Jack Osbourne announced yesterday that he has closed a deal with a publisher to release his memoir. Through our shadowy network of media operatives, BWE.tv was able to procure the ENTIRE text of the autobiography, which will be the shortest in history, considering he was only 20 years old when he wrote it. Here it is, unabridged, for you all to enjoy:
My dad’s weird so my family was on TV and I got wasted a lot until I had to stop partying so much then I went to rehab and lost weight. THE END
Riveting stuff – we might have a regular Hemingway on our hands here.
There’s been so much celeb fighting this week, I thought I had finally reached a point where nothing would really surprise me. Then I read this story about clothing designer Tommy Hilfiger punching Axl Rose in the face before being escorted out of Rosario Dawson’s birthday party. After convincing myself that I wasn’t on mushrooms and had in fact just read that, I was left feeling kind of sorry for Axl. I mean, how can you get any less Rock & Roll than fighting with an aging fashion designer at some starlet’s private birthday party? With the exception of getting b*tch-slapped by Estelle Getty at a Build-a-Bear store in a suburban shopping mall, I don’t think it’s even possible.
After years of doing their part, Fergie’s fake breasts are no longer enough to divert attention away from her face.
pic from IDLYITW
Breaking up is hard to do. Now that DJ AM and Lindsay Lohan, are spinning sweet music together, Nicole Richie is totally coming undone. These pictures taken yesterday outside of an Indian grocery store are baffling gossips who can’t figure out if she’s planning something for her reported album or for another season of The Simple Life. But we’ve seen this before, when Steve Martin hit rock bottom in The Jerk, only all he needed was a thermos and some matches, not a trunk full of world music instruments. (via ONTD)
UPDATE: Spin has a sample of Nicole Richie’s new song Dandelion, a cover of an LFO song. Based on this brief clip we can easily say she’s just as good a singer as she is a writer.
Defamer points us to an interesting side-note from the World Trade Center trailer released earlier this week. As if having Nicholas Cage play an “action star cop” as directed by the guy who did Natural Born Killers, in a movie about the single most affecting tragedy to befall America in the last 50 years wasn’t bad enough, the film’s executives at Paramount found it necessary to prominently display a billboard for their movie Zoolander in the trailer. However, I guess it’s true that no image could encapsulate what we were all feeling that day as much as Ben Stiller giving us the “Blue Steel” pose directly below a building upon which a plane has cast its very ominous shadow.
Normally we wouldn’t make assumptions, but since DJ AM did just break up with Nicole Richie (again) and Lindsay Lohan does have a way of nursing the broken hearts of other people’s boyfriends, we’re kinda curious about this photo taken last night at a party in LA. The two look like they were engaged in a very intense conversation. Of course, we don’t want to fan the flames of the firecrotch.
If baby Brangelina is born today, the mystics at the New York Post are on to something. Check out the horoscope they published today for people with a May 19th birthday:
Mercury, planet of the mind, moves into the money sector of your chart on your birthday this year, so use your brain power and make your talents pay. But don’t think you have to follow the same path to fame and fortune that others have taken before you. Think of new ways to cash in, ways that will get you noticed, and rewarded.
Like being born.
In what might be the rusty nail in Brandon Davis‘ coffin of sleaziness, his filthy sermon on Lindsay Lohan’s genitalia has actually inspired moral outrage from the likes of Howard Stern and now even Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis has stopped screaming “show me your tits!” long enough to weigh in how unclassy Davis is. I’m sorry, but when a masturbation-obsessed shock jock and a man who’s made millions convincing drunken sorority girls to jiggle their boobs around on video come out and call you a sleazebag, it’s time to do some serious soul-searching. That level of sleaziness is utterly unfathomable. With less than two minutes, a handful of paparazzi, and a bloodstream full of vodka-Red Bulls, Brandon Davis has managed to make Larry Flynt look like Jerry Falwell.