BAD NEWS BEARER: Homey Will Finally Play That

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homey.jpgNow that his latest “Marlon Wayans pretends to be a girl/midget/caucasian” wacky-mix-up masterpiece Little Man is complete and ready to hit theaters, director Keenan Ivory Wayans is preparing the next project into which he’ll pour his legendary comedic genius. I know you’re rolling your eyes and thinking, “Let me guess – Marlon plays a wise-cracking albino parakeet in a ghetto petting zoo after his brother Shawn schemes up a silly plan to get rich on the world’s only stand-up comedian bird?” Good guess, but the Wayans Family Patriarch’s next project actually happens to be a timely big-screen adaptation of the Homey the Clown character from his 13 year-old sketch show, In Living Color. You really have your fingers on the pulse of pop culture when you understand America’s pressing need to once again enjoy Damon Wayans hitting children with a sock and saying “Homey don’t play that!” over and over again. Not only am I thrilled about this movie, I also can’t wait to see his future projects – a “meet the parents” adaptation of Roc next year in which a Wayans Brother tries to marry Charles S. Dutton’s daughter, then Keenan’s long-awaited Tyrone Biggums movie with Dave Chappelle for the reclusive comic’s triumphant comeback in 2018 (or a Wayans Brother playing the crackhead if Dave’s still crazy then).

SIZZLER: Fans Rebel Against Another Farewell Tour

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babs.jpgRaise you’re hand if you’re tired of singers making a big thing about farewell tours and retirement and then coming back two years later with a comeback tour. I mean people who retire from their day jobs and have an office party at Applebees with the whole firm and a big Carvel cake aren’t allowed to come back to the same job in a year as if nothing happened. So the same rules should apply to high profile celebrities.
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What Do Kevin Federline And Pennies Have In Common?

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K-Fed wants to save the penny. It makes perfect sense to us. They have a ton in common:
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1. Despite being sick of them, neither will disappear any time soon.
2. Both have supporters that want to keep them around– though you really can’t understand why.
3. If you saw one laying on the street you probably wouldn’t make an effort to pick it up. Unless you were desperate.
4. Both are 19 millimeters in diameter, if you know what I mean.
5. If you think about it, neither have any REAL value.
6. Whenever you find yourself actually reading about either of them, you tend to stop yourself and think, “Wait- why am I reading about this? This is stupid.”
7. If you make a wish and throw either of them into a well, your wish comes true. Seriously, give it a try sometime.
8. Both have gotten into Britney Spears pants.
9. But honestly, she doesn’t need them.
10. If you received either of them on Halloween this year instead of candy you’d be disappointed, wouldn’t you?
11. And finally; Neither can rap.

ICYMI: Pete Holmes vs. Pinatas

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Our very own Pete Holmes sent us this hilarious animated short pulled straight from his stand-up routine. You can watch it now, but I’m warning you: you may never look at pinatas the same way again.

SIZZLER: Hollywood’s Biggest Baby News Yet!

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stork.jpgOh my gosh, we have just received news announcing Hollywood’s latest famous parents-to-be, and this is the hottest, juciest one yet! You thought Sean Preston, Suri and Shiloh were a big deal? Those are just cabbage patch kids compared to the star power of this shocking, sensational pregnancy announcement! This birth is sure to bring about a media circus that not even Namibia – hell, not even all of Africa – could ever hope to contain. These parents are going to have to go to the bottom of the ocean if they want any shelter from the media storm the birth of their child will inevitably cause. See the big news for yourself after the jump!

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It’s June 22nd; What’s up?

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office jim pam.jpgThursday night has become Windfall night. I like the show for 2 reasons: (1) it’s the only decent replacement show I’ve seen in the past few weeks, and (2) Watching Luke Perry on a Thursday night makes me a little nostalgic. If only Jennie Garth and Ian Ziering joined the cast I’d be a happy guy.

Beyond Windfall, I’m not sure what else to watch. The Office is re-running last season’s pivotal “booze cruise” episode (a must see for Office fans), while MTV has new episodes of Making The Band 3, Run’s House, and Pimp My Ride. Also on: Gameshow Challenge on CBS and a So You Think You Can Dance? results show. But what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!

While You Were Downing Your Morning Mimosa

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  • Ann Hathaway’s boobs subject to whims of Devil Wears Prada costar Stanley Tucci. Paging human resources!
  • Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are so over– just in time to give his upcoming single about heartbreak that autobiographical kick it needs.
  • Reese Witherspoon sues Star Magazine over pregnancy claims. Wants Star to take responsibility for all the girls it’s gotten pregnant.
  • Tom Cruise wants 10 children someday.He’ll need at least that many if he wants to fulfill his dream to start his very own cult.
  • Cher is pushing for safer military helmets… and more revealing pleather bustiers in time for her next video.
  • Matt Damon may star in Star Trek prequel, if and only if he can master the hand signal.
  • Anderson Cooper visits John Stewart on The Daily Show to learn how a real celebrity interview is done.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, June 21st

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, June 21st! Brian is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Blue Collar TV, America’s Got Talent, and So You Think You Can Dance!

…OF THE DAY

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  • SETBACK FOR BILLY JOEL: Super-young wife Katie Lee Joel was axed from Top Chef 2. Now he’s going to have to come up with new ways to distract her from thinking about the fact that she’s married to an old, bald recovering alcoholic. (Reality Blurred)
  • IMITATION OF NY LOTTERY COMMERCIAL: Some guy threw 20,000 pounds (that’s about $35,000 to us) onto a street in England and started a frenzy of greedy people grabbing cash on their hands and knees. Absent was the fat guy who yells “Mooooooney!” (A Welsh View)
  • UNNECESSARY USE OF BLACK AND WHITE FILM: We’re not sure why Ashlee Simpson’s new video, Invisible, was shot in black and white. Or why she’s boxing, or why she’s recorded a second album. (Faded Youth)
  • CELEBRITY ELF: See that picture to your right? That’s the foot of some male celebrity who thinks pointy gelfling shoes are not simply utilitarian, but also quite fashionable. To find out who it is go here: (US Weekly)
  • CANDID CELEBRITY INTERVIEW: Well it wasn’t Anderson Cooper’s. It was ours with Kevin Federline!!! Pennies from heaven, yall. (BWE)

Celebrity MySpace Sleuths

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confirmed.jpgForget solicitation and child pornography, the biggest problem with Myspace is that it’s cluttered with fake celebrity pages. How am I supposed to know what’s Nicole Richie’s real myspace page with all those cheap imitations out there? I mean I know this and this aren’t real, but this one and this one may be. But how can I be sure? Well now there’s a way: Confirmed Celebs Only . This myspace page was created to help celebrities and their stalkers eliminate cheap imitations.

The page features pictures of celebs like Adrianne Curry, Stephen Coletti and various porn stars holding signs that bare their real myspace addresses. You can also check for real celebrity myspace pages added to their friends space. And if you have a celebrity myspace page that’s questionable, you can submit it to be checked for authenticity, here. I know there have been some great inventions in the past 100 years, but seriously this is up there with sliced bread and body shots.