SIZZLER: Louisiana Bracing For Hurricane Britney?

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britneycountry.jpgEven though the wounds inflicted by Hurricane Katrina have yet to heal, the citizens of Louisana could be facing yet another horrifying disasterBritney Spears and Kevin Federline moving back to the pop princess’ home state. What will happen to life in the sleepy town of Kentwood, Louisana when residents are suddenly confronted with the terrifying reality of a du-rag wearing, blunt-smoking white boy who is constantly having loud “rap battles” with his “OG homies” from suburban Fresno whilst his barefoot bride looks on disdainfully instead of paying attention to her child, who is always playing in traffic? Even by Southern standards, is rural Louisiana ready for the redneck antics of the Spears-Federline clan?

Beverly Hillbillies, indeed.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Daily Refill and ProductShopNYC cope with the difficulty of not getting Radiohead tickets by posting a bunch of the band’s new material, leaked from live performances.
  • The Rawking Refuses to Stop is rawking some nice live cuts from Jeff Tweedy.
  • Villiage Indian has a bunch of good mp3s, including the must-listen track from buzz-addled newcomers Beirut.
  • MOKB is celebrating their namesake horse race with some good covers from Band of Horses and My Morning Jacket.
  • YANP posts a nice springtime song from Snowglobe, an amazing band who also happen to be friends of mine.
  • Mocking Music isn’t making a mockery of the impressively prolific pop masters in Bishop Allen.

SIZZLER: Katie Nurses Real Baby

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If you still don’t believe Katie was really pregnant, here’s more strategically placed proof: Katie’s nursing bra. On a recent night out to dinner with Tom, Katie’s low-cut shirt just happened to reveal the bra she wears to feed Suri. We’re sure Tom had nothing to do with this fashion faux-pas. But if you’d like to see Holmes’ stretch marks, all you have to do is ask.

Check out more pictures of TomKat’s night out here!

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Mission Unprofitable

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mi-3_rt.jpgWhat happens when you launch a costly, multi-vehicular air, land and sea publicity assault on the biggest metropolitan area in the world? Apparently not much. Here are the top five films you chose to waste your hard-earned money on last weekend.

1. Tom Cruise’s increasingly insane real-life antics are proving to be far better entertainment than the movies he makes between his patented brand of publicity nightmares – $48 million

2. No wonder M:I3 opened to such poor numbers, considering the stiff competition it had from the Robin Williams-on-vacation-in-a-motorhome-hijinx-ensue-comedy in it’s second week of release – $11.1 million

3. I see dead people: Donald Sutherland and Sissy Spacek’s slumming performances – $6.4 million

4. You know what, “stick it” up your ass$5.5 million

5. Grave-robbing is not nearly as profitable as Hollywood had been expecting – $5.2 million

PROPPED: Guttenberg on Wheels

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Props to nthdegree for bringing us this old-school footage (via Gothamist) of Steve Guttenberg roller skating through the steets of New York City in the Village People movie “Can’t Stop the Music.” You see kids, in 1980, when the movie was made, roller skating was New York’s primary form of public transportation. And nobody could roll and rock like the Gutts.

Got a story for us? Drop It now!

While You Were Never Drinking Tequila Again

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  • A court awarded David Hasselhoff joint custody of his children following his bitter divorce from estranged ex-wife Pamela Bach. The Hoff is relieved to have his kids back, but is still pissed that the b*tch got to keep KITT.
  • Courtney Love revealed that the first time she met Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, she was high on crack. She then revealed that she was also high on crack while revealing the previous revelation.
  • By now one would think it impossible to learn that Kevin Federline could possibly be any more of an idiot than he already seems. But then one would see this picture, and inherently know they had been oh so very wrong.
  • Oh, and when K-Fed isn’t standing triumphantly atop a Maserati he doesn’t own, he’s pressing the buttons of his ATM machine/wife, who keeps telling him “insufficient funds”.
  • Zack Morris knocked up his wife, who sadly isn’t Kelly Kapowski.

It’s May 8th; What’s up?

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tv set.jpgI know we throw around the term “best ever” pretty freely over here (can you blame us?), but I’m not kidding when I say tonight may be the best night ever when it comes to watching TV. You have David Blaine committing suicide holding his breath for 9 minutes and the Prison Break-ers busting out. You have a ton of guest stars– Wanda Sykes on The New Adventures of Old Christine, Dr. Frasier Crane as The Angel of Death on Medium, Vivica A. Fox on All of Us, and Wayne Brady on Girlfriends (Girlfriends!) You have Jessica Biel returning for the series finale of 7th Heaven, and at least 4 or 5 people returning to ABC to watch the season finale of What About Brian. Oh, and a brand new episode of 24. My DVR may explode tonight. So what are YOU watching? Vote now!

POLL: Jessica Vs. Jennifer-Who’s Looks Better with a Bob?

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Last week Jennifer Love Hewitt went from Maxim babe to mama’s girl when she chopped her long brown locks and debuted a short, reddish bob. This week, Jessica Simpson covered up her long blond trademark hair and walked the red carpet, wearing a similar short red bob. We don’t know who’s got bigger problems: Jennifer who’s got at least a year before her hair grows back, or Jessica who’s sporting a wig from her upcoming line of hairpieces.
While both hairstyles will be a hit with middle-aged moms, who do you think looks better with the bob?

Scientologists Love MI3!!!

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cruise.jpgYes, Mission Impossible 3 only finished up the weekend with“disappointing” $48 million. But who cares? I want you to forget about the casual movie goer and forget about “normal people.” M:I3 was a big hit amongst the one group of people that matters the most- Scientologists.

Or was it…

People in Holllywood have noticed an “unusual pattern of ticket sales” at the Arclight Theater… a movie theater conveniently located right next to the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center.

…an ArcLight employee did confirm to me just now that “people have been buying dozens of tickets at a time” for MI3, which is definitely an extraordinary sales pattern for the movie theater (or any theater, for that matter).

Hmmm, interesting. I’m not sure if I buy the conspiracy theory, though. What would you expect Scientologists to buy dozens of tickets for? RV? Come on now.

Best Night Ever: Sunday, May 7th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, May 7th! Jason is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Simpsons, Family Guy, Sopranos, and Grey’s Anatomy!