SIZZLER: Tori $pelling Officially Not Rich Up The A$$


ToriCover.JPGArbitor of Truth © US Magazine reports that Tori Spelling will only be receiving .16 percent of her father’s multi-million dollar fortune, as a result of a falling out with mother Candy Spelling. Estimations report that Spelling will only reap a measly $800,000 out of the death-pact, which as any ex-alum of 90210 knows, is barely enough to pay the help (read: Brian Austin-Green). It’s gonna be a tough life for Tori Spelling, but we believe that with enough miserly know-how and financial smarts, she can still live a pretty good life. Here are a few tips to help Tori save/earn some cash:

1. Melt down your 24K gold toilet and sell it for cash. Then, crap into Ziplock bags.

2. Remove your breast implants and use the saline as contact lens solution.

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Bulge Watch! Tom Hanks Edition


Is that a little baby bulge we see, Tom Hanks? We’re thinking it is, judging by how proudly you seem to be showcasing your bulge at the Ant Bully premiere. We think other Hollywood A-list actors should take your cue and be proud of their bulges — it’s one of the most beautiful things Mother Nature has to offer us! And we like nothing more than an A-list bulge swathed in stone-washed denim. Keep it up, Tom!


It’s July 26th; What’s up?


Larry_The_Cable_Guy_Comedy.jpgTonight we bid adieu to one of the most influential shows of our generation. Actually, let me rephrase that- THE most influential show of our generation. A show that has made us laugh, made us cry, and touched us in ways we never dreamt imaginable. Tonight, when the final episode comes to a close and the credits begin to roll down the screen, a part of each and every one of us will die. We’ll never be the same. And we’re going to have to learn to live with that… one day at a time.

So goodbye, Blue Collar TV. We shall never forget you.

What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now.

While You Were Posting Flyers Looking To Get Your SexyBack



SIZZLER: Lance Leaves Closet, Shocks World


lance_bass2.jpgAfter years of living the lie of fierce heterosexuality in order to maintain his macho boy band image, former ‘NSync ladies man Lance Bass dropped a bombshell on everything we know about masculinity by revealing to People Magazine that he is actually gay. While we admire his courage and hope he is now able to live a happier life, many of us are still feeling a combination of shock, confusion and disillusionment. I mean, who’s next – Clay Aiken?




  • TOTALLY “PUNK” MOVE: Killers frontman Brandon Flowers is sorry for saying all those mean things about Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco while feuding with them over whose generic brand of indie rock is most legit. (AOL Music News)
  • GOOD NEWS FOR FEZ: The New York Post says that we’re in the “Golden Age of the Insult”, which means that MTV’s Yo Momma host Wilmer Valderrama might still squeeze out a few more years of fame before he has to make his inevitable dying-career desperation sex tape. (NY Post)
  • RUNAWAY GROOM: It seems that George Michael’s fiancee Kenny Goss is having second thoughts about having and holding a husband whose idea of “parks and recreation” is pleasuring flabby middle-aged men in the woods. (A Socialite’s Life)
  • SEAN CONNERY TRIBUTE: Ken Jennings, the record-setting contestant Jeopardy! made so rich and famous, wrote a letter offering some sarcastic advice for ways to improve the show to which he owes his livelihood. Suck on that, Trebek! (TMZ)
  • HEADLINE DOUBLE-TAKE: Janet Jackson is rumored to be marrying boyfriend Jermaine. No, not THAT Jermaine! Then again, you never really know with this family. (The Bosh)

A Few Good MySpace Friends


iwantyourwaste.JPGIf you’re on MySpace, chances are you get a lot friend requests from people you don’t actually know. Crappy bands, wannabe Maxim models and Dane Cook are always trying to sucker you into supporting their pitiful careers by adding your profile to their pointless collection of so-called “fans”. Well the latest desperate friend-seeker trying to cash in on this trend is none other than the US Marine Corp! Apparently frustrated with the waning success of traditional recruiting methods such as hanging around outside of high schools in poorer areas and showing those ridiculous TV commercials that make the military look like an episode of Alias, the Marines have taken their efforts online. If you approve them, maybe you’ll get verbally abusive comments from Full Metal Jacket-esque drill sergeants, fun bulletin surveys that look suspiciously like psychological examinations, and constant event invitations to this “awesome beach party” they’re throwing over in sunny Iraq. Hey, military recruiters – thanks for the add (and trip to Baghdad)!

SIZZLER: In Today’s Probably Untrue Break-Up News…


janiston.jpgEvery day, magazines and blogs wax ho-etic about celebrity break-ups. Who’s together, who’s apart, who’s cheating, who’s so coked out of their brains they don’t even know what year it is. Here are today’s top 3 celebrity break-up rumors:

1. Jennifer Aniston Dumps Vince Vaughn. Likelihood? Nil. Aniston needs a big hunk-o-man to cry on, and Vaughn fits the bill perfectly. While the chemistry between these two is highly questionable, comedically and romantically, we’re convinced that another break-up in the public eye would drive normally nicotine-addled Aniston to murderously-sadistic levels of madness.

Read more…

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever



  • You can head over to Mainstream Isn’t So Bad… Is It? to download five different versions of the song “Wild Thing.” But it doesn’t matter how many times you play it; Charlie Sheen does not appear.
  • Stereogum knows that reading about George Michael’s latest sex scandal puts you in the mood for some Wham! Naturally.
  • Everybody’s going to the Pitchfork Festival but me. Fabulist is going, which is why they posted tracks by the Silver Jews, Man Man, Art Brut and a bunch of other Pitchfork bands. Lucky.
  • Hey, want to hear a couple of 20-year-old songs by The Offspring? If the answer is yes, click over to Killed By Death Records.
  • And finally Rock Insider posted an “It’s F**king Hot As Balls Summer Mixtape” with tracks by M. Ward, Ratatat and more. Who wouldn’t want a mixtape with a title like that?