Ask The Messiah!

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When Brad decided to leave Jennifer in the dust and procreate with the goddess that is Angelina Jolie, he wasn’t doing it for selfish reasons– he was doing it for humanity.

Finally after months of hard work and thousands of frequent flyer miles to and from Africa accumulated, the couple brought the new Messiah into the world last week… and named her Shiloh. I’m sure you have questions for her. Well, Shiloh has answers. Type a yes/no question in the box above and prepare to be blown away by her infinite wisdom. Just don’t ask her about her ridiculous name… she tends to be sensitive about that.

Best Night Ever: Thursday, June 1st

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It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, June 1st! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Thursday night TV, including Spelling Bee, So You Think You Can Dance?, and Gameshow Marathon!

…Of The Day

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  • QUESTION: “Let’s talk about Paula Abdul… did you get lucky with her?” -Minnesota Twins announcer Bert Blyleven to AI’s Ace Young. (Deadspin)
  • HEADLINE: Son hits mom during ‘American Idol’ discussion. This kid really didn’t like Katharine McPhee. (The Press Republican)
  • NSFW PICTURE GALLERY: The girls of CSI. Like I said, NSFW. (Phun.org)
  • MISPRINT: NME named OasisDefinitely Maybe the best album of all time. Weird, because I figured they would’ve gone with Standing On The Shoulders of Giants. (NME)

While You Were Canceling Your Jenny Craig Meal Order

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  • Rachel Weisz gives birth to baby boy. Not the new messiah so who cares.
  • Jamie Foxx has sex everyday for 30 minutes to keep his body in shape, and his ding-dong herpi-fied.
  • Brad Pitt was scared to death during birth. Not of labor, of impending apocalypse.
  • Nicole Kidman won’t have sex with Keith Urban until her wedding night. She was married to Tom Cruise for 10 years so she’s probably still a virgin.
  • Kirstie Alley needs to spend some more quality time with Jenny Craig.
  • Britney is back in her baby-hurting convertible. But this time Sean won’t set foot inside.
  • What do you get when you cross a Blue Man with a Playmate and a Carrot Top ? The best season of Surreal Life ever.

SIZZLER: I Ain’t Afraid of No Joe

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Here at BWE, we’ve been having something of a love affair with Fear Factor host Joe Rogan. From first breaking the story of his hilarious MySpace feud to pointing out the harassment and racism in which he participated on his official message board, the guy’s become something of a mascot to us. Now it seems like Joe’s at it again, this time getting into a fight with one of the contestants on the special “reality stars” episode of Fear Factor. Apparently stunts like eating feces and jumping off sky-scrapers aren’t delivering the same kind of ratings they used to be, because the producers are now unleashing upon contestants the most frightening entity imaginable – Rogan himself! Here’s but a preview of the action:

SIZZLER: Doherty on a Plane

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peteHe’s fought with Kate on a train, shot up in an automobile, and now to complete the locomotive trilogy, Pete Doherty is currently being detained on a plane. According to Gawker, Pete’s holed up on a grounded Easyjet plane bound for Barcelona, after a syringe was found in the aircraft’s toilet.

“An airline spokesman said the captain of the easyJet flight from Gatwick radioed ahead to ask police to meet the flight at Barcelona’s El Prat airport. Police are currently searching the plane as it sits on the runway with 142 passengers aboard, according to the easyJet spokesman.”

Unless one of the other 141 other passengers on board come clean about their mid-flight insulin shot, Pete can finally be made an honorary member of the mile high club.

BWE: Ask the Messiah

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Brangelina… the world owes you.

Now that the Messiah has arrived, I’m sure a lot of people have questions. Well, Shiloh is here to answer them. Ask the baby Messiah a yes/no question now, and be blown away by her infinite wisdom. The meaning of life, our purpose on Earth, what’s really going on with Lost… she knows all. So ask away, people. Ask away.

ICYMI: Anna Nicole Confirms Her Pregnancy

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annanicole.jpgAnna Nicole Smith confirmed the rumors that she’s pregnant via video posted on her very own website today. According to the video, she’s very pregnant, very happy and very uncomfortable with the English language. In this brief but unforgettable video, two dogs prophetically have their barks ignored in the background, while the former Playboy model floats on a raft in her pool and addresses a camera which we assume is strapped to the head of a 4 pound Labradoodle.

Watch the video here.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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    CopyRight has a song by my new favorite band on the planet– and though I have yet to listen to them, I know they’re amazing because of their name. So head on over there to download “Africa” by the B.A. Baracus Band now.
  • Okay, now Obscure Sound has 3 tracks by a band I actually have heard and like: Sound Team. Check them out.
  • Macktronic has posted an ode to J-named women including Jolene (The White Stripes), Jenny (Stellastarr*), Jacqueline (Franz Ferdinand), and Jessica (Adam Green).
  • <a href="http://comfortabledummy.blogspot.com/2006/06/move-your-feet.html" Comfortably Dumb has a handful of tracks to make you move your feet by Junior Senior, Beck, LCD Soundsystem and more. Download them all, then dance, dance, dance.
  • And finally, Motel de Moka has a Nelly Furtado track from before she was Promiscuous. You know, back when she was a big old boring prude.

Celebrities Discover Internet, Destroy It

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domain-name-registration.jpgIt’s good to see celebrities are finally catching on to the internet. But now that they’ve made their discovery, as expected they want to take complete control over it, like they do everything else. On Saturday, after cutting the cord on their little messiah and maybe a quick sponge bath, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie immediately bought the rights to the domain name shilohnouveljoliepitt.com–which means Shilohnouveljoliepitt Plumbing Supplies will have to go with .biz.

But that’s not the only domain name getting celebrity lovin’. This past week, Tom Cruise released his dogs lawyers across the www in hopes to win back every domain addressassociated with his own name in order to curb the online Cruise-related mockery that brings us so much joy. He’s already taken back Tom Cruise.com from cybersquatters and now he’s going after Tom Cruise.net and Tom Cruise.org but unfortunately www.crazygayalien.net has already been purchased.