Shea Hess is back, and she’s ready to walk you through everything you need to know about Wednesday, March 1st 2006. Lost, Deal Or No Deal, American Idol, Project Runway– Shea’s on top of it.
- MARTYR: Scott Stapp. The poor baby thinks that his sex tape with Kid Rock was released because, "Obviously someone wants to hurt me and doesn’t want me to be successful in my solo career." Someone? I think it’s everyone. (AP)
- STRAIGHT FACE: Cage mom. "Mother of caged kids denies cruelty" (CNN)
- RUSSEL CROWE REVENGE: The hotel clerk at whom the actor Russel Crowe threw a phone. He has been fired from his job. (Contact Music)
- SOUP: Chicken noodle. (Marthastewart.com)
- CHRISTINA RICCI ROLE: Little Wednesday. (IMDB)
- POLYP: Dee Snider‘s. He’s going to get it removed, leaving the world without his voice for at least two months. (E!)
- FORGIVER: Macon Hawkins. He says that he forgives the Nigerian militants for kidnapping him because they were poor. (CNN)
- MARTIAL ARTS ROBOT: Hyperkinetic Humanoid (H2-X) (The Hyperkinetic Humanoid [H2-X] Robot Project)
Lindsay Lohan and her friends must love sunflowers. Just look at that lovely long-stemmed vase on their coffee table. Here’s a list of some other celebrities who allegedly love big, fragrant
James Gandolfini has made the decision to pretend that he got fat for a role. I respect that.
- Madonna has been added to the Coachella festival lineup. Indie rock nerds act ironically excited, while Madonna fans openly wonder what the Coachella festival is.
- Travis The Bachelor is a bachelor again after giving Sarah the boot. I guess what happened in Paris stayed in Paris.
- Courtney Cox Arquette is coming back to TV. After Joey and The Comeback, she wants to prove that bad shows come in 3′s.
- Bon Jovi is baffled by Jennifer Lopez’s musical success. You know, if it wasn’t for that head of hair I’d say Bon Jovi is a pretty okay guy.
- Crash features the most curse words out of this year’s Best Picture nominees. Though they’re mostly spoken by people leaving the theater asking, "Wait… that f***ing movie is up for best picture???"
Still disturbed by watching George and Meredith having sex? A Grey’s Anatomy writer explains why it had to happen at the show’s blog (using lots of CAPS and exclamation marks!!!):
sex HAD to happen. It was always going to happen. Hello. Shonda set this moment
up in the PILOT. George remembered the kind of strappy sandals Meredith was
wearing at the pre-internship mixer!!! Did you really really think this
moment â€“ this FREAKY GEORGE AND MEREDITH SEX â€“ was never gonna happen???
According to Celebrity Weekly magazine, Tom wants to name his forthcoming child Hubbard after Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard. The magazine reports "Tom loves to rub Katie’s belly and say hi to his ‘Little Hub.’" Now that the Scientology headquarters have been moved from Clearwater Florida to Katie’s belly, the sentiment has even more meaning.
USA Today (scroll down to "related item") has an
amusing feature that allows you to create your own Oscar speech. You choose
levels of gesture, emotion, catch phrases, political content, and thank yous,
and then an animated microphone(!) delivers your speech. Sadly, there’s no Sally
Field, Roberto Benigni, Cher costume, or streaker level. I know my speech would include a streaker.
I’m just going to come right out and say it: Dumb Kids are having the best week ever. And no, I’m not even talking about the dumb college kids in New Orleans lifting up their shirts for beads and
ultimately appearing in Girls Gone Wild. I’m talking about the REALLY dumb kids.
Like the 7-year-old girl who brought 18 bags of cocaine to school yesterday and shared them with her friends. What was she thinking? You can’t just go handing out freebies, how do you expect to ever make your money back? Come on kid, do the math.
Or how about the 12-year-old boy who stuck a piece of gum to a $1.5 million painting in Detroit? He smeared his wad of Wrigleys Polar Ice gum onto Helen Frankenthaler’s "The Bay," which doesn’t make any sense at all. If you’re trying to ruin a piece of art work, why not hold out for something more recognizable? Like "The Scream" or "Water Lilies"?
Finally, Dumb Kids are getting the recognition they deserve this week thanks to Adrianne Frost’s new book "I Hate Other People’s Kids." You know, after reading those two stories, I don’t think she needs to elaborate on that. It makes sense. Dumb Kids are having the best week ever.
- TMZ uncovers footage of boy band 98 degrees that’s been buried for years. Well by buried they mean taped over.
- What’s big and orange and has no front teeth? The new James Bond.
- Lindsay Lohan walks the runway for Oscar fashion week protected by a red bracelet. Homeless man walks city streets protected by a blue thermos.
- George Clooney hearts Terri Hatcher. Terri Hatcher hearts botox.
- Patrick Dempsey reveals troubled past as a dyslexic on tonight’s Barbara Walters special. Also Matthew McConaughy reveals little league heartbreak.
- Olympic star Athletes Sascha Cohen and Shaun White finally meet. Unfortunately people stopped caring about them on Tuesday.
- Nick Lachey wants to spot you.
It’s not too late to enter the contest… in fact, you have almost an entire week left! Click here to get the Paul Scheer heads to play with.
That almost sounded dirty, didn’t it?
Anyway, send your best photoshops to BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com.