While You Were Birthing a Celebrity Baby

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Michelle’s Jail Saga: the Final Chapter (For Now)

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Shawshank Redemption.jpgFrom describing jail as “awesome” to violating her probation to threats of expatriating, the long story of Michelle Rodriguez and her legal troubles finally appears to be over, as she was let out of her 60-day sentence after serving just 4 hours and 20 minutes, which she described as “totally badass” before heading off to get drunk and drive somewhere so she can go back again soon. Michelle fought the law and Michelle won.

Because You Need More Famous Baby Info

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brangelinababy.jpgSilkworm Nooboo Pitt-Jolie is hardly even two days old, and the AOL Moviefone blog has already created speculative photo composites of what the child might look like, from now throughout its teens. In the heat of their ‘babymania’, they’ve even gone so far as to mock up images of what the child’s non-existant brother would look like. Is this finally the last of the famous pregnant people? Can we all stop worrying about other people’s kids now? Are there no condoms in Hollywood?

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • I Guess I’m Floating spent Memorial Day remembering all the great bands that are no more. Nirvana, Blind Melon, Queen, Rage, Genesis, Blink 182, Pavement, Led Zeppelin… the list goes on and on. Pour some out for your homies.
  • Wham! is reuniting. Sadly, the reunion is only temporary. Thankfully, Kofi’s Hat has a couple of classic Wham tracks to get you excited.
  • You may know Psapp as the band that provides the theme song to Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t know Psapp at all. That’s why I’m hitting up Indie Don’t Dance for a few tracks to familiarize myself.
  • Kate at The Glorious Hum put together a mix that features Wilco, Ben Kweller, Supergrass and Weezer. The kid has taste.
  • And finally, Looking At Them has a handful of cover songs today, including World Party’s take on “All The Young Dudes” and Frente’s “Bizarre Love Triangle.” Enjoy.

Snakes On a Website!

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sjackson.JPGIt’s here, the official Snakes on a Plane website, complete with videos, games, downloads and lots of other time-wasters to prepare you for the cinematic experience of discovering what in fact happens in the terrifying hypothetical situation of there being deadly snakes…on a plane.

AWESOMEWATCH: Road House 2, Swayze Boogaloo?

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road_house.jpgAint It Cool News took a break from furiously masturbating over all the latest trailers for Superman Returns to tell us about something truly cool and awesome: a sequel to the 1989 Patrick Swayze classic, Road House. “What is Road House“, you ask? Um, only the awesomest movie ever made. I mean, this is a film that features Patrick Swayze boning Kelly Lynch against a wall while Otis Redding plays in the background (NSFW, or anywhere else really). And some of the most elaborately choreographed fight scenes ever created – awesome even when they’re sub-titled in Spanish! I’d like to see the fancy-pants Matrix movies top THAT kind of action! So yeah, there’s gonna be a sequel called Road House 2: Last Call, but for some insane reason, it won’t have Patrick Swazye or his beautiful voice in it, so who knows? Now here’s an anime version of his hit song, “She’s Like the Wind”.

SIZZLER: Brit and K-FED Split?

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britneykevin.jpgAccording to new reports, Britney Spears has officially kicked Kevin Federline out of her bed and out of her life, and her publicist has not denied the claim. After trying work it out, Britney reportedly returned from her trip to New York to find K-Fed smoking weed in the house. So now Federline has been banished to live in the basement of their California mansion. But Kevin isn’t worried. With a lava lamp and a few bean bag chairs, it’ll be even sweeter than his mom’s garage.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Celebrity Parents

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best baby ever.JPGMadonna and Michael Jackson. When I was a child in nursery school, that was my answer to the question “If you could choose your parents, who would you choose.” You could only imagine how I would’ve turned out.

Throughout the years, celebrities have coupled up and popped out children (like this one in the Best Baby Ever onesie) left and right. These kids, who are born rich and famous, seem to have it all: money, power, groupies (?), and to top it all off– super cool celebrity parents. With some of these Celebrity Parents you can’t help but look at them and wish that you were the one calling them Mom and Dad– Upgrade! But with other couples, you’re glad that you’re not the one being dragged around in front of the paparazzi with them– Downgrade!

ICYMI: Secret LOST Memo For Season 3

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xmaslost.jpgIf you’re like me and desperate for the summer to end and LOST to return, Something Awful has put together this hilarious “secret memo” spoof supposedly written by Damon Lindelof, the show’s head writer. Below are some excerpts from his “preliminary ideas for next season”:

  • We will have an episode where we reveal that the entire island is run by aliens and aliens are causing everything and every mystery can be solved by just saying aliens. After the inevitable backlash from the fans, we will point out that the episode aired on April 1st and the entire thing was a prank. Then, of course, one of them will notice that April is the fourth month. And 4 is one of the cursed numbers. Oh, oh, and it’s the first of April and four times one is also four. Which is one of the cursed numbers. Slamdunk.
  • I’ve been noticing a decline in the biting wit usually evident in Sawyer’s constant nicknames for the other survivors. In order to rectify this, I put together a sample list of names that are up to his usual hilarious quality:

    “fatboy”
    “long haired dude”
    “you”
    “two eyes”
    “stuck on the island guy”
    “Jack”

ICYMI: Bizzaro Axl Spazes at Rock n Rio

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axl2.jpgWhile you were firing up the grill and drinking pabst on rooftops this holiday weekend, bizzaro Axl Rose continued his attempt to convince the world that he’s really the original Guns N Roses frontman.

When the puffy-faced Tommy Hilfiger-hitter performed Sweet Child o’ Mine in Portugal at the Rock n Rio concert on Saturday, he still didn’t seem like his old mid-90′s self. But his manager released a statement today blaming it on the fact that Axl was suffering from a muscle spasm during the performance. Hmm, wonder if that had anything to do with the woman’s corset he was wearing.

See footage of the performance here.