These old commercials feature what must have been the most unfortunately named product of the 1980′s. Before you get offended, be advised that these are REAL commercials, not just a tasteless joke. (Thanks to Lindsay for the tip!)
The founder of Dominos Pizza has embarked on a multi-million dollar mission to build Ave Marie– a Catholics-Only town in Florida. Jesus and The Noid are said to be excited to finally have the opportunity to work with one another.
The town will adhere to strict Catholic principles: The pharmacies won’ t be allowed to sell condoms or birth control pills, the cable system won’t carry any X-Rated television channels, and nobody will be able to get any Pizza Hut pizzas delivered to their home. Because like it says in The Book of Revelations: Jesus hates Cheesy Bites.
The man with the plan, Tom Monaghan, says, "I think it’s God’s plan to do this." It’s hard to argue with him. God also came up with the whole "30 minutes or less, or your money back" plan, and we all know how well that worked out. So give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
If you want to learn more, click here. Or if you REALLY want to learn more, just enroll in Ave Marie University. Be careful though… with all that pizza floating around I hear it’s a bitch trying to keep off that Freshman 15.
- Good news for Reese Witherspoon who scored $29 million for her next film. Better news for husband Ryan Phillipe who wants to borrow 50 bucks for the night.
- Keira Knightly compares the Oscars to a dog show, especially now that ‘bitch’ is welcome.
- Brad and Angelina request that in lieu of presents for their wedding, you donate silver Tiffany’s items… to them.
- Elijah Wood and Sean Astin have lots of beads at Mardi Gras. It’s one place Sean’s tata’s come in handy.
- Flava of Love’s catfight is getting lots of attention. Flava Flav–not as much.
- Vince Vaughn to star in Santa Claus movie…and begin his descent into Tim Allen’s career.
- Lindsay Lohan’s got a bloody nose. Probably just a cold.
Dear Citizens of the Internet,
Over the course of the past few weeks, in the wake of the buzz surrounding the film Brokeback Mountain, there have been a flood of parody trailers featuring male characters from other recognizable films, cut together with the music and tone of Brokeback’s official trailer, thereby implying a previously non-existant homosexual relationship. They’re hilarious, no matter how many times I see them. In fact, you can find no less than TWENTY-THREE individual parodies at this site, all of which are ostensibly the same amazing joke, over and over again.
I come to you today with but a humble request: make more of these parody trailers, please! Every time I hear those classic guitar notes, I am overcome with a feeling of warmth and comfort, for I know that I am about to be treated to two minutes of sheer hilarity. The guys from Rush Hour, as gays? You bet! Matt and Ben from Good Will Hunting, but in a love story? Yes, please!
In order to help you out, here are some of my ideas for Brokeback Mountain Parody Trailers I would like to see:
Since it’s Oscar week, I thought you might like to learn a few things about the nominees for each category that they might not be so proud of. Today the category is Best Supporting Actor:
- First movie role was with Charlie Sheen in a movie that wasn’t released.
- Tried out for the Cincinnati Reds, but didn’t make it.
- Went to Northern Kentucky University, but didn’t graduate.
- Turned down the role of Richard in The Blue Lagoon.
- Failed to catch or even see a tarpon when he went tarpon fishing in Costa Rica.
- Patrick Swayze was unimpressed with him while they filmed The Outsiders.
Antonio Banderas has a new move coming out called Take the Lead. Based on the trailer, Banderas takes a challenging job as a dance teacher at a tough ‘urban’ school. While Banderas tries to keep the kids off the street with ballroom dancing lessons, it just doesn’t fly for these hiphop-loving kids. But I have a hunch he’ll get through to them, and he may even learn a thing or two about hip hop in the process. But that description barely scrapes the surface of this movie. So we had out statisticians breakdown of the elements in the trailer, to provide us with a better sense of what it’s really about. (watch trailer here)
Statistics on the Trailer for Take The Lead:
- Teens holding basketballs/footballs: 2
- Students referring to Banderas as Mr. (first initial): 1
- Teens using colloquial language that real kids don’t use (ex: "getting your flirt on"): 3
Gorilla vs. Bear seems to be as smitten with Princess Superstar as I am.
- American Drunkard has a really nice group of live Josh Rouse tracks – be sure to grab "Feeling No Pain" and "Dressed Up Like Nebraska".
- You Ain’t No Picasso gives us his Nonsense Syllable Mix with all the la la’s, woo hoo’s and ooh ooh ooh’s you can handle.
- Download an entire album from Memphis’ best kept secret – enigmatic singer/songwriter Harlan T. Bobo (then make sure to buy it when you realize how great it is).
- MOKB makes a nice find with a few tracks from interesting newcomers Hot Chip. Sounds sort of like a funkier, less techno version of The Postal Service.
- Fluxblog has a track that proves it’s possible to remix Radiohead without the result of sounding retarded.
The website for Dave Chappelle’s Block Party has lots of good stuff: clips, trailers, photos, downloads (including IM buddy icons, music, wallpaper), and a poster contest. But a lot of them say "Coming Soon" when you scroll over them. How can we be sure he won’t bounce before he updates the website?
Don’t break my heart again, Dave.
This morning on The Howard Stern Show, Joan Rivers announced that when she looks at her crotch she sees Willie Nelson. I’ll give you a second to digest that (not literally.)
Cityrag provides us with a disturbing image of what that might be like for Joan.
Of course, Joan’s statement got me thinking… if Joan’s crotch looks like Willie Nelson, does WIlie Nelson’s crotch look like Joan Rivers? And if so, do other celebrities have a similar problem? Like, for example, does Star Jones’ look like… say… Don King? Or does Nicole Kidman’s look like Tom Cruise? Or does Madonna’s look like Don Knotts? (too soon?)
I’m putting way too much thought into this. I need to stop. Now it’s your turn: what do you think of this possible phenomenon?
Celebrities are just like us. Especially the ones arrested for arson, adultery and indecent exposure. Match your favorite stars with the crimes they committed with the Celebrity Mug Shot Match Game. You’ll be surprised at how much you have in common. We sure were.