LISTEN UP: Aristocrunk



  • Over at their MySpace page, you can download a few ditties from the dandies in Lord T and Eloise, the world’s first purveyors of “Aristocrunk”.
  • Fluxblog has new remixes from Stephen Malkmus, who also has a new album coming out, which also probably won’t be as good as Pavement.
  • YANP has a new track from Magnolia Electric Co, and a new “why doesn’t anyone appreciate good songwriters anymore?” rant to go along with it.
  • I still can’t get enough Bob Dylan, and thankfully Aquarium Drunkard can’t either, and posted a whole mess of outtakes from the Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan recordings.
  • Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good says that newcomers Stars of Track and Field are beautiful people AND sound like Coldplay. Go listen and try to determine which contradicting description is accurate.



studio 60.jpgSummer’s over, and that means two things. 1) It’s time to start counting down the days until your Christmas vacation, and 2) TV’s about to get good again. Finally. Besides all of your favorite shows that are returning, there’s a ton of new crap starring some pretty talented actors and actresses that’ll be hitting the airwaves this fall. Soon you’ll be able to find celebrities all over the dial and not just in the Surreal Life house. A ton of big names are hitting the small screen, however as we’ve come to learn throughout the years not all of them will be sticking around. Some celebs you pull for– you want them (and their show) to stick around for years and years: Upgrade! Others, you’d rather they disappear for a while before their inevitable return to Celebreality in 2012: Downgrade!

So who do you want to see live long and… prosper? Vote now!

ICYMI: Live From New York, Brit & K-Fed Not Very Bright!


Just when you thought you’d finally scrubbed off all that post-VMA celeb slime, we’re going to go ahead and post this clip from Britney and K-Fed, whose attempt at self-parody was so terribly bizarre, MTV has pulled it from all future broadcasts of the awards show. We mentioned it during our VMA live-blogging, but you should definitely see it again for the first time.

EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Does Her Best Ashlee Impression on The View; Did She Just… Lip-Sync???


When Jessica Simpson lost her voice last week, it threw a wrench in her plans to promote her new album A Public Affair. She had to cancel a few performances, which her record label (and father) couldn’t have been happy about.

Today, Jessica was scheduled to usher in the Rosie O’Donnell era of The View by performing on the daytime talk show. Jessica nailed the interview and sounded incredible during her performance; everything was going great. That is, until Rosie came over to talk to Jess following the song… when we learned her mic wasn’t on.

Rosie, welcome to The View. Jessica… welcome to hell.

Magnum Condoms Come In Lohandy for Lindsay


magnumhotpocket.JPGDumpster divers rejoiced when one sneaky dirt-encrusted scoundrel came to the surface with Lindsay Lohan‘s supermarket receipt. The surprises: Lindsay enjoys her Nyquil by the tumbler-full. We’re sure that’s because the girl is struck down with 14 colds a day, and that it has nothing to do with Nyquil’s horse tranquilizer-like side-effects. Lohan, always the classy broad, also likes to kick back with a personal portioned bottle of white zinfandel, while “cleaning her carpet” with “Daisy Fresh”, which sounds like straight up douche. Then again, Lindsay is a girl of the peoples. And how better to prove it than with a delectable 2 course meal of Doritos and Mac & Cheese. And Hot Pockets become surprisingly useful for those nights when Lindsay’s “not in the mood.” Feyonce-Knowles Harry Morton can snap on a magnum and plow his way into its unkosher goodness. We are just thankful that no one is blogging about our supermarket receipts, which prove that 4,800 tampons, a box of prune juice, and a single bullet for our evening round of Russian Roulette do not a lady make.

The Pouty Princess: A Photo Essay of Rejection & Loss


After last week’s VMAs, Team Firecrotch joined Pee Diddy to hit Manhattan’s circuit of starf*cking orgies after-parties. However, this terrible trio’s champagne-fueled fun came to an abrubt halt outside of Lohan-HQ Bungalow 8, when the New York Fuzz explained that the party was already too full and even Ridiculous Royalty such as themselves would not be granted entrance (a fate usually suffered only by the likes of Tara Reid). Here’s a series of captioned photographs illustrating this tragedy.


The Terrible Trio arrives at the mob scene outside of Bungalow 8 – Paris ready to party and say “hot” a lot, Brandon Davis ready to tell us more about Lindsay Lohan’s red pubic hair, and Diddy ready to film himself doing some weird sh*t later to be posted on YouTube.

Read more…

ICYMI: Steve Irwin… A Touching Tribute


Now that Steve Irwin is off wrestling that big crocodile in the sky, it’s time to pay tribute to the man who brightened up our days and brought excitement into our lives. And what better way to remember the man who called himself “The Crocodile Hunter” than with a video montage… from when he was spoofed on South Park.

(For a genuine YouTube tribute scored to Green Day’s “Time Of Your Life”, click here.)

First Suri Cruise Photos Sound Totes Shiloh-y


The first reports of the highly-buzzed Vanity Fair/Suri Cruise photoshoot are out… and, well, hopefully the baby really is an alien, as the photos sound fairly bland. One shows Suri nestled against Tom Cruise‘s neck, in an angle we only hope screams “Suri-Goiter”. Another shows Tom and “wife” Katie Holmes laying in bed with lil’ Sur. (It should also be noted that recent photos of Katie prove the girl is way past the verge of a nervous breakdown.) You know, now that we think about it, these photos sound veeeery similar to those of another highly anticipated baby. Yes, veeeery similar…


Kate Moss Snorts Speaks, Acts


moss.JPGModel/ Babyshambles fan/ Just-Say-Yes-To-Drugs Spokesmodel Kate Moss is following in the footsteps of Christie Brinkley and Cindy Crawford by launching an acting career. However, while Christie and Cindy started out on the big screen, Kate decided to make her debut in a Mike Figgs short on the internet titled Dreams of Miss X. Check it out– while not nearly as funny as Vacation, it’s definitely more watchable than Fair Game.

According to The Sun, this creepy black & white short is the first of four Miss X movies. In the third, set to premiere in January, Kate will strip nude. So for the six of you who have never googled “Kate Moss + naked”, congratulations! You now have something to look forward to in ’07.

Watch the video here.

While You Were Barbecuing Alone in the Rain…



  • This weekend, talk show host Ellen Degeneres was injured in a minor car collision on Sunset Boulevard, a crash involving no less than three Porsche’s: two literal Porsche’s, and girlfriend Portia De Rossi. TMZ has obtained some post-crash footage, and while not ground-breaking, it will make you borderline stalkery-uncomfortable, which we know you love. So enjoy!
  • Blind Item Clue: What is… Courtney Love… with a pipe… trying to get Frances Bean… into Harvard Westlake. (Last item)
  • Apparently Lindsay Lohan‘s boyfy Harry Morton also thinks the starlet’s mythical breasts can also tune in to the latest sports scores. They’re not made of magic, Har!
  • Hugh Jackman‘s upcoming movie The Fountain was met with a round of boos at the Venice Film Festival. Jackman should just stick with what he does best: really handsome yet overzealously effeminate hip-thrusting.
  • Finally, this weekend saw the final court performance by tennis legend Andre Agassi, who rounded out his glorious career with a spot-on Roberto Benigni impersonation, telling the thousands of U.S. Open spectators that he “wanted to make love inside of them.”