperate to associate themselves with whatever happens to be the hippest, hottest issues du jour. The AIDS epidemic, in it’s 25th year of destructive existence, now seems to have been tossed aside by Hollywood do-gooders like an ironic trucker’s hat, just another tired trend abandoned for the latest vogue charitable causes – African countries no one’s previously heard of, environmental warming type stuff, “stopping” Bush, and so on and so forth. Angelina Jolie, like a way hotter and more famous Sally Struthers, has almost single-handedly turned the bright lights of Tinseltown towards the abject misery and suffering that impoverished African nations have been experiencing, to no one’s particular interest, for decades. So is Hollywood’s waning concern for the global threat of AIDS the result of Charity Attention Deficit Disorder, or have they collectively decided that the disease is only a real threat to poor people in Africa, who they’re now trying to help anyway? And if the latter is true, is that why celebrities recently seem to have forgotten about the existence of condoms and keep getting themselves knocked up? Take our poll and tell us what YOU think is the #1 coolest cause to be seen with today!

“Rape A Baby?” is totally the new “How Ya Doing?”

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Remember when we told you how Jenna Elfman and her husband accosted director John Roecker for wearing a “Scientology is Gay” T-shirt?” We thought the most bizarre part of the story was that Jenna asked Roecker if he ever “raped a baby.” Well, apparently that phrase isn’t just something she picked up on the set of Dharma & Greg. The Scoop explains:

What on earth was Jenna Elfman referring to when she asked film director John Roecker, “Have you raped a baby?” The “Keeping the Faith” star reportedly asked the question of Roecker when she saw him wearing a T-shirt mocking her religion, Scientology. “It’s one of the questions Scientologists are asked by Scientology leaders when they’ve misbehaved,” a source familiar with the religion explains.

So there you have it; it’s just a normal Scientology phrase. Now whoever said that that religion was weird?

Crime Drama Gets Racy, Complaints Get Even Racier

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Look, everyone gets their kicks in their own way. Some people like to watch teen sex, while others like to write about it graphically, in outrage. After a recent episode of the CBS crime drama “Without a Trace,” that showed a little too much hot teen sex, the network was flooded with emails that graphically describe the offenses of the orgy scene depicted on the show, even though most came from people who didn’t even see the episode. As a result, the FCC served CBS with a $3.3 million indecency fine.

According to the sexually-frustrated complaint from the Parents Television Council, the episode features a teen in “a bra and panties sitting astride the lap of a teenaged boy” and other young actors making “sexual bump and grind motions.” Astride? Bump n Grind? It must have taken a lot of restraint to not use the phrase “pulsating love plunger.” Though I do think the complaint’s cover page featured Fabio in an unbuttoned blouse. If you don’t get off on graphic harlequin-style parental complaints, you may prefer to watch the actual clip in question here. To each his own.

SIZZLER: Lohan Is Madonna’s Next Apprentice

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madonnaheadband.jpgNow that promising pupil Darth Britney Spears has been vanquished by the Jedi mind tricks of K-Fed, the Sith Lord Madonna has taken on a new apprentice – Darth Lindsay Lohan. MSNBC reports that Lohan’s initial flirtation with Kabbalah has evolved into some heavy petting via regular meetings with the Material Girl, and is now reaching the point of consumation, as the two divas are now discussing collaborating on a duet. So can we look forward to seeing these multi-generational sex symbols engaged in an awkwardly calculated mother-daughter Awards Show lesbian kiss anytime soon? Unfortunately, they just missed the MTV Movie Awards and the Oscars are still months away.

It’s June 15th; What’s up?

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windfall.jpgSo I have a question for you: Should I start watching Windfall? I feel like I should. Apparently it’s going to be the big hit of the summer, and since I have a history of missing big shows when they first come out (i.e. Lost, The O.C., Freddie, etc.) I’m thinking I should get on the Windfall wagon right away so I’m not left out. But I don’t know. Is it any good? Help.

Believe it or not, Windfall isn’t even the must-see show of the night. That award goes to its lead-in, Dateline, which centers around the very emotional and very pregnant Britney Spears. Based on the NBC promo, you know she’s going to break down and bawl her eyes out on at least one occasion. The over/under in Vegas is 3. You have to watch.

Beyond all that, tonight we have the season premiere of three MTV shows: Making The Band 3, Run’s House, and Pimp My Ride. So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!

While You Were Playing Hookie

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Best Night Ever: Wednesday, June 14th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, June 14th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including So You Think You Can Dance?, Blue Collar TV, and Dog Bites Man!

…Of The Day

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  • THE SO-NOT-ENTERTAINING-IT’S-ENTERTAINING CONCEPT: The Worst of YouTube. (Dinnerpartyhead)
  • MISTAKEN IDENTITY: Matt Dillon mistaken for crazy knife-wielding maniac. Though he was just happy to be recognized. (BlogNYC)
  • DIE HARD, PUNCH HARDER: A paparazzo claims Bruce Willis attacked him. So… where are the pictures then? (TMZ)
  • DISTURBING PARENTING NEWS: Pam Anderson says her kids use the stripper pole in her bedroom more than she does. Don’t even ask about the handcuffs. (WWTDD)
  • CANDY: Chocolate Covered Penis… if you’re David Gest, that is. (Tabloid Whore!)

Celebrity Converts: Jesus 1, Tom Cruise 0

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tc.jpgTom Cruise has been actively recruiting Hollywood super-couple Brangelina ever since they had their baby. He’s offered Angelina humanitarian awards, and Brad paternal advice. He’s even lent the couple his private jet. But no matter what he does, beautiful, successful, emotionally-fulfilled Brangelina just won’t join Scientology.

Of course they won’t, they don’t need to. Tom’s heart’s in the right place, but he’s going about things in the wrong way. Every religious leader knows the best converts are people in crisis. Just ask Jesus, he’s already got his celebrity quota in the bag. Today drug-addled rehab-bound Pete Doherty told press he’s been talking to the big C, who told him to “pull himself together and repent his sins.” Now that’s the what we’re talking about, Tom, tough love on down-and-out celebrities. That’s the only way to play this crazy religion game. It also couldn’t hurt to drop the whole the alien thing. It’s kind of creeping people out.