BWE Didn’t Start the Firecrotch

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billyjoelvideopic.JPGWell, it’s been over a week since Brandon Davis delivered the disgusting diatrabe that would send the phrase ‘firecrotch’ flaming into the pop culture heavens, and we know you’re as sick of it as we are.

The firecrotch phenomenon was fun while it lasted – internet parodies, a confrontational superfan (who we interviewed), celebrity imitations, inevitable T-shirts, unnecessary comparisons, and endless amounts of lame ‘fire’ puns, some of which are sprinkled throughout this post. But even the most ridicule-rich stories must come to an end, which is why I have decided to stomp out the dying embers of the firecrotch by writing the Obligatory Theme Song summarizing the scandal, which is always the nail in the coffin of any pop culture phenomenon. So here it is (and consider yourselves lucky we didn’t actually record it):

“BWE Didn’t Start the Firecrotch”

(Words by Yours Truly/Music by the one and only Billy Joel)

Brandon Davis, Hyde Nightclub, bloated hier, way too drunk,
Paris Hilton, paparazzi, caught on video.
Lindsay Lohan, seven million, feuding starlet, red-haired vixen,
Boyfriend Crazy, Pissed off Paris, Uh-uh bitch hell no.
Hollywood, catfight, talking shit, socialites,
Brandon, soaked in scotch, decides to kick it up a notch,
Really vulgar, horrible, discussing Lindsay’s genitals,
length of clitoris, freckled orgasms, don’t forget ‘firecrotch’.

BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
It just started burning,
and our wheels got turning.
BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
Though we once enjoyed it,
it’s gotten annoying.

TMZ tape, gossip blogs, tabloid and media calls,
Making statements, blaming cellphones, PR Nightmare.
Outrage, hilarity, endless online parodies,
Lindsay’s fan takes revenge on the oily-haired oil heir.
Never-ending, overkill, it’s really not that big a deal,
Spoiled rich kids, pointless fights, in LA its just another night.
Firecrotch, silly phrase, not the first time its been said,
Make it stop, let’s move on, the Brandon Davis horse is dead!

BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
It just started burning,
and our wheels got turning.
BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
Though we once enjoyed it,
it’s gotten annoying.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Today, not only does Neiles Life give you a scorecard rating this year’s TV shows, they also posted a handful of Clipse tracks featuring Pharrell. Good stuff all around.
  • Minneapolis is being well represented over at Product Shop NYC with brand new tracks by Soul Asylum and The Replacements. Wynona Rider must be thrilled.
  • Looking at Them has a bunch of live tracks today- everybody from Tom Petty to Lenny Kravitz to Jonathan Richman to Neil Young. Check them out.
  • If you’re in your 20′s, as much as you want to love David Bowie, you’re always going to be a little freaked out by him thanks to Labyrinth. Right? Domino Rally has the song “Magic Dance” from the soundtrack. Download it. Bug out.
  • Finally, The Rich Girls Are Weeping has tracks by The Sex Pistols, The Smiths, Joy Division and The Buzzcocks today. I’m guessing it’s the Joy Division that’s making them weep.

SIZZLER: Paris Dumped

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pl.jpgIt seems that Matt Leinart has dumped spring-fling Paris Hilton , in part due to pressure from his team who feared he’d be caught in a compromising position with the heiress. While the couple were spotted all over town earlier this month, Leinart narrowly avoided a potentially career-damaging night on the town with Brandon Davis. Now the football star has ditched the heiress in favor of a mystery woman in Arizona, who presumably keeps a lower profile than Paris…and better company. Sorry, but firecrotch karma’s a bitch.

ICYMI: Not Many Answers Found In the LOST Finale

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So am I the only Lostie who was slightly disappointed by last night’s big 2-hour season finale? I mean sure, it was as entertaining as always, but I guess I was sort of expecting more dramatic revelations than the “oh yeah, the plane crashed cause some dude messed up in the hatch” thing. Is there really an intricate, cohesive Truth tying all the mystery together, or are the show’s producers just really good at making us “press the button” on our remotes out of sheer curiosity? Tell us what you think in the comments. Also, if you missed last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, one of the guests was “Hugh McIntyre” from “The Hanso Foundation”. It’s kinda long and, again, no stunning revelations, but if you’re interested…

SIZZLER: Britney’s Poem Revised, Still Bad

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Britney Spears’ mysterious poem, No More Chains, which was first posted on her website on Saturday but was taken down shortly thereafter, is back up. Tabloids are interpreting the poem as a reference to K-Fed cheating (re: “you trick me once, you trick me twice , now it’s three”). But we think there are just too many layers to the stanzaic composition to be interpreted so narrowly. Luckily she included a picture when she re-posted the poem yesterday. And we think it best explains what the poem is really about: too many appletinis with the girls.

Read the entire poem here.

ICYMI: Flaming Commencement Speech

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If there’s anyone in the world who has practical wisdom to pass on to America’s college graduates, it’s the man who once wrote a song called “Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell”. In this two-part video series, Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne gives one of most…interesting…commencement speeches in the history of education. The second half of the video can be found at Scenestars.

AMC Can’t Quit Brokeback

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The AMC channel understands that Brokeback Mountain was a huge success, but they just don’t understand why. Posters for their first ever original movie Broken Trail (airing June 25th) –plastered all over New York City– are identical to the posters for the groundbreaking gay cowboy film. Only they’ve replaced Heath and Jake’s profiles with those of Thomas Hayden Church and Robert Duvall. And based on the movie’s summary, they’ve also replaced hot gay sex with middle-aged heterosexual romance. But judging by the movie poster and the word ‘broke’, the two men have just as strong a connection–platonically speaking of course.

Meanwhile, nothing’s as hot as our Brokeback Mountain T-shirts. Pick one up in our product shop!

ICYMI: Hicks Wins, Hasselhoff Weeps

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It takes a lot to make David Hasselhoff cry. And by a lot we mean, a gray-haired white guy winning American Idol. Check out the grand finale of last night’s show. Taylor Hicks takes the title, but the Hoff steals the spotlight.
(via socialite life)

POLL: And the Winner is …Hicks or Aiken’s Hair?

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After last night’s American Idol we’re still unclear who really won. Was it Taylor Hicks who stole the title of American Idol? Or was it Clay Aiken’s new strategically rockin’ haircut which stole our hearts? You tell us…

It’s May 25th; What’s up?

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tv set4.jpgOkay, so I have good news and bad news. The good news is there are a lot of great shows on tonight– The Office, ER, CSI, Numb3rs, Everybody Hates Chris… the list goes on and on. But the bad news? They’re all repeats. Yep, it’s that time of year.

Outside of Fox’s 2-houir premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, threre’s really nothing new on tonight. Sure, you can watch Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle on ABC or The Hulk on Sci-Fi if you’ve never seen them before, but maybe it’d be better if you made plans and went out for a change. You know– be social.

Nah.

What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!