Whilst walking through the jungle as they always do, a TMZ camera crew accidentally stumbled upon a species known as the Paris Hilton. After a mutual moment of fear and confusion, the Paris Hilton agreed to engage the paparazzi in an “impromptu” Q & A session, specifically addressing the recent outbreak of “mean comments” people have been leaving about the Paris Hilton on the Internet. Apparently, the Paris Hilton doesn’t like it when people say “mean and sadistic” things about her, and sometimes it makes her very sad. Even when you have millions of undeserved dollars and life of luxurious comfort that most of the world’s population will never know, it hurts when anonymous people say bad things about you in the comments section of Internet sites. It particularly hurts the Paris Hilton that the viscious blog readers who leave these comments haven’t even bothered to take the time to get to know her in person so that they might see what kind of beautiful, compassionate being she actually is. You people should be ashamed of yourselves – the Paris Hilton has feelings, too.
- Nicole Richie reportedly fainted during a shopping trip last week. It’s unclear what made her faint; a lack of food, or the store’s shocking! low low prices.
- Kelsey Grammer won another Emmy on Wednesday, upping his impressive Emmy vs. Fans total to 5-1.
- A woman accused of stalking John Cusack for 18 months denies the claim. By following him around and standing outside his window uninvited, she was merely doing her best impression of the actor, not stalking him.
- Matthew McConaughey’s car is up for auction on eBay. Marijuana in glove compartment sold separately.
- Haley Joel Osment was hospitalized after crashing his 1995 Saturn into a brick wall at 1 a.m. today. Bloggers urged to forego making “I see dead people” jokes and instead focus on the fact the Oscar nominee drives an 11-year-old Saturn.
- Maddox Jolie-Pitt has been voted the cutest celebrity child. Man, this is not Haley Joel’s day, is it?
Shea Hess is here to take you through the best of Wednesday night TV, including Rock Star: Supernova, So You Think You Can Dance, and Work Out!
- 100% NOT GAY: Oprah & Gayle. Don’t believe them? Then just watch this clip of Gayle on The View. (ifilm)
- EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT: The Paris Hilton sex doll. I thought this came out already… it’s called Paris Hilton. (Popbytes)
- WORSE IDEA THAN ROCKY 6: HIV Positive boxer Tommy “Gun” Morrison from Rocky V wants to fight “Iron” Mike Tyson from Mike Tyson’s Punchout. There will be no winners. (Deadspin)
- MANNY: Britney’s got a new one. The woman goes through Mannys like cans of Red Bull. (Blog NYC)
- SUMMER SHOW: If you’re in NY, check out the UCB’s Theatre In The Park tonight, starring Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel and a whole slew of others. Wackiness will most certainly ensue. (Paul Scheer)
What you’re seeing on the left is a picture of Clerks star Jason Mewes from back in 2003 before going to rehab for heroin abuse. What you’re seeing on the right is a picture of the same man, now clean, at the recent premiere for Clerks II. Who needs frying eggs and stupid slogans when you have THAT sh*t?
(screencap via iFilm)
- Stereogum has the dirt on the first track from new album from The Roots, and even tells us where to get a second.
- Our boy the Brooklyn Vegan gives us the heads up on some gnice gnew mashups featuring the Gnotorious Biggie Smalls and everyone’s favorites, Gnarles Barkley.
- The Rocking Refuses to Stop wants to take a big deep breath of Golden Smog, and alt-country supergroup featuring members of Wilco, The Jayhawks and Soul Asylum.
- MOKB reminds us that awesome things come in many Shapes & Sizes.
- Gorilla vs Bear gets their paws on what might be the hippest mash-up in history: a track blending obscure indie rockers Ghostland Observatory with street-cred goldmine Ghostface Killah. The results are frighteningly cool.
If you’ve ever wondered how freaky Joel Siegel and his porn-stache get, the answer is finally here: Not… really… that freaky at all. As reported in today’s Page Six, movie critic Joel Siegel stormed out of a screening of Kevin Smith‘s highbrow comedy Clerk’s II, screaming while scrambling for the aisle “Time to go! First movie I’ve walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!” (Although, I distinctly remember seeing him flee the theater in the middle of Splash, Too.) The tasteless scene that caused the walkout? Two characters debating whether or not to hire a woman to perform sexual favors on a donkey. Siegel, a famous ass lover and punster, would never tolerate such baseless humor.
Smith retaliates with a long-winded anti-Siegel diatribe on his personal blog (I didn’t get to finish, as I stood up halfway through reading it, announced “I’m leaving”, and stormed out of my office for the first time in 3 minutes.) Then, this morning on the Opie and Anthony Show, Joel Siegal gets the Punk’d-style treatment, when Kevin Smith, on the line anonymously, chides the critic for his unprofessional actions. (You can hear the mp3 here.)
If you want our opinion, Smith should be combing every stache-hair on Joel’s face as thanks for this free publicity. The highlight of the affair will be what headline Siegel ends up pundering. In case he’s a little low on ideas, here’s a few to inspire him:
These “Clerks” Aren’t Worth Checking Out
“Clerks” Are Jerks With None Of The Perks
Silent Bob Should Keep [Bleeping] Mouth Shut
Clerks II — More Like Clerks Doo Doo
All Jokes Aside, I Want To Die
Lindsay Lohan, David Spade, and Kid Rock engage in a karaoke threesome. God must have been out picking up his dry cleaning or something.
Any ideas as to who the Fourth Horseman is?
When we saw these photos over at A Socialite’s Life, we only had one thought: something seems missing. So check out the examples below, grab our photoshop-friendly template after the jump, and send your best (or worst) version to firstname.lastname@example.org. The winner will get something awesome.
Britney and Kevin are renewing their vows. Paris Hilton swore off sex for a year. Lindsay Lohan has already hooked up with everybody in Hollywood so nothing surprises us anymore. And Nick & Jessica’s post-marital affairs would be a lot more exciting if they didn’t involve That Girl From TRL and That Comedian Everybody Liked Until They Saw Tourgasm. Things are looking bleak for our A-team… which is why the B-team is stepping up.
Yesterday Pamela Anderson stepped up and announced that she was marrying Kid Rock, presumably because Tommy Lee was busy with Supernova and said “pass.” At the same time, somewhere else on this world wide web, Fred Durst– remember him?– announced he was getting married too. Yeah. Sorry ladies. Now, to top that, the news got out today that Eddie Murphy is all set to marry “Scary” Spice Girl Mel B. They say it’s what they want, what they really, really want.
We should enjoy the time we have with these replacement players because you never know what’s going to happen. Paris and Nick could start dating tomorrow and cause a huge media frenzy, leaving Pam, Fred, Eddie and Scary in the dust. So let’s let the B-team relish their time in the sun. They kind of deserve it. Kind of.