Summer Blockbuster season has begun, during which time Hollywood rolls out the biggest and best goods they’ve got. Here’s what they came up with:
1. Ethan Hunt is desperately clinging to the cliff of success, suspended above the chasm of inevitable irrelevancy by his straining fingertips and sheer determination to brainwash the world – $24.5 million
2. Near…far…whereeeeeeeever you are…you probably didn’t go see this. Oh well, at least Celine Dion didn’t write any more f*cking songs – $20.3 million
3. Remember when Robin Williams was even remotely funny or entertaining? Me either – $9.5 million
4. People are always asking, “Why is Lindsay Lohan so famous? Like, what has she done to deserve the attention regularly showered upon her?” Well, smartypants, have YOU ever opened a poorly-reviewed movie in 4th place that grossed less than what you were paid to “star” in it? Wink wink – $5.5 million
5. Will there EVER be a week without at least one generic “horror” movie in the top 5? Who goes to these, and what could they possibly find scarier than the ridiculous plotting and hacky over-wrought dialogue? – $3.7 million
After failing to break the world record for holding his breath, David Blaine has devised a stunt more challenging, more death-defying and more unbelievable than anything he’s ever tried (and failed) before. He plans to live among wild beasts! Blaine told the New York Post, “I’m planning to live harmoniously among wild beasts,” he told The Post. “And I’d like to do it alone in the jungle.” Nobody ever has attempted something so dangerous, except several Las Vegas magicians.
We thought after his last two car-slumping incidents he was going to get treatment.
But once again, George Michael was photographed snoozing at traffic lights. According to a fellow motorist: “He was sweating heavily and had his iPod on. That’s probably why he didn’t hear all the angry tooting behind him. ” Let’s stop beating around the bush and come clean. We know car-slumping is covering up for George’s real addiction, mp3′s.
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, May 14th! Robin Hopkins is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including The Sopranos, Desperate Housewives, Malcom in the Middle, and Law & Order: Criminal Intent!
We’d like to submit Meredith Vieira’s shocking expose of 20/20 reporter John Stossel’s secret life, for your review.
The once was a man named Tony
He made us all laugh in his own way
but when he went on his show
he just didn’t know
what it was we all thought was so funny.
This week, the Film Fest features shorts by A Week of Kindness, Silly Spider Monkey Fiasco, and The Post Show!
Want to sumbit something for the Film Fest? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
You thought you had put it all behind you: the pregnant teens, Rev. Camden’s tenderly Christian sermons, the rigid line delivery, Happy as Happy, the twins. But you thought wrong.
The series finale of 7th Heaven was apparently such a success, they’re bringing back the show for another season. According to Mediaweek a deal has been reached to bring the show back for at least 13 episodes on the new UPN-WB merger channel CW.
Just to keep you updated, the series ended with three of the main characters pregnant with twins. Which means the already large cast, will triple in size and consist mostly of screaming, devoutly Christian babies. Now that’s TV, folks.
Okay, so we know that title of K-Fed’s “phat” rap album is Playing with Fire. But what we don’t know is what it’s going to look like. That’s where you come in. Do what Tom I. did and create your own Playing With Fire album cover and email it to email@example.com. Anything goes, and our favorites will get a prize! So what are you waiting for? PapaZao!