Alan was all set to tape the best of all best nights ever, but the power went out in Queens and instead, he spent the night baking in million-degree heat. So you get some highlights, except for Project Runway, which is totally getting a post of its own.
Going an entire summer without The Office would have been too much to deal with. Thankfully they’re airing webisodes over at NBC.com to keep us updated on our favorite Pennsylvanian office staff all summer long. Kevin and Angela took a sick day and snuck over to Best Week Ever to guide us through what’s SFW and what’s NSFW via a handy instructional video. So check it out… and make sure you take notes.
People, look at your clocks. There are less than five hours until Project Runway throws their first contestant off, ever! And you know what that means? Six hours of wild, baseless speculation until we know what happens for sure! Of course, most people are praying that Jude Kinnear gets thrown off, and his odds and nosejob are looking good. But this is it — one last guess — and we want to make it as random as poss. Hence the theory mentioned in today’s Entertainment Weekly blog, Popwatch. They believe that the CTOBASBKTG (Contestant Throw Off By A Stern But Kind Tim Gunn) is Angela. For God’s sake, the girl can’t draw OR sew — and it’s a reality show ABOUT SEWING. They feel that Angela grabbed the mini-bubble skirt from her own closet (since she literally wears one each and every week) and used it in the runway competition. While this is certainly the most far-fetched theory, and while we don’t believe it for a second, it gives us a certain joy to picture Angela’s stupid, boring face off the Runway for good. And we can only really do that for about 5 more hours, so let us have it.
Ask him about prison torture, the gas crisis, escalating violence in the Middle East or long division, and George W. Bush will mumble some mispronounced catchphrases and give you a blank stare that is part confusion, part resentment and a lot of sheer terror. But if you ask him what he thinks about Braveheart getting busted for boozin’ on the road, suddenly the guy is cracking one-liners like he’s Conan O’Brien. Of course he still manages to dodge the question of Mel’s guilt or innocence, but that’s just what he does – and something tells me he’s seen The Passion of the Christ more than once. Also, have you noticed how all Bush’s attempts at levity with the press end up being more awkward than having Mel Gibson over for Passover?
Sure it’s Shark Week, but who cares? It also happens to be The Summer of The Hoff so there’s no way you should miss America’s Got Talent tonight. According to The Hoff’s blog, he’s amazed by how many of the acts have improved throughout the duration of the show. And if THE HOFF is amazed, you know that some amazing s**t is going down.
Also on tonight, another installment of Stephen King’s Nightmares & Dreamscapes and an all new episode of So You Think You Can Dance? So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
To many people, Jon Stewart is a lot of things: Brilliant, Hilarious, Adorable, Causer of All Wars. (See this clip for further proof.) But to a small group of New Yorkers, Jon Stewart is the ultimate thing: God. The Idol Chatter blog spotted a group of enthusiasts sporting long white robes and signs informing us heathens that “Jon Stewart Is God.” The zealots (who call themselves the “Jonsons”) are backed up by a water-tight argument: Jon Stewart “is not a man because no man can be consistently that funny. He is not an animal because he is way too articulate. He is not a plant because… well… he moves too fast.”
We sincerely hope that these people are not joking — the more we think about this religion, the more we begin to believe. And look at their conviction! They even rounded up a sub-par college a capella group (aren’t they all?) to record the soon-to-be hit song, with the surprisingly titled “Jon Stewart is God.” T minus 3 hours til “WWJSD?” shirts hit the market — and no, these do not count.
Check out this picture of Tom Hanks and Ron Howard taking in a baseball game recently. Believe it or not, there is a third leg to this power-celebrity tri-pod. Who do you think it is? Who’s most likely to be hanging out with these brahs? We’ll have the answer up tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder if The Hoff is holding a team of LSD-fueled film students prisoner is his Fortress of Hoffitude, forcing them to constantly produce bizarre video segments he then uses as part of his evil plot to take over the entire Internet and claim it in the holy name of Hoff. His latest Quicktime hallucination comes in the form of a commercial spot for some company called Pipex that claims to be an Internet service provider, but in all likeliehood is just another Hoff-controlled part of his masterplan to completely blow our minds.