(As everyone is freaking out about utterly unsuprising developments in Paris Hilton’s ongoing struggle with existence, news stories as AMAZING as this one are in danger of falling through the cracks, which is why we have decided to present this to you in its entirety, un-edited with the exception of our bolding emphasis, and without further comment. Also, the headline above is the actual one used in the story.)
RALEIGH, N.C. – Clay Aiken is in line to be named to the President’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, the White House said Wednesday.
Aiken, a Raleigh native who gained fame as a runner-up on “American Idol,” once worked as a YMCA counselor.
The committee’s Web site said it advises the president on issues pertaining to people with intellectual disabilities. The committee was established in 1961 by President John Kennedy as the President’s Panel on Mental Retardation.
A White House press release said President Bush intends to make the appointment. Officials did not say when. The singer’s new album, “A Thousand Different Ways,” is due out later this month.
Making a joke here would only be redundant.
Unless you live in San Diego, you probably missed this, which is a shame. During an investigative report about a local real estate scam artist, one Action News Guy gets a little more than he bargained for. If this was Ron Burgundy, I think things would have happened a little differently.
Yesterday we asked if it was too soon to make fun of The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin? Forty-plus comments later, the answer is clear: Yes, it is too soon… but it’s still kind of funny. Fair enough.
So today, we pose a similar question: Is it too soon to play a Crocodile Hunter flash game? Specifically, Terri Irwin’s Revenge. In TIR, you play the part of Steve Irwin’s widow as she swims around the sea and kills as many sting rays as she can.
Therapeutic or absolutely terrible? It’s your call. (This game was Dropped by tonygarcia. Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!)
It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, September 6th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Rockstar, Bones, and Project Runway!
When K-Fed showed up on the Ellen show this afternoon for his latest stop on the “Not-Great White Veloci-Rap-Tour of 2006″, he mentioned that he needs to stop smoking cigarettes (though I happen to be of the opinion that he should up his habit by a few dozen packs a day). Fearing for the welfare of little Sean Preston, Ellen inexplicably gave K-Fed a big green bong. Maybe she’s still got a few wires crossed after that whole car crash thing.
While I usually like to post these gossipy tidbits in the classier “royal we” voice, I fear my compatriots would not stand behind my decision to add yet another Suri Cruise posting. Well the hell with ‘em. I’m gonna come right out and say it.
Suri Cruise is the cutest baby I have ever seen. There. It’s out. Yes, it’s even cuter than this. I don’t care if a thetan-mobile hangs over her head, or if her poor sunken-eyed mother wasn’t allowed to make a peep as the child’s glorious mop of hair came poking out of her hindquarters. The kid is absolutely stunning! I can’t get her out of my mind. Everything I did today was punctuated with the thought of Suri. Get a cup of coffee Suri. Flat iron my ankle hair Suri. Call all of my ex-husbands and beg them for a thimble of their seed Suri.
Look at these pictures! No wonder Tom and Kat”i”e didn’t want to release the pics. They best lock that kid up if they knew what was good for it! I’ve got a papoose with a gaping hole of loneliness inside just begging for a tiny blue-eyed eskimo. And, of course, I demand more pictures. In fact, I want my October issue of Vogue to weigh at least 15 pounds, and when I crack it open, the inside of it should be hollowed out to reveal a real life baby. Listen, when you think of how many babies have to be put to sleep at the Humane Society every year, it’s really the right thing to do. I’m sure Anna Wintour can make it happen.
(See more of the Vanity Fair pics here!)
Mike Judge, creator of Beavis & Butt-Head and the man responsible for your annoying co-worker’s incessant quoting of Office Space, has a new movie called Idiocracy, starring Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. A satire of modern American culture, Idiocracy tells the story of a contemporary “average Joe” who is cryogenically frozen and wakes up in the year 3001 to discover that he is the smartest man on Earth, which has become completely populated by morons. Sounds pretty funny, right? Can’t wait until it comes to a theater near you?
Well here’s the thing: you’re not gonna get to see this movie in theaters, because it has already been released, in only 7 cities, with literally no advertising to promote it. Why would distributor 20th Century Fox allow such a high-concept, highly-anticipated film from the writer/director of one of the most memorable comedies of the last 10 years (whose distribution was also cataclysmically mishandled), starring an A-list member of the beloved “Frat Pack”, to simply fade away into unseen obscurity? Is there a behind-the-scenes drama to which we’re not privy, or is this some kind of post-Snakes on a Plane (I can’t believe I just used that phrase) marketing scheme in which the studio cynically pretends not to release its own film, knowing full well that decision could create an online uproar that would send tidal waves of free publicity across the entire World Wide Web? And if this latter conspiracy is correct, did I just play right into their hands? These questions hurt my brain, so decide for yourselves by evaluating the info that can be found on Wikipedia, MySpace and AICN, then let us know what you think in the comments. Have those motherf*ckin’ snakes have gotten us again?