CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: You Had Break-Up Sex, Didn’t You?

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janiston.jpg1. So the experiment worked. Blend Vince Vaughn’s smart-alecky frat guy humor with Jennifer Aniston’s generic feminine appeal, add a heaping spoonful of manufactured tabloid gossip, and you have a great recipe for tricking enough people into the theater to put an otherwise forgettable romantic comedy on top of the box office chart – $38.1 million

2. Just because this movie made less than a quarter of what it did last weekend, doesn’t mean director Brett Ratner will be any less over-rated, or any less determined to continue making his masterpieces of mediocrity – $34.4 million

3. Over the top CGI movies about talking animals who sound conspicuously like movie stars are like ATM machines for movie studios – $20.6 million

4. I think the public has finally cracked the code and discovered the truth about how much this movie sucks – $19.3 million

5. After this weekend’s huge numbers, the movie is now only about 2 million dollars short of reaching it’s goal to gross as much as the studio spent promoting it. Helicopters and sports cars ain’t cheap, people – $4.7 million

Study: Two out of Three Hansons Marry

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hanson.jpgThis past weekend, Zachary, the youngest member of the mmm-boppping boy-band Hanson married his long time girlfriend Kate Tucker in Atlanta. Zac, who is 20, followed in the footsteps of his older brother Taylor who wed his longtime girlfriend in 2002 when he was just 18. Now Tay-tay’s even got a four year old kid. Meanwhile 25 year-old Issac, the oldest brother-member of the band is still unwed. In the eyes of the uber-religious Hanson clan that makes Issac an old maid and potentially still a virgin. But if you want a Hanson who’s past his expiration date (but still fresh as a daisy), call up the Hanson Hotline, it was updated last week and we’re almost positive Isaac will pick up.

Breaking News: Smoking is HOT!

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elisha 4.jpgSummer’s here, and Elisha Cuthbert (star of The Girl Next Door and everybody’s second-favorite Paris Hilton movie, House of Wax) was spotted at Hyde night in Hollywood over the weekend sporting the coolest new celebrity accessory.

It’s called a cigarette, and just check out how cool she looks with it dangling out of her mouth as she stops to sign an autograph for a (hopefully young and impressionable) fan. Smokin’! Damn she looks good! Watch your back James Dean!

Now all somebody has to do is inform her that you’re supposed to light it.

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10 Movie & TV Duos That Were Probably Gay

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miyagi.jpgMaverick & Iceman? Gay. Cliff & Norm? Totally gay. Rocky & Apollo? Even my gay friends were uncomfortable during their awkward beach hug.

Cracked has a list of the 10 Movie & TV Duos that were probably gay. Noticeably missing: Zack & Slater, Bart & Milhouse, and Tony Almeida and Jack Bauer on 24. Yeah, that’s right, I called Jack Bauer gay. How else do you think he stays so intense for 24 hours straight? You need somebody riding your ass.

Who else do you think they missed? (link via Gorillamask)

SIZZLER: Britney Begins Divorce Process

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britney_kevin_malibu2.jpgIt seems that the end of the Spears-Federline union is near. Spears has reportedly signed preliminary divorce papers against Kevin. Sources say “Britney has already started seeing lawyers about splitting with Kevin. She is serious about it and even though she’s pregnant she knows that she has to get things moving,” according to News of the World. Part of the problem is that Kevin has been leaking private information about their relationship to the press in exchange for money. But with our buy one get one free coupon, this story didn’t cost a thing.

While You Were Waking Up to Another Monday

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  • Paul McCartney’s soon to be ex, Heather Mills, once posed for porn pictures, but she it did for the baby seals.
  • Kristin Cavallari may replace Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazzard prequel, and in Hollywood.
  • Lindsay Lohan drops out of next movie. Luckily her life’s giving us enough entertainment.
  • Scientology is joining forces with NASCAR. It’s time to evacuate the country.
  • Tom Green involved in near-deadly fishing accident. Perfect for a Tom Green special.
  • Avril Lavigne wants to quit singing in order to act. But does she really need a reason?
  • An OJ Simpson sex tape is rumored to exist. Almost as embarrassing as being on trial for double murder..
  • Shiloh Nouvel has already received loads in free swag. They’re just giving stuff away at the Playstation/AOL tent in Namibia.

Best Night Ever: Sunday, June 4th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, June 4th! Robin Hopkins is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Simpsons, Sopranos, and The Simple Life!

Taylor Hicks Is Tired

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Your American Idol Taylor Hicks dropped by the BWE studios this week to thank his beloved Soul Patrol for all their love and support. Judging by Taylor’s glossed over eyes and exhausted demeanor, it’s been a loooooooong week. Hey, nobody ever said being an Idol was easy.

If you’re a member of the Soul Patrol, this one’s for you. WOOO!

Shuffling Towards the Weekend: the Battle!

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For this week’s Shuffle Battle, we’re going to do something a little different and use a little imagination by shuffling the celebrity guest’s playlists for them. In keeping with today’s theme, our guests this week are Jared Leto and Clay Aiken. Jared’s is taken from his iTunes celebrity playlist. Clay’s is based on the cover songs he likes to perform. Vote on which is better, then as always, post your own first five shuffled songs in the comments!shuffle.jpg

Jared Leto:

“Rabbit In Your Headlights” – UNKLE
“On My Own” – The Used
“Attack” – 30 Seconds to Mars (surprise, surprise)
“Closer” – Nine Inch Nails
“Message In a Bottle” – The Police

Clay Aiken:

“Bridge Over Troubled Water” – Simon & Garfunkle
“Solitaire” – Neil Sedaka
(you’ll have to use your imagination on the next three, as the article doesn’t give specific songs)
Melodies – Elvis Presley
Cover Song – Goo Goo Dolls
Cover Song – Sam Cooke

SIZZLER: Oprah Is A Dumb Broad

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“Oprah is full of s***. Nobody has the courage to say that Oprah is full of s***. She’s not some beneficent person, she’s just a person capable of doing incredible good, exposing people to reading, exposing people to Maya Angelou and Toni Morrison, or she can just be a dumb b*** sh***ing on rap, sh***ing on poor black people, it’s possible to be both things at once.”

And just like that, Killer Mike ensures he’ll never promote an album on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Some say it’s his worst career decision since he decided to go by the name Killer Mike. If I were him I’d watch my back… we all know what Oprah’s vagina is capable of.

Read Mr. Killer’s full diatribe here.