Snakes: They’re Still On A Plane

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For a minute there I was beginning to think that people had already forgotten about the upcoming Greatest Movie Ever Made- Snakes On A Plane. Well, I was wrong. Thank God I was wrong.

Check out McSweeney’s Possible "Surprise" Endings To The New Samuel L. Jackson Film Snakes On A Plane.

I think they pretty much nailed them all. I kind of hope that their Third Scenario proves to be true. Nothing in the world would make me happier… Well, except for the promise of Snakes On A Plane 2: More Snakes On A Plane. We can only hope.

While You Were Pretending To Be Jewish To Get Off For Passover

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  • Mike_tyson
    Muhammed Ali
    has sold the rights to his name and likeness for $50 million. The new owners are already excited about slapping it on a portable grilling machine and calling it a day.
  • Speaking of former heavyweights, Mike Tyson stormed out of rehab just days after starting therapy for cocaine addiction. What? Would you stop him?
  • Guy Richie is planning a "men only" vacation, further fueling suspician that his marriage to Madonna is on the rocks. And further fueling suspician that the trip is going to include some Lock-ing, Stock-ing, and Smoking Barrels, too.
  • MySpace has begun posting public service ads that warn kids about online predators. Like Tom.
  • A talk show host was fired after offering a listener money to kill comedian Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller.) He wasn’t fired because he endorsed murder, he was fired because killing Penn Jillette should be something that somebody would want to do for free.
  • Now that Katie’s gone, Matt Lauer has signed a $13 million a year contract that keeps him on the Today show ’till 2011. Or till Katie comes crawling back.
  • Paula Abdul is developing a line of jewelry for QVC. (here comes the worst joke you’re ever going to read– you’ve been warned) You can either have the jewelry shipped by mail, or you can get it Rush, Rush-ed. (Told you so.)

Happy Anniversary TomKat!

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In honor of Tom and Katie’s one year anniversary, I’ve decided to play along with their bizarre ruse for just one post. TomKat, Enjoy:

Wow this has been one wild ride, but you know, that’s just love. It all started with one girl’s childhood crush and an audition for Mission Impossible that turned into the longest most romantic date ever (think sushi on a private jet and scuba diving!) It was every girl’s dream. But it had to have been that 10 day cruise on the Caribbean when they virtually dropped off the face of the earth that changed everything. I mean Katie was a different person after that. After that cruise, Tom was tired of hiding their love, he just wanted to shout it to the world! We all know how that feels; in fact it reminded the rest of us of our very first love. Especially because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and honestly, it was sexy. And then (sigh), the most romantic proposal ever on the top of the Eiffel Tower. From Gondolas to Big Ben the couple fell in love in Europe, and the world fell in love with them.

So she got pregnant before they were married, no one said they were conventional! When you have that much raw chemistry, these things happen. And like any happy accident, their love is strong enough to make it work.  Even if it means Katie can’t work or talk for while. What they need now is to connect with their local church and delve into the strong bonds of their religious community. 

This pregnancy has been hard but Tom’s been there for Katie all the way, keeping her occupied with high school basketball games and Australian funerals. Thank god for those little distractions! And now, after a whirlwind affair with Mr. Tom Cruise, (every girl’s fantasy) it’s finally time to bare the fruit of their labor. A beautiful baby, a perfect family, maybe even a white picket fence with razor spikes dipped in poison to keep the aliens out. (sorry, couldn’t help myself)

Best Night Ever 4/11/06

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Jeremy Hsu had the Best Night Ever! Last night he positioned himself in front of the television to watch some American Idol, House, Championship Duck Calling with Fred Willard, and The Ten Commandments. Watch it now!

…Of The Day

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THE NEW NATIONAL PASTTIME: Getting the gang together and playing a pick up game of "Juiced? Or Not? (Juiced? Or Not?)

NEWS THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SKIP THE NEXT BATMAN MOVIE: The Joker, played by Robin Williams. (Moviehole)

PICTURE THAT MAKES ME MISS THE OLD BATMAN: Michael Keaton throwing out the first pitch at a Pittsburgh Pirates game. (Deadspin)

HAPPY ENDING: Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn– together, just the way you told the studio you wanted them to be. (Page 6)

FUNNY BUT WRONG FAKE HEADLINE: Immigration Rally Brings Food Delivery To A Standstill (Blog NYC)

SIZZLER: Miller Tipsy at Fanity Vair Party

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There’s been a lot of talk about Sienna Miller acting inappropriately at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, the exclusive gala event after the Academy Awards. So what exactly was she doing? We scored the candid pictures published in Vanity Fair’s upcoming issue: looks like we’ve got bare feet, foot eating, foot smelling and sloppy girl-on-girl make-out sessions with friend Tara Summers. While guests were miffed by her trashy antics, they were outraged she didn’t share whatever it was she was on.

(Go here for more Vanity Fair pics of Vanity Fair’s vanity party)

While You Were Pouring One Out For Proof

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  • ProofProof, member of the D12 posse and best friend of Eminem died tryin’ last night, gaining a little more "street cred" than he probably wanted.
  • The Real World is bringing the 18th installment of it’s show-that-won’t-die to Denver, finally giving the rest of America a glimpse of life in the glitzy, fast-paced Mile High Metropolis.
  • Are Madonna and Guy Richie having marital prob…oh, who gives a sh*t?
  • TMZ takes paparazzo-nutzo celeb stalking to the next level with their informative, hard-hitting reminder that stars also do things, "How Random Is That?"
  • Nick Lachey is still diddling the help – he might as well just become the Total Divorced Guy Cliche and get an earring and a sports car.
  • Check out comedian Aziz Ansari’s hilarious LA Times piece, "7 Ways to Use the Lessons of 24 at Work".