A Eulogy In Remembrance of Celebrity Cooking Showdown

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Alan_thicke3
Ah Celebrity Cooking Showdown, how we hardly knew you.  You showed so much promise, with your seemingly perfect recipe for success: One part Iron Chef rip-off, one part B-list celebs displaying how inadequate they are at anything other than being on TV, one part host Alan Thicke’s rambling, scotch-soaked commentary, and of course the secret ingredient: the fact that, until now, America has proven to LOVE watching almost any mundane activity if it’s "With the Stars!".  So what went wrong? 

If I had to guess, I would say that it has something to do with the fact that even someone with the most inept culinary abilities could recognize that watching famous chefs hand-hold frenzied "stars" as they run around the stage bumbling their way through the preparation of fairly simple meals is not only boring, but also pretty pointless.  Who cares if some daytime soap star can put together a pot roast with Wolfgang Puck walking her through the whole thing?  Considering the fact that NBC pulled last night’s final episode and replaced with re-runs of Will & Grace and My Name Is Earl, the answer is pretty obvious. 

Celebrity Cooking Showdown, you will certainly be forgotten, but shall never be missed.  Here’s hoping that Mowing the Lawn With (Kinda-Sorta) Movie Stars will fare a little better.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Rodeohead01Aquarium Drunkard heads down to the Durrty South with a couple of tracks from The North Mississippi All-Stars excellent album of blues covers.
  • The Rawking Refuses to Stop gets on his little pony to deliver the message of the awesomeness of Sparklehorse.
  • Good Hodgkins brings us five essential tracks from 2006, with downloads from Destroyer, Belle & Sebastian and Voxtrot.
  • Beirut bears listentening, says Said the Gramophone.
  • Scenestars adds more steam to the engine of the Gnarls Barkley hype train with a nice video of the guys performing "Crazy" on Top of the Pops
  • This is old, but in case you missed it and since it’s Friday, Sixeyes reminds us of the hilarity of "Rodeohead" – Hard ‘N Phirm’s awesome medley of Radiohead songs, played as country bluegrass.

Ashley Parker Angel On Top!

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Tifash He made it! Ashley Parker Angel’s single "Let U Go" earned Billboard’s highest debut this week. It’s crazy to think that singer/songwriter like Angel who came out of nowhere and worked his way up could have this big of a debut! I remember a time when he barely had enough money to pay for his pillar candle habit and his Mercedes SLR. Things were tough there, but he and wife Tif, were just innocent kids with a dream and a reality show on MTV.

On May 16th his  debut album drops and fans can finally hear the breath of his solo work. I mean he put his heart and soul into (co)-writing those songs. The whole thing was like a therapy session literally. I mean he had to pay his co-writers by the hour. And now he wants the whole world to see what went into making his dream come true: hard work, determination and endless hours in front of a blue screen reacting to past moments captured by There & Back Producers. What a crazy journey to the top!

Why Buy A Pussycat Doll?

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Hasbro is transforming the popular girl-group The Pussycat Dolls into actual dolls. So why would you buy a Pussycat Doll? Well

  • PussycatEach doll sells for $15, which is roughly half as much as the actual Pussycat Dolls sell themselves for.
  • The 12-inch figures will be decked in the Pussycat Dolls’ signature short skirts and lace tops– Not replicas, the ACTUAL short skirts and lace tops.
  • Hasbro’s director of marketing says that the new dolls will "reflect the styles and fashions that are popular in the world today…" She then added, "with whores."
  • Hasbro also encourages family members to be "involved in not only the doll-purchasing decision, but also in playing with the dolls." Except for that one creepy uncle. He should stay away.
  • They’re marketing the doll to 6 to 9 year olds. I have a feeling the usage of those two numbers is not a coincidence.
  • The PCD’s biggest song "Don’t Cha" contains the lyrics "I know you want it/ it’s easy to see/ And in the back of your mind/ I know you should be f**king me." Awesome! Now replace "f**king" with "buying" and you have yourself one catchy little jingle.

I’m going out and buying myself a Pusscat Doll doll the day they come out. It’s all the fun of an actual Pussycat Doll, with half the disease! Order now!

The President’s New Speechwriters

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Bushreads
With this week’s big staff shake-up at the White House, President Bush might be on the look-out for  some new speechwriters.  Judging by the work of these elementary students, whose presidential speeches are read (hilariously) by a professional Bush impersonator, Bush might actually benefit from getting some…younger blood into the Oval Office. 

(via Waxy)

MAZEL TOV! Top 5 Best Bar/Bat Mitvahs Ever

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Yesterday, Will Smith visited Jerusalem’s Western Wall and crashed Atir Cohen’s passage from boy to man. While to 13 year old Cohen who got to take a picture with Smith after he rolled up his Torah, it was the best bar mitzvah ever. Which got us thinking what are some of the best bar mitzvah’s ever? Here’s a list of our top five:

5. Sasha Dominguez, rented a Ferrari Spider, a hummer and a jet ski and filmed 27 hours of a Mission Impossible-inspired movie about her Bat Mitzvah. 

4. Sarah Gold, Ari Gold’s daughter in the HBO show Entourage, had a lavish Beverly Hills style event with hot superstar guests like Vincent Chase (who Sarah even got to dance with!) But the best part was garnering nominal affection from her dad.

Read more…

While You Were Working For the Weekend

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  • Jolie_2Bored with buying children from exotic countries, Angelina Jolie has decided to purchase an exotic country of her own, and presumably all the children in it.  First law: weird names and mohawks are mandatory!
  • Austria is releasing an official postage stamp bearing the face of supermodel Naomi Campbell.  The image depicts Cambell standing triumphantly atop a vanquished assistant, holding a bloody cell phone to the sky.
  • Police are looking for a con artist who also happens to be the brother of Eva Mendes.  Finally, I understand how she was able to con the whole world into thinking she’s talented.
  • According to their "official" website, The Smashing Pumpkins have "officially" reunited.  Too bad I "offically" stopped caring about 8 years ago.
  • An actor who plays a terrorist hijacker in the 9/11 film United 93 was refused entry into the US to attend the film’s premiere.  Apparently Homeland Security was concerned he might be a "method actor". 
  • John Milton’s epic poem Paradise Lost is going to be adapted into a film.  And across the nature, crusty old high school English teachers rejoice!

SJP Tries To Get Cynthia Nixon Off

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Sarah_jessica_1Sarah_jessica_2

Ruth Buzzy Sarah Jessica Parker reunited with her old Sex and the City co-star Cynthia Nixon (who happens to be, as you know, into the same sex… and the city.) Continuing on with her role as Carrie, the ultimate c-tease, it looks like SJP is doing her best to work Cynthia up to a frenzy in these pictures. Whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Comforting her with a gentle hand hold. Reminding her what a big, phallic nose is capable of. And then leaving her all hot and bothered as she goes home to cuddle with Ferris Bueller. But that’s just Carrie being Carrie. Bitch.