Play That Funky Music… For BWE

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So you may have noticed that here at BWE we use a lot of music in our videos and our podcasts. We’re constantly searching for new, fun music to score Best Night Ever, because- hey, it wouldn’t be the best night ever without a good soundtrack. Right?

Well, we want to open it up to you. Are you in a band? Are you an up-and-coming singer/songwriter who would love to get your music out to hundreds of thousands of people a week? Are you on MySpace? If you answered Yes to any of these questions, then you’re just what we’re looking for.

Click here for details, (it’s easy, I promise) and in no time you could be hearing your stuff on the BWE Podcasts. Let’s rock… as hard as a blog can, that is.

SIZZLER: Michelle Rodriguez Leaving Us Forever!

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Lucia.jpgGood news for the millions of US citizens who operate motor vehicles – the roads are about to be a lot safer! Not one to be left out of all the LOST finale buzz despite getting killed off, convicted DUI offender and anti-charity-work spokesperson Michelle Rodriguez informed a TMZ camera man that she’s planning on “leaving the country and never coming back” after she serves her 60-day jail sentence for violating probation. She went on to explain about a mythical land known as “France” where “people don’t bother you”, incorrectly presuming that the wine-loving frogs don’t mind if you happen to enjoy speeding along the country-side with a bottle of scotch in one arm and a bi-curious blonde in the other.

While You Were Asking Your Barber for the Clay-cut

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Sex Advice From Guitar Gods

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cc deville.jpgEver wonder what Poison guitarist / Surreal Life cast member C.C. Deville likes to listen to when he gets it on? Curious about what it takes to get backstage with Nick Wheeler, the guitarist from the All-American Rejects? Well, wonder no more. Alexis Tirado over at Nerve.com talked to C.C., Nick, and two other guitar gods in an effort to help us normal folk. Here’s my favorite C.C. quote:

For me, making love is better. I get more out of it. Something could be said for just plain f**king the person you love. Sometimes if I’m in a lovely-dovey mood, before you know it my girlfriend is putting my face in the toilet and saying, “Get out of the freaking mood, man! I want to f**k like a pig now! Put on your rubber dress again!” “Yes, mom.” If you’re with the person you love, it’s all good.

Wow. Put on your rubber dress and check it out now.

CAPTION THIS: 9021OH!

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It looks like Brian Austin Green has definitely graduated from Donna Martin. The 92010 star was recent spotted engaging in a crotch handshake with Hope and Faith actress Megan Fox at an outdoor cafe. Caption this awesome candid in the comments section.

BWE Didn’t Start the Firecrotch

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billyjoelvideopic.JPGWell, it’s been over a week since Brandon Davis delivered the disgusting diatrabe that would send the phrase ‘firecrotch’ flaming into the pop culture heavens, and we know you’re as sick of it as we are.

The firecrotch phenomenon was fun while it lasted – internet parodies, a confrontational superfan (who we interviewed), celebrity imitations, inevitable T-shirts, unnecessary comparisons, and endless amounts of lame ‘fire’ puns, some of which are sprinkled throughout this post. But even the most ridicule-rich stories must come to an end, which is why I have decided to stomp out the dying embers of the firecrotch by writing the Obligatory Theme Song summarizing the scandal, which is always the nail in the coffin of any pop culture phenomenon. So here it is (and consider yourselves lucky we didn’t actually record it):

“BWE Didn’t Start the Firecrotch”

(Words by Yours Truly/Music by the one and only Billy Joel)

Brandon Davis, Hyde Nightclub, bloated hier, way too drunk,
Paris Hilton, paparazzi, caught on video.
Lindsay Lohan, seven million, feuding starlet, red-haired vixen,
Boyfriend Crazy, Pissed off Paris, Uh-uh bitch hell no.
Hollywood, catfight, talking shit, socialites,
Brandon, soaked in scotch, decides to kick it up a notch,
Really vulgar, horrible, discussing Lindsay’s genitals,
length of clitoris, freckled orgasms, don’t forget ‘firecrotch’.

BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
It just started burning,
and our wheels got turning.
BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
Though we once enjoyed it,
it’s gotten annoying.

TMZ tape, gossip blogs, tabloid and media calls,
Making statements, blaming cellphones, PR Nightmare.
Outrage, hilarity, endless online parodies,
Lindsay’s fan takes revenge on the oily-haired oil heir.
Never-ending, overkill, it’s really not that big a deal,
Spoiled rich kids, pointless fights, in LA its just another night.
Firecrotch, silly phrase, not the first time its been said,
Make it stop, let’s move on, the Brandon Davis horse is dead!

BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
It just started burning,
and our wheels got turning.
BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
Though we once enjoyed it,
it’s gotten annoying.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Today, not only does Neiles Life give you a scorecard rating this year’s TV shows, they also posted a handful of Clipse tracks featuring Pharrell. Good stuff all around.
  • Minneapolis is being well represented over at Product Shop NYC with brand new tracks by Soul Asylum and The Replacements. Wynona Rider must be thrilled.
  • Looking at Them has a bunch of live tracks today- everybody from Tom Petty to Lenny Kravitz to Jonathan Richman to Neil Young. Check them out.
  • If you’re in your 20′s, as much as you want to love David Bowie, you’re always going to be a little freaked out by him thanks to Labyrinth. Right? Domino Rally has the song “Magic Dance” from the soundtrack. Download it. Bug out.
  • Finally, The Rich Girls Are Weeping has tracks by The Sex Pistols, The Smiths, Joy Division and The Buzzcocks today. I’m guessing it’s the Joy Division that’s making them weep.

SIZZLER: Paris Dumped

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pl.jpgIt seems that Matt Leinart has dumped spring-fling Paris Hilton , in part due to pressure from his team who feared he’d be caught in a compromising position with the heiress. While the couple were spotted all over town earlier this month, Leinart narrowly avoided a potentially career-damaging night on the town with Brandon Davis. Now the football star has ditched the heiress in favor of a mystery woman in Arizona, who presumably keeps a lower profile than Paris…and better company. Sorry, but firecrotch karma’s a bitch.

ICYMI: Not Many Answers Found In the LOST Finale

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So am I the only Lostie who was slightly disappointed by last night’s big 2-hour season finale? I mean sure, it was as entertaining as always, but I guess I was sort of expecting more dramatic revelations than the “oh yeah, the plane crashed cause some dude messed up in the hatch” thing. Is there really an intricate, cohesive Truth tying all the mystery together, or are the show’s producers just really good at making us “press the button” on our remotes out of sheer curiosity? Tell us what you think in the comments. Also, if you missed last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, one of the guests was “Hugh McIntyre” from “The Hanso Foundation”. It’s kinda long and, again, no stunning revelations, but if you’re interested…

SIZZLER: Britney’s Poem Revised, Still Bad

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Britney Spears’ mysterious poem, No More Chains, which was first posted on her website on Saturday but was taken down shortly thereafter, is back up. Tabloids are interpreting the poem as a reference to K-Fed cheating (re: “you trick me once, you trick me twice , now it’s three”). But we think there are just too many layers to the stanzaic composition to be interpreted so narrowly. Luckily she included a picture when she re-posted the poem yesterday. And we think it best explains what the poem is really about: too many appletinis with the girls.

Read the entire poem here.