SIZZLER: Get Rich Or Divorced Tryin’

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kevinFinsuit.jpgAccording to The Sun, Britney Spears is furious after discovering that husband Kevin Federline is working on making a film about his life. The report goes on to say that K-Fed is planning to portray himself in a similar fashion as his idol and inspiration Eminem did in 8 Mile, which is undoubtedly his all-time favorite movie. While we can only hope this genius piece of cinema makes its way to theaters very soon, your friends here at BWE have managed to obtain a segment from an early draft of the screenplay, which was written by K-Fed himself and is tentatively titled “Fresno F*cking Around”. See it for yourselves after the jump!

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It’s June 8th; What’s up?

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alba movie.jpgTwo of America’s hottest sex symbols make their triumphant return to the small screen tonight, June 8th: Dylan McKay Luke Perry on NBC’s Windfall, and Drew Carey on Drew Carey’s Sporting Adventures on The Travel Channel. I’m not sure which one I’m more excited about.

Also on tonight: The MTV Movie Awards hosted by Jessica Alba. We already know that Wedding Crashers cleans up, that Gnarls Barkley steals the show, and that Jessica Alba is easy on the eyes. But what we don’t know is how many awkward cutaways to stone-faced celebrities the producers will bless us with each time one of Alba’s jokes falls flat. The over/under is 8. What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!

POP SLUT VIDEO: Stars Are Blind

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By now you’ve probably heard Paris Hilton’s new single, “Stars are Blind.” You probably also kinda (begrudgingly) like it and want to learn more about it. That’s where Pop Slut Video comes in.

SIZZLER: Brad Might Not Be the Dad??!

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Shiloh-Nouvel-Jolie---Pitt-.jpgThings might not be as perfect as they seem in Africa. That’s right, we’re talking about Brad and Angelina. The National Enquirer is reporting that Brad Pitt might not be the father of new baby Shiloh. Sources say Angelina told friends she had slept with another man, which means there’s trouble in Brangelina’s Namibian paradise. We’re not sure if any of this is true, but check out this very first second picture of baby Shiloh that People posted on their site today. Brad looks less like an adoring dad, and more like he’s examining the kid to see if she inherited any of his features. From what I can see, Shiloh’s got Colin Farrell’s nose, Johnny Lee Miller’s coloring and Bruce Willis’ hairline. Sorry Brad, but it looks like this calls for a paternity test. And a live studio audience. And Maury Povich.

While You Were Watching Ellen Cut a Rug

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  • James Blunt is definitely dating Petra Nemcova . After seeing her face in a crowded place, he clearly knew what to do.
  • Donald Trump to produce game show version of Monopoly. But it’s just his excuse to wear a top hat and coattails.
  • Lindsay Lohan pisses off Anna Wintour with her endless trips to the bathroom at the CFDA awards. But forms an unbreakable bond with the bathroom attendant.
  • DJ’s say Paris’ new single is hard to ridicule because it’s not half bad. Lucky for VJ’s, the video is atrocious.
  • Britney’s mom calls on “Christian life coach” to save Brit and K-Fed’s marriage. But Jesus isn’t sure if he loves them.
  • Naomi Campbell is trying for a baby. Or rather, harvesting her own maid/personal assistant/Blackberry target.
  • Katie Holmes’s ex, Chris Klein finds love again.Or as he sees it, another woman to lose to an Operating Thetan Level 8.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, June 7th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, June 7th! Danielle is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Gameshow Marathon, So You Think You Can Dance?, and Dog Bites Man!

…Of The Day

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  • YOUTUBULAR TIMEWASTER: Got 20 minutes to spare? Watch this guy demolish Mike Tyson’s Punchout! (Deadspin)
  • HOTTIE: Ashlee Simpson. I never thought I would type that. (Hollywoodtuna)
  • HAIRY HOTTIE: Emmanuelle Chriqui, a.k.a. Sloane from Entourage. I still love her. (The Bastardly)
  • AWESOME MAURY-ESQUE TWIST!: The Enquirer says Brad isn’t Shiloh’s baby-daddy. Oh no they didn’t! (Tabloid Whore)
  • UNLIKELY RAP DUO: Jamie Kennedy and… Bob Saget? They can’t be worse than these kids. Or can they? (Celebutaint)

While You Were Getting Sued For Looking at a Baby

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  • Marc Anthony takes out ad in the trade paper Variety professing love for J.Lo. Plans to rent Times Square billboard to ask her where she wants to go to dinner.
  • Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds break up. Watch out Ryan, you’ve got angry chick song coming your way.
  • Woody Harrelson, wife welcome a brand new baby girl…made entirely out of hemp.
  • Janet Jackson’s boobage looks like it’s hiding some implants. But considering she’s Michael Jackson’s sister it must be genetics.
  • Jessica Alba has the ability to make dolphins excited. A trait that will come in handy if she ever wants to start a super-breed of doplh-people.
  • Katie Holmes’ parents now want her to marry Tom, say sources close to the actor. Strangely no one’s actually seen or heard from the parents in months.
  • Jessica and Nick’s divorce will be final June 17th. Which means Nick can finally start dating again.
  • Slate thinks Tom Cruise should just disappear for a year. And he will, once he gets that goddamn time machine to work.

SIZZLER: Hatcher’s Homemade Bra

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teri_book7.jpg When it comes to her boobs, Terri Hatcher’s a regular MacGyver. Forget bras or fancy lingerie, give her a roll of Scotch tape and ten minutes and she’ll have a rack you can serve cocktails off of. She confessed to a British Magazine why she uses tape to keep her twins in place: “When you wear those complicated, low-cut dresses, and you’re 40, that’s how you can achieve perfect cleavage.” Unfortunately, when this picture was taken, she may have gotten to the end of her roll. But she did use a match, two grommets and a snap pea to make herself a pair of underwear.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • I finally saw Pearl Jam for the first time on Saturday, and it was unbelievable. I Am Fuel, You Are Friends has a handful of live PJ tracks that are worth your time.
  • Indieblogheaven has a couple of tracks by Be Your Own Pet today for those of you who like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs but hate repeating yourself.
  • Gear up for summer by heading over to Domino Rally and dowloading some Beach Boys songs you might not be familiar with.
  • It’s the Return of The Rentals! Well, not yet, but soon. 3hive has some Rentals remixes to tide you over until Matt Sharp’s band gets back in the studio.
  • A day doesn’t go by that another artist doesn’t cover Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy.” Today on Stereogum, it’s The Twilight Singers’ turn.