YOU DECIDE: Who Has the Hottest Firecrotch?

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I guess this was inevitable. Now that ‘firecrotch’ is the word on everyone’s lips these days, and since Paris Hilton giggled along as Brandon Davis so eloquently used the term to describe Lindsay Lohan’s nether-regions, you should be able to decide for yourselves how her own firecrotch (herpes don’t count!) matches up against Lohan’s. Vote for the hottest crotch in the comments.

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(Paris pic via Jossip)

Borat In Cannes!

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Who cares about all the boring talentless starlet clamoring to impress Brett Ratner paparazzi shots from Cannes when there are all these lovely photos of the sexiest man in Kazakhstan cavorting along the beach in the south of France. Borat’s in town to promote his self-titled big-screen debut, which has been getting mad buzz since it’s premiere screening. If it’s even half as awesome as that bathing suit, I think it could be the breakout hit of the year.

Ryan Seacrest Breaks Bad News

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seacrest.jpgTonight, Ryan Seacrest is left to perform a thankless task. On national television, in front of a massive viewing audience, he will be forced to break the news to Katharine McPhee one of the two remaining American Idol contestants that they will not be the next American Idol.

Thankfully, Ryan has a lot of experience delivering bad news.

Need proof? Just read this great McSweeney’s piece by Sarah Schmelling and you’ll see that throughout history there hasn’t been a better bearer of bad news than Seacrest. As if there was any doubt.

While You Were Teaching Your Dog Karate

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  • Paris Hilton is paid $200 grand to wave. But if you want her to do more, her price is negotiable.
  • Kirsten Dunst’s movie Marie Antoinette in bad shape atCannes. Her teeth are still in worse shape.
  • X-Tina Aguilera gets drunk. Slurs the word ‘dirty.’
  • Janet Jackson miraculously loses a 60 pounds. Must be same rigorous fitness regimen as Star Jones.
  • Kevin Federline’s days are numbered. Luckily he can’t count.
  • Sandra Bullock gets a restraining order from stalker. Goes by the name of Keanu Reeves.
  • Kevin Spacey almost quit being an actor before he got famous. Great, so now he’s never going to quit.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • The Runout Groove is up to their eighth installment covering Pulp’s discography. Damn I love those guys.
  • My Old Kentucky does it again- today they have a ton of artists covering Elvis‘ “Suspicious Minds” and The Pixies‘ “Where Is My Mind.” Just do yourself a favor- don’t download the James Blunt version. Blech.
  • Dodge isn’t the only guy who can post a bunch of different versions of the same song; San Diego Serenade has 6 versions of “Honkey Tonk Woman,” including takes by The Rolling Stones, Humble Pie and The Black Crowes.
  • Speaking of classic rock, head on over to Good Rockin’ Tonight and download a couple of tracks by Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show. They deserve your attention because not only are they the “Cover of Rolling Stone” band, their lead singer wore an eye patch. That’s good enough for me.
  • And finally, Hi-Fi Popcorn has a handful of solo tracks by Alec Ounsworth, the lead singer of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Check them out, then do whatever the hell you want with your hands.

BWE EXCLUSIVE: Brandon’s Arch Nemesis: the IM Interview

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It all started with Brandon Davis calling Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch and it all ends here. Meet Juanita, a 20 year-old Los Angeles student and Lindsay Lohan fan/protector, who stood outside an LA nightclub and verbally destroyed Brandon Davis (watch footage here). Her killer lines like “No wonder Mischa left you” and “What does your own sh*t taste like?” have sent Brandon into Osama-style hiding.

So we tracked down Juanita and asked her over Instant Message how the whole thing went down: i just saw him and was like “hell no”

And if she has anything else to say to him: i wish i would have told him to grow some balls

Watch out Brandon, that’s just the beginning…Read our complete Instant Message Interview with Juanita aka Brandon Davis’ worst nightmare, after the jump.

Read more…

ICYMI: Jack Black’s Musical Number on Ellen

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If you didn’t catch Ellen this morning (or if it’s not required viewing at your work), you missed one incredible musical number by Jack Black. The entire show was supposed to be a musical and every guest performed a song. But Jack Black’s number will go down in history. He sings, he dances, he’s hilarious. So grab your lunch and take a few minutes enjoy a number that will knock your socks off.

PROPPED: Karate Dog

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karate dog.jpgThanks to dalsie83 for Dropping this video of what’s sure to be the greatest Dog Vs. Man movie since Air Bud: Seventh Inning FetchKarate Dog. What makes it so special? Well, can you think of another movie that features a computer generated karate-chopping dog AND Academy Award winning actor Jon Voight? Didn’t think so.

Watch the video by clicking here now, then head over and Drop a link of your own. Oh, and set your TIVO for Karate Dog before you forget. You know Angelina Jolie will.

AWESOMEWATCH: Dog Bites Man

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Last week on the subway I saw the very first ads for Comedy Central’s newest original series, Dog Bites Man. I’ve got to say, I’m not the biggest fan of the network that brought us comedy gems like Blue Collar Comedy and Mind of Mencia, but this show looks really funny. First of all, the cast includes the under-appreciated comedy genius that is Zach Galifianakis, who thus far hasn’t achieved any real breakout success despite being one of the funniest human beings on the planet. From the producer of Da Ali G Show, the mockumentary-style show lampoons a hapless local news team portrayed by performers from the Upright Citizen’s Brigade and Stella. While these folks don’t have the most successful TV-ratings resumes in the world, the ingredients for original, irreverent comedy are definitely there. Dog Bites Man doesn’t premiere for a couple weeks, so in the meantime check out a video preview here.