Message to Jews: Buckle up for the best Yom Kippur ever. Never will the taste of your own dry saliva seem sweeter than when Mel Gibson is delivering the keynote address at your temple. Los Angeles Rabbi David Baron had the foreskin to invite Gibson to speak at his synagogue on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The L.A. Temple of the Arts boasts the largest number of Yids in the entertainment industry (making it also the headquarters for at least half-a-million conspiracy theories), and would be the ideal Semitic Debutante’s Ball for Gibson to “come out” at. What makes the invitation so appealing are the possibilities… Gibson, tanked on Manischevitz and gefilte fish, cracking his awkward opening joke — “Boy, is it just me, or is it an oven in here?” — following that up with some delightful Lethal Weapon-esque stigmata comparison, and capping it off with a heartfelt apology, given while running his hands over the head of the Rabbi’s wife checking for… lice. He’s like your crazy, racist, Malibu-owning Uncle you love to hate. I’ve already cleaned my fridge and reserved my ticket in anticipation. (Image courtesy of the Mel Gibstein t-shirt.)
Take a look at today’s round of “Celebrity Math.” It’s A Beautiful Mind-style doozy.
- After wrapping his music video shoot in a Las Vegas nightclub, K-Fed hung around to party with the public, as well as A-listers like Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ron Jeremy. That’s how this picture came to exist and why I think simply looking at it might have given my eyes herpes.
- Look, if P. Diddy invites you to one of his all-white parties in the French Riviera, you wear white, you wait patiently for him to wake up, and you keep your f*cking mouth shut. But don’t be afraid to enjoy the baby seal cakes and crude oil shots to help pass the time.
- What would Mel Mania Week be without the inevitable T-shirts commemorating the horror? Never forget.
- Lindsay Lohan has been summoned to testify in court for the fraud lawsuit her mother Dina is now facing. Sometimes it seems like that family is into more illegal sh*t than The Sopranos.
- In a recent interview, Sheryl Crow expressed her frustrations with singlehood by saying that she thinks “dating is terrifying”. Meanwhile, Crow’s ex Lance Armstrong proclaimed that “dating is fabulous”, then gave buddy Matthew McConaughey a playful little pat on the butt.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, August 1st! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Rockstar, Last Comic Standing, and The Real World!
- NOT QUITE NIP-SLIP: The kinda-freaky cover of the latest babytalk magazine, complete with wide eyed baby and areola-less mammary. Pick one up today! (Consumerist)
- CROTCH SHOT: When you’re around Tom Cruise, protect yo’ nuts. Seriously. (Defamer)
- FRAGRANCE: If I smell like Derek Jeter does that mean I’ll be able to pull the same gorgeous women as Derek Jeter? There’s only one way to find out. (A Socialite’s Life)
- SLIP UP: Bush slips up again, only this time it’s not while speaking. The fourth picture is the best. (Yahoo)
- INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT SURVEY RESULTS: Gisele has the best hair. Sienna Miller is second. Sleep easy tonight. (Hot Online News)
While Mel Gibson may be schooling us in scandal, don’t you dare, for a second, believe that this is the lowest point of his career. In fact, the worst thing to happen to Mel Gibson’s career is the following PSA made in 2003. Why the worst? Check out Gibson’s co-star… Oh and if you listen reaaally closely, he definitely says some junk about Jews. (“I stopped Jew.” “I stopped JEW.” It’s there.)
Mel Mania continues here at BWE (“All Mel, All the Time, Until Lohan Messes Up Again”) with the release of this photo, taken at Moonshadows bar in Malibu, depicting a very Mad Max cavorting with a couple of god-fearing Aryan princesses only hours before getting arrested while delivering his impromptu address on sweetened breasts, the true ownership of Malibu, and Judaism’s destructive effects on world peace. In the comments, help us guess what these girls said to get Mel so riled up about religion.
Let’s face it: Morticians get a pretty bad wrap. Only after HBO’s Six Feet Under did we choose to accept morticians as the sexy, well-dressed, formaldehyde-scented guys they really are. Well, one clever funeral director in California is making even our darkest fantasies a reality, with his 2007 Men of Mortuaries calendar. Yes, this is serious. The money goes to benefit breast cancer patients, which is pretty awesome, however the psyched expressions on their strong-jawed faces is more than a little off-putting. But hey… it’s better than this “What Cats Teach Us” calendar (which, for the record, is that you are really and truly alone.)
Best Week Ever’s 100th episode is getting a lot of buzz. Some big celebrities are talking about it… big celebrities like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
He’s not the only the one. Make sure you tune into BWE Friday night at 11 to see who else is talkin’.
- How could Mel Gibson Week ever be complete without an official theme song? Luckily, Christian rockers Evanescence (how appropriate) have a timely new single entitled “Call Me When You’re Sober” you can listen to at AOL Music to help pass the time in rehab.
- If there’s one thing the world desperately needs, it’s more weird “rock collectives” from the Netherlands; which is why you’ll be so excited to cuddle with Teddybears over at Opendeur.
- YANP puts on his horn-rimmed glasses, picks up some Camus, pours a class of Cabernet and gets in touch with his sensitive indie-dork side with a little help from the scholarly sounds of The Mountain Goats.
- I always thought beer was What Made Milwaukee Famous, but this indie rock band from Austin seems to be suggesting it was actually something else. Crack open a Schlitz, click over to Scenestars and decide for yourselves.
- After you go to Withoutsound and listen to tracks from Say Hi To Your Mom, don’t forget to actually Say Hi To Your Mom for me. Cause I totally did her. Hahaha, oh man – some junior high jokes just never get old.