Stephen Colbert. Comedian. Newsman. Vessel of Truthiness. Superhero? According to Marvel Comics, the answer is yes. Editor-in-chief of Marvel Joe Quesada presented Colbert with this comic book mock-up on his show Thursday night, with Colbert killing what he believes to be the biggest threat to our freedom as Americans… a big bear. You know, they should really give all Daily Show contributors their own comic books. Who doesn’t want to see Jon Stewart kick some political ass while in a head-to-toe body stocking? (Click thumbnail to enlarge… your heart.)
Friday night at 11pm Best Week Ever will air its 100th episode. For the past two and a half years we’ve said a lot of intentionally hilarious things about a lot of unintentionally hilarious celebrities. In honor of reaching this milestone, all this week we’re going to countdown our five favorite celebrities and remind you in 100 seconds why we love making fun of them. Today, we celebrate #5– Paris Hilton.
Who’s #4? Make sure you come back tomorrow to find out.
Listen up, it’s official: Singer James Blunt is the fourth most annoying thing ever, according to a British survey published today. Blunt’s #1 hit “You’re Beautiful” has already been banned from a number of British radio stations, following an unfortunate trend of bile shooting out of people’s earholes. According to the survey, Blunt is more annoying than “stepping in dog poo”, “heat rash” and “diahorrea”. While Blunt may be annoying, it’s fair to say that when faced with the quandry of listening to his lady-like vocals or having a horrible, sweat-inducing bout of the rhea, we’d choose Jamesy any day.
Check out the whole list after the jump, and note the quirky British slang of such items as “Somebody nicking your parking spot” (#34), and “Running out of loo roll” (#39). Also note #1. What are the odds that’s the only answer given by 90 percent of those surveyed before slamming the phone down?
- Pamela Anderson calls her weekend wedding to Kid Rock “the most romantic wedding of all-time.” Stay tuned for the video footage on Cinemax tonight at around 1 a.m.
- Fire broke out on the set of the new James Bond thriller Casino Royale. While the cause is still unknown, authorities are leaning towards the fire in Daniel Craig‘s trousers.
- Cameron Diaz admits that she enjoys playing her animated character Fiona in the Shrek films, because it doesn’t matter how bad her skin gets or how skinny she is. So that explains why Justin Timberlake masturbates to Looney Tunes.
- The press interviews Brad Pitt‘s grandmother, who reveals that the star won’t marry until he is over his divorce of ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. She also reveals that Brad hates the Starlight mints she steals from her pinochle night, and that even the great-grandmothers of saviors suffer from incontinence.
- Eddie Van Halen will be composing the score for a new adult film (that’s porno, not Holocaust drama) called Sacred Sin. Not reported but assumed, David Lee Roth dusts off his “bomp-a-chick-a-wow” machine and prays for his own future.
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, July 30th! Pete and Brian are here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Dog Whisper, Mind of Mencia, and Dirty Jobs!
- Mel Gibson takes communion a little too far.
- Lindsay Lohan, after partying herself into the hospital, gets a single-page, form-written memo from God Himself telling her to repent from her sinful ways before he sends her to Hollywood Hell – a sitcom on UPN.
- Harry Potter is planning to perform naked, and wave his little “wand” all over a London stage.
- Former *NSYNC member Lance Bass rather unsubtly announces that he is gay, shocking the entire world. Well, except for the millions of people who saw this commercial, or anyone else who really bothered to think about it.
- DJ Qualls hustles and flows about his dislike of Lindsay Lohan for some friendly paparazzi.
- As always, The Hoff hoffs his hoff hoff.
- A brilliant reader puts a cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that was our Matthew McConaughey Photoshop Contest.
- Barbara Walters, still desperately trying to wrap her brain around the concept of people whose skin is darker than her own, continues her little minstrel show over at The View with the unwilling help of Mo’Nique, Brandy and Tanika Ray. Take another look at the video below and learn a little something about racial sensitivity.
- If you’re jealous that you aren’t indie enough to be going to the Pitchfork Music Festival this weekend, The Rawking Refuses to Stop has a few tracks from some of the artists on the line-up as a consolation. If you are going to the festival, be sure to use plenty of sunscreen on your pasty hipster skin.
- Brooklyn Ski Club hits the slopes with the Archie Bronson Outfit, who are actually pretty rockin’ despite having a name that sounds like a vaudeville polka trio.
- Brooklyn Vegan must have dove to the bottom of the East River to discover his latest treasure chest of indie rock goodness including Arctic Monkeys, Band of Horses, Midlake and more!
- EC, EU is hogging all the covers with rare tracks from REM, Iron & Wine and more.
- Based on what I’m hearing over at Awesome Until Proven Guilty, I think I’m pretty hot for the electro-rock sound of Hot Chip.
The trusty dirt-diggers over at TMZ have just released an exclusive report claiming that Mel Gibson was arrested last night in LA on suspicion of Driving Under the Influence. While details are still sketchy, a spokesman for the Sherriff’s Department reported that Gibson was released this morning, but the investigation is still ongoing. It’s hard to dispute an official booking report, but a holy man such as Gibson surely can’t be guilty of the crimes of which he’s been accused. Sure, he might have been having a late-night communion at a nearby tavern, but he had no choice other than to continuously cleanse himself with the blood of christ to be absolved of his sinful lust for the cocktail waitress in the low-cut blouse. No matter what Johnny Law says, Catholicism is not a crime, and the LAPD shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this blatant religious persecution. After all, what would Jesus do? I think He’d turn the other cheek or, in this case, toss Mel his car keys and a bottle of scotch.
Message to Lindsay Lohan: We are on to you and your “heat exhaustion.” (Picture a giant making sarcasm quotes on that one.) So says James Robinson, CEO of Morgan Creek Productions, the company producing Lohan’s latest cinematic venturing Georgia Rule. In an official looking letter (complete with Times New Roman font and company letterhead), Robinson calls Lohan “discourteous”, “unprofessional”, and a “spoiled child”. (Click thumbnail to read.) But most importantly, he says what’s been on the world’s mind for days: Enough with the heat exhaustion b.s. already — STOP PARTYING. PUT. THE STRAW. DOWN. UNSEAL YOUR LIPS FROM YOUR GOLDEN FLASK. You are about to be fired, which is big people talk for you are about to lose a lot of money. Most importantly, they have video of you going down on some dude! And you wouldn’t want that to ruin your reputation, would you, babygirl?
One of them is black! One of them is white! Together they fight crime! It’s Miami Vice!
The Foxx/Farrell action movie is poised to take down Johnny Depp this weekend, but something tells me the Pirates won’t go easy. Granted, everybody in the country has already seen Pirates Of The Carribbean (twice), but I think it’s going to finish on top again. What do you think? And what are YOU spending $11 a ticket on this weekend? Vote now!