Aint It Cool News took a break from furiously masturbating over all the latest trailers for Superman Returns to tell us about something truly cool and awesome: a sequel to the 1989 Patrick Swayze classic, Road House. “What is Road House“, you ask? Um, only the awesomest movie ever made. I mean, this is a film that features Patrick Swayze boning Kelly Lynch against a wall while Otis Redding plays in the background (NSFW, or anywhere else really). And some of the most elaborately choreographed fight scenes ever created – awesome even when they’re sub-titled in Spanish! I’d like to see the fancy-pants Matrix movies top THAT kind of action! So yeah, there’s gonna be a sequel called Road House 2: Last Call, but for some insane reason, it won’t have Patrick Swazye or his beautiful voice in it, so who knows? Now here’s an anime version of his hit song, “She’s Like the Wind”.
According to new reports, Britney Spears has officially kicked Kevin Federline out of her bed and out of her life, and her publicist has not denied the claim. After trying work it out, Britney reportedly returned from her trip to New York to find K-Fed smoking weed in the house. So now Federline has been banished to live in the basement of their California mansion. But Kevin isn’t worried. With a lava lamp and a few bean bag chairs, it’ll be even sweeter than his mom’s garage.
Madonna and Michael Jackson. When I was a child in nursery school, that was my answer to the question “If you could choose your parents, who would you choose.” You could only imagine how I would’ve turned out.
Throughout the years, celebrities have coupled up and popped out children (like this one in the Best Baby Ever onesie) left and right. These kids, who are born rich and famous, seem to have it all: money, power, groupies (?), and to top it all off– super cool celebrity parents. With some of these Celebrity Parents you can’t help but look at them and wish that you were the one calling them Mom and Dad– Upgrade! But with other couples, you’re glad that you’re not the one being dragged around in front of the paparazzi with them– Downgrade!
If you’re like me and desperate for the summer to end and LOST to return, Something Awful has put together this hilarious “secret memo” spoof supposedly written by Damon Lindelof, the show’s head writer. Below are some excerpts from his “preliminary ideas for next season”:
- We will have an episode where we reveal that the entire island is run by aliens and aliens are causing everything and every mystery can be solved by just saying aliens. After the inevitable backlash from the fans, we will point out that the episode aired on April 1st and the entire thing was a prank. Then, of course, one of them will notice that April is the fourth month. And 4 is one of the cursed numbers. Oh, oh, and it’s the first of April and four times one is also four. Which is one of the cursed numbers. Slamdunk.
- I’ve been noticing a decline in the biting wit usually evident in Sawyer’s constant nicknames for the other survivors. In order to rectify this, I put together a sample list of names that are up to his usual hilarious quality:
“long haired dude”
“stuck on the island guy”
While you were firing up the grill and drinking pabst on rooftops this holiday weekend, bizzaro Axl Rose continued his attempt to convince the world that he’s really the original Guns N Roses frontman.
When the puffy-faced Tommy Hilfiger-hitter performed Sweet Child o’ Mine in Portugal at the Rock n Rio concert on Saturday, he still didn’t seem like his old mid-90′s self. But his manager released a statement today blaming it on the fact that Axl was suffering from a muscle spasm during the performance. Hmm, wonder if that had anything to do with the woman’s corset he was wearing.
It looks like divorcees Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are finally making amends. Aniston reportedly reached out to Angelina Jolie and Pitt to congratulate them on the birth of their new
bundle of joy messiah, Shiloh. According to Life and Style Weekly : â€œJen got the news late on Saturday afternoon… After some debate with Vince, Jen decided to call Bradâ€™s manager and give congratulations from them both.” Brad’s manager was reportedly touched, but refused to apologize for running off with Angelina.
So who’s… you know… is it? And why the hell would we post the picture here? Well, click below to find out.
If you’ve turned on NBC some time in the past month (which you probably have, if for no other reason than to watch Celebrity Cooking Showdown) you know that Last Comic Standing is starting up tonight. You’ve seen Doug Benson in the commercials. You know you’re gonna watch.
Surprisingly, on top of LCS there’s a lot on tonight. Liz Phair guest stars on Pepper Dennis, Jamie Kennedy is Blowin’ Up on MTV, and Kathy Griffin offers
masochists viewers a sneak peek of her upcoming show on Bravo. So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
This awesome pic via the always-hilarious Gallery of the Absurd:
The Black Eyed Peas met Nelson Mandela during a stint in Africa where they launched a children’s charity and played a free concert. The band was happy they could make a difference. Frontman will.i.am told reporters that he hoped his own struggle to pursue a music career would motivate South African kids to strive for a better life. And Fergie wore a shirt that said I love ponies.