SIZZLER: Meredith Vieira Abused Before Ever Meeting Joy Behar

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Meredith Vieira
, veteran of The View and recently crowned co-host of Today, is the latest in a string of celebs who have bravely come forward and admitted to being abused in the past in exchange for press.  Following in the unnecessarily forthcoming, positive publicity-hungry footsteps of Teri Hatcher and Tom Cruise, Vieira claims that one of her ex-boyfriends was in the all-too-common habit of slapping her around then pleading that "he’s sorry and really loves her", once even throwing the future TV star out of their apartment completely naked. 

The silver lining is that these experiences have only made her stronger, as she’s now better prepared to handle all the verbal, physical and psychological abuse glib co-host Matt Lauer is preparing to hurl upon her.

Singing Like A Soprano– A Flashback

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Getting caught at a gay club during last night’s episode of The Sopranos is going to be the least of Vito’s worries once this video gets out. Check out this piece from the Best Week Ever archives– we’re going way back to 2004, when Vito Spatafore was caught giving another guy… um, how can I put this gently?… in the words of Paul F. Tompkins, a "Mouth Hug." Enjoy this blast from the past (no pun intended).

While You Weren’t Cheating On Your Taxes, But Just Flirting A Little

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  • MonsterGLAAD is honoring Charlize Theron for her efforts in improving the image of the gay community by playing a terrifying lesbian serial-killer in Monster.
  • Are Jude Law and Sienna Miller getting back together?  Doesn’t matter – just use this as an opportunity to visualize the kind of make-up sex they would have.
  • Melanie Griffith is being sued for not revealing the name of the fashion designer responsible for how she looked at a recent red carpet appearance.  Following suit, the drug company that makes Xanax is planning a massive lawsuit against all of Hollywood. 
  • Rapper Nelly wants to do more acting, but isn’t ready to cry on cue yet.  Not to worry, though – once he’s blown through what’s left of his "hasn’t been hot in herrre in awhile" fortune on gold teeth and diamond-plated bathroom floors, he’ll be sobbing like Sally Field on Oscar night.
  • A prison guard was recently disclipined after screening Brokeback Mountain for the inmates.  He defended himself by insisting that it was "a real crowd-pleaser".
  • Is Jamie-Lynn Spears finally ready to follow in her big sister’s footsteps and become a smoking hot sex symbol before spiraling deeper and deeper into a confusing of  unattractiveness and self-destruction?

TIVO ALERT: Christian Finnegan On The Late Late Show

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What do Chi McBride, Bebe Neuwirth, and Christian Finnegan have in common? Well, Chi starred in Boston Public, Bebe played Lillith on Cheers (which took place at a bar in Boston), and Christian used to get beaten up by kids in school who wore Boston Red Sox hats. So there’s that.

Oh, and there’s one more thing: They’re all going to be on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson tonight. So make sure you TIVO that mofo. It should be wicked fun.

Check out some more Christian Finnegan media here.

SIZZLER: Paris Gets into Politics’ Pants?

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Gavin Newsom, the handsome mayor of San Francisco has it all: good looks, a rising political career and stunning actress, Sophia Milos, as a girlfriend. But now he may have something else…

According to Scene in the Tropics, Paris Hilton had an affair with the handsome Mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom.  In fact Newsom’s name appeared in Paris’ hacked sidekick while he was still married . While he’s since divorced his wife, and cut off his relationship with the heiress (who’s rumored to have an itchy VD) we’re sure Paris has left her mark on politics. And unfortunately, it’ll never go away.

Is Moses Having the Best Week Ever?

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Even though he’s been dead for thousands of years, History’s Original Delivery Guy, Moses himself, seems like he just might be having the Best Week Ever! 

First of all, this week marks the beginning of Passover, in which the jews honor Moses for helping free them from Egyptian slavery by having a long, confusing meal.  And this weekend Christians are celebrating Easter, which doesn’t really have anything to do with Moses, but he’s in the Bible too, so that has to count for something. 

Next, ABC is airing a very special, very unnecessary re-make of the classic film The Ten Commandments, which is all about my man Moses receiving the holy law from God, forever rendering American Idol as sinful as it is addictive (rule #1, yo). 

And perhaps most importantly, the lead singer of Coldplay and his movie star wife named their newborn son "Moses", maybe after the song from his band’s live album, but probably after the Old Testament figure in question.  Either way, dude’s having a pretty good week – way to go, Moses!

And the Oscar For Best Actress In An Exploitative Role Goes To…

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Oscar loves nothing more than movie stars flexing their thespian muscles in roles in which they must transform their beautiful selves into human trainwrecks, painstakingly mimicking the speech and behavioral patterns of the disabled, drug-addled, homosexual, mentally ill, plain ugly, etc.  This year some lucky actress gets to add "non-responsive vegetative person who can’t speak or move" to this hallowed list of Oscar bait as Hollywood has decided the time is finally right for the Obligatory Terri Schiavo Movie.  You can bet every agent in Tinseltown is on the horn right now, desperately trying to convince the studios that their starlet is the perfect candidate for the role of America’s most famous unconscious person.  Here are my picks for the best casting choices:
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Sharon Stone

Why Her?  Knowing how Hollywood likes to "sex things up" a bit, what better way to do so than the aging warhorse that is Sharon Stone’s genitals?  Just think about all the possibilities for the soon-to-be-infamous "changing the bed pan/legs crossing" scene.

Read more…

It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

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PumpkinEverybody’s favorite saliva-spittin’, Flavor Flav lovin’, possible– scratch that– probable lesbian from Flavor Of Love, Pumpkin, is back.

The actress musician artist celebrity human being gave an exclusive interview to Media Take Out and "answers the questions that you’ve been dying to ask." Yes!

Is she a lesbian? Is she sorry about spitting on New York? Did she have sex with Flavor Flav? Where can I get a clock like that and when will she go away already? Okay, maybe not the last two… but she’s all over the other ones. Listen to it here.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: RBI Baseball, 1986

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Okay, I had to post a link to this video because it contains two of my favorite things in the world.

1. The Red Sox losing miserably
2. Nintendo’s RBI Baseball

This guy spent lord-knows how many hours mashing up the classic 8-Bit Nintendo video game with the famous game-ending sequence from Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. You remember that, Red Sox fans, right? The one where Mookie Wilson hit a slow ground ball through the legs of first baseman Bill Buckner? Ring a bell? Well, if you’re a baseball fan, an RBI Baseball fan, or if you just like watching stuff on the internet to avoid doing work, click here now. Oh, and be sure to forward it to your friends in Boston. Link thanks to Deadspin.