Practicing for the inevitable birth of Britney’s second child, the National Enquirer decided to get a jump start on the coverage by pretending she had the baby today.
Pop princess Britney Spears gave birth to a 6 pound, 11 ounce baby boy just before 2 a.m., September 12th at a Los Angeles hospital, insiders told The ENQUIRER in an exclusive.
Now, it’s possible that Britney actually DID have the baby early this morning and we here at BWE are going to look stupid for doubting them. But c’mon. It’s the Enquirer. We’re willing to take that chance. What do YOU think: real or fake?
UPDATE: UsWeekly is reporting it too. That’s one step closer to a credible news source. Developing…
Even though it should be pretty obvious that we’re not the best of people, it still humbles us to admit that last night, on the 5th anniversary of September 11, we managed to round-up a group of friends and emote through an ancient Japanese relaxation technique called karaoke. As if we didn’t feel guilty enough singin’ and tappin’ on a national day of mourning, it took one girl’s rendition of Kansas‘ “Dust in the Wind” to remind us that we might be out of line. And we though “Gee, wouldn’t it be great if a list of inappropriate 9/11 songs already existed?”
Well, it turns out it does. Following the attacks in 2001, Clear Channel Communications compiled a list of “songs with questionable lyrics” that stations considered banning from the radiowaves, as the lyrics may have offended people in such a sensitive time. Certain songs make perfect offensive sense: REM‘s “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” has probably induced a handful of panic attacks. Anne Frankly, any reason to get Sugar Ray‘s “Fly” off the air is good enough for us.
But the one song they left off the list that is seriously inappropriate lyrics-wise? Johnny Cash‘s “Ring of Fire.” We learned that last night the awkward way.
Now PETA’s really gonna be pissed.
A week after his untimely death at the hands of an evil sea creature, it seems that The Crocodile Hunter is getting his revenge from beyond the grave.
At least ten stingrays have been found dead and mutilated on Australiaâ€™s eastern coast in the last week in what conservationists believe could be revenge attacks for the death of Steve Irwin, the popular naturalist and television personality.
Revenge attacks from fans? I don’t think so. The animal kingdom will now feel the True Wrath Of Steve. Stingrays! You’re on notice. Crocs! You motherf**kers are next.
Read the article here.
Dennis Hastert (not to be confused with President David Palmer, Dennis Haysbert) proved yesterday that knowing the words to the Star-Spangled Banner is not one of the duties of the Speaker of the House. We hope you enjoy his 9/11 rendition of our national anthem… the Star-Spaniel Banner.
Lt. Frank Drebin, as always, was unavailable for comment.
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, September 11th! Lang is here to walk you through the best of Monday night, including Prison Break, Vanished, and Biker Build Off!
The season premiere of The Tyra Banks Show aired today, and naturally it was her “most explosive episode yet!” Tyra tackled the subject of racism, which as you could imagine, she is NOT a fan of. The best part of the entire episode (besides segregating the audience and besides the stereotypical observations on stereotypes) had to be the opening, though. To illustrate the point that race is still an issue in the US, Tyra uses b-roll footage of people racing. Like, in a race. Hmm. Interesting choice.
Maybe somebody should explain to Tyra that there are different types of races. Besides black, white, drag and foot, that is.
In honor of The Simpsons kicking off their 37th season last night (ballpark estimate), you should head on over to The Simpsonmaker to create your very own Simpsons character. For two reasons:2. Judging by the premiere, this could very well be the most entertaining thing about The Simpsons this year. Have fun.
1. You’ve always wondered what you’d look like if you lived in Springfield
We thought animals and weatherman couldn’t get anymore adorable than last week’s “roach on leg” fiasco… and we were wrong. Because today we became acquianted with Stormy the Weatherdog, an animal whose face just screams “good times.” Stormy is part of the CBS 19 Newsteam in East Texas — seriously, he’s in their banner and everything — and accompanies the Chief Meteorologist in all of his reports. If the weather outside is rainy, Stormy arrives on set with a tiny brelly. If it’s cold, he’s in a sweater. And when the sun is shining, Stormy dons a visor and mats his fur down with sunscreen and bronzer in an effort to teach children about melanoma safety. Which makes us wonder: What will happen if Texas sees their own deadly hurricane? Will Stormy understand the severity of the situation, or will he just keep licking his sack as per yoozh?
All jokes aside, Stormy seems like a fun addition to the newscast. But it would be nearly impossible for him to compete with our favorite canine weatherman, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.