Best Night Ever: Monday, June 5th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, June 5th! Bob is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Deal or No Deal, The Apprentice, and Fast Inc!

…Of The Day

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  • SELF-MEDICATING DIVORCEE: If Denise Richards is this serious about “joint” custody, she could at least try using a little Visine. (Cityrag)
  • PROOF KARMA EXISTS: When Juanita humiliated Brandon Davis in defense of Lindsay Lohan, she probably had no idea her valor would be rewarded by a night out with her idol (Perez Hilton)
  • REASON TO ACTUALLY WATCH THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS: Christina Aguilera and her amazing performance body. (Hollywood Tuna)
  • GOOD PLACE TO GET LUCKY DATE RAPED: The forthcoming “Maxim Magazine” hotel and casino in Vegas. (Jossip)
  • MOUTH IN NEED OF LEVER 2000: Keira Knightley must still be in character from Pirates of the Carribean, because she could make a pirate blush. (Hot Online News)
  • THING YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO SEE: David Spade at the beach. Shirtless. (The Superficial)

While You Were Turning Down a Part in Dallas

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  • Hollywood siblings Casey Affleck and Summer Phoenix join forces to tie the knot, and conquer the Arquettes.
  • Joaquin Phoenix has a new model girlfriend…no it’s not an Affleck.
  • Vivica Fox is looking like she had some work done…with a bicycle tire pump.
  • Shannon Doherty is fuming that Tori Spelling is making fun of her on NoTorious. She’s also fuming that some guy cut her in line for the bathroom and that there’s peanuts in Snickers.
  • Jennifer Garner turns down Dallas so she doesn’t have to work with J.Lo. In fact, lots of crew members have turned down the job for the same reason.
  • Rob Zombie is set to direct a prequel to slasher Halloween. Mike Myers set to star.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Pop Tarts Suck Toasted posted tracks from their 10 favorite albums of the year (so far.) So head over there for Tapes N’ Tapes, Destroyer, Islands, Belle & Sebastian, and more.
  • Skatterbrain also has a top 10, with only a couple of repeats. After you’re done using and abusing PTST, go here to grab tracks from Voxtrot, Pants Yell!, and Love Is All.
  • Analog Giant has a handful of Monday mashups, including two that feature Gnarls Barkley (with Supertramp and Prince). One can never get enough Crazy.
  • Polloxniner has the new Fatboy Slim track “That Old Pair of Jeans.” He’s still got it.
  • And finally, Macktronic has a cool theme today: Song Titles Go Hollywood. So head on over there and download “Stevie Nix” by The Hold Steady, “Billy Murray” by Gorillaz, “Rick Rubin” by Spank Rock, and -yes- “Rudy Huxtable” by Black Nasty.

Katie Couric, Signing Off

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katie couric.JPGKatie Couric doesn’t take over the CBS Evening News until September (until then they won’t report the news– they’re just crossing thier fingers and hoping nothing happens), but people are already talking. One of the big questions on everybody’s mind: what will Katie’s sign-off be? Katie recently joked that she’ll end the show with, “Peace out, homies,” but something tells me that’s not going to happen. If she does want to be creative and hip, though, and stand out from the competition, here are a couple of suggestions:


*Peace in the middle east. Well, not literally…
*If you got em, smoke em.
*One.
*Catch you on the flip side… but don’t flip the channel, Two And A Half Men is on next!
*–in lieu of actual sign off, will bring out African American stage hand and perform a complicated handshake with him before pounding chest and flashing ‘peace’ sign at the camera–
*Couric, OUT!
*That’s all for tonight, I’m Katie Couric. Hasta la vista, baby! Get it? The Terminator. Get it? *sigh*

What do you think it should be?

FYC: Sigourney Weaver Touches Inner-Monkey

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This morning, Sigourney Weaver made a guest appearance on The View to talk about her 1988 movie Gorillas in the Mist (it was a slow week) and went absolutely ape-sh*t. Ladies and Gentleman, for your consideration…

SIZZLER: K-Fed’s Guide to Better Parenting

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kevin_federline.jpgIn a recent interview, wannabe rapper and soon-to-be recipient of the world’s most anticipated “Dear John” letter, Kevin Federline shares some of his wisdom on the subject of proper parenting. K-Fed says he doesn’t believe in spoiling children and vows to make sure his kids “don’t have it easy” growing up. Some other choice quotes:

“It’s completely unfair when a child is brought into this world and now he’s already looked at like a prince.”

“My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don’t have it easy with me. Period.”

“My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit.”

I find it hard to believe that the children of America’s biggest pop princess will be slanging Gorditas at Taco Bell, but then again it’s not uncommon for boys to follow in the footsteps of their fathers. Also, I really don’t think Kevin needs to worry about making sure his kids don’t have an easy life – he accomplished that at the moment of conception, and he’s releasing his rap album for good measure.

SIZZLER: First Pictures of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Sold

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JOLIEPITT.jpgEveryone be super nice to US Weekly, because they’re probably really upset about losing the exclusive rights to the first pictures of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. It was rumored a few weeks ago that the couple were selling the first baby pictures to the magazine for $5 million. But now it seems they’ve decided to sell the pictures to Getty Images, a photo house that will make Shiloh’s image accessible to all magazines for a fee, eradicating any possible competition between tabloid publications. Great so now nobody wins (except the poor, hungry children that Jolie and Pitt will donate the money to.) It just doesn’t seem fair.

CONTEST: Win Cool Raconteurs Stuff

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The Raconteurs have a cool frontman (Jack White), a cool website (if you miss the 80′s), a cool video, and a cool band name (except in Australia where they’re The Saboteurs.) Well that’s fine, but guess what we have.

We here at BWE have a bunch of cool Raconteurs merchandise that we want to give away. CDs, vinyl, posters. You name it. Email us at contests@bwe.tv right now to enter. At the end of the day we’ll randomly pick a winner.

Contest closed! Congratulations to Kim Melioris, who won the following:

  • Broken Boy Soldiers Full Length Vinyl
  • “Steady As She Goes”/”Store Bought Bones” 7-inch
  • “Steady As She Goes” CD single
  • Raconteurs poster
  • Raconteurss pin

Is Copperfield the New Fertility Drug?

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david_copperfield.jpgEver since David Blaine submerged himself in a fishbowl for a week and nearly died live on camera, no one’s falling for the same old magic tricks anymore. So David Copperfield, once a leader in the industry, has cast aside his white tigers and disappearing acts, and is now embarking on the biggest magic trick ever: he will attempt to impregnate a woman live on stage. Copperfield tells PageSix.com: “There is a great deal of new territory to conquer…Naturally, there won’t be any sex.” But presumably there will be a swimming pool, body fluids and a lot of ‘heavy petting.’ Yeah we were warned about this trick in sex ed.