Let’s take a brief break from the gossip news for the following remedial science lesson in pure Hollywood Darwinism, using Matthew McConaughey as a specimen to study the Origin of the Species, said species being teenage werewolves. Pretty soon he’s going to be ordering kegs of beer by growling and going to red carpet premieres surfing on top of a mini-van driven by Lance “Styles” Armstrong. Evolution is real, folks.
Not since Vanilla Ice was crazy-legging around the stage with four dudes in musclebound ninja turtle costumes has hip-hop seen anything as hardcore as Jay-Z rapping alongside with Gwyneth “Gangsta B*tch” Paltrow.
As huge fans of The Office, we took issue with the cheesy Jim/Pam commercials that aired throughout the summer. Now granted, we love Jim & Pam and care more about their relationship than any relationship we’ve ever been in, but the collection of longing glances over slow piano music was just a little too much for us. Well, it took a little while, but the folks at NBC have righted their wrongs by producing a similar ad for everybody’s real favorite couple, Dwight and Angela (or Dwangela, as the kids call them.) Watch it now.
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1. I think my favorite thing about this animated adventure is Elliot the Mule Deer because he sounded wacky and silly like Ashton Kutcher! My second favorite thing about this movie is all the funny shenanigans, and the friendships that result from them – $23 million
2. Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Costner, Coast Guard rescue swimmers. It’s nice to know that Americans are still able to recognize real quality movies when they come along – $17.6 million
3. Maybe if Stevo-O would have taken a “number two” on the red carpet, smeared it all over his face, then rolled around in it, this opus would still be holding strong at “number one” – $14 million
4. Hey “Napoleon Dynamite Guy”: 14:57…14:58…14:59…aaaaand that’s your time. Please grab a commemorative “Vote For Pedro” shirt on your way out – $9.1 million
5. I would pay good money to see Jet Li try to take his fancy-pants Chinese dragon martial arts style down to the All-Valley Tournament and try his luck against Mr. Daniel Larusso’s Miyagi style karate crane kickery. Let’s see who’s “fearless” then – $4.7 million
The folks over at Cracked are erecting a Hall of Fame honoring 80’s movie montages. Actually, I’m not sure if they’re building it, or if there’s just going to be a series of slow motion shots of them building it while an amazingly corny song with a driving guitar riff plays underneath. Either way, it’ll be thoroughly entertaining. Check out this list of the greatest 80’s movie montages, courtesy of Cracked.com. It’s the greatest thing to happen to the montage since that song in Team America.
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, October 1st! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including Everybody Hates Chris, Amazing Race, and Desperate Housewives!
Our guest this week, Mindy Raf, is a NYC comedienne who has made a name for herself as a regular contributor to CollegeHumor, a popular touring stand-up, the proprietor of a funny blog, and a featured actress on the celebrated Post Show online sketch comedy program. She’s also rather chesty. Anyway, we had her shuffle her iPod and share with us the first five resulting tracks. Judge her, ridicule her, then do your own shuffle and leave the results in the comments!
1. “I want to love you in my room”, Irving
2. “Boxing”, Ben Fold’s Five
3. “Barrier Reef”, Old 97’s
4. “Baby”, Rufus Wainwright
5. “O what a beautiful dream”, Elf Power
Esquire Magazine really steps out on a limb in their upcoming October issue, naming Scarlett Johanssen the “Sexiest Woman Alive.” The undeniably beautiful Scarlett tends to draw a lot of attention in Hollywood because she is the only one brave enough to eat 2 meals a day (it’s a wonder, given L.A.’s values, they don’t refer to her as plus-sized.) In the issue, she is portrayed as an “enigmatic trailer-park temptress,” sporting a “cleavage-baring black lingerie paired with an open white robe, among other get-ups.” (“Get-ups”? Like this?) Well, guessing from the screenshot grabbed from Google News above, her cleavage is all you really need to see to figure out that it’s her… so it seems Esquire hit this buxom nail right on its curvaceous head.