Meredith Viera v. Ike Turner: Let the Hazing Begin


So, as the universe is aware, this morning was Meredith Viera‘s first day at NBC’s Today Show. And they certainly wasted no time submerging Viera in Today’s time-honored tradition of pitting greedy couples against one another to win a free wedding. But leave it to Matt Lauer, hot, sexy, buff man of men Matt Lauer, to let the ritual Today Show hazing kick in and turn all Ike Turner on Viera’s ass. Katie Couric would nevah — NEVAH! — stand for that kinda crap. Nam myoho renge kyo, ya’ll. Nam myoho renge kyo.

SIZZLER: Moby Finds New Cause To Whine About


Moby-pissed.jpegSure, we all got pretty swept up in last week’s “Suri on the Cover of Vanity Fair” frenzy, but there was one bald vegan ambient music-maker who was not impressed by the very public debut of the cute little Cruisebot. Moby had this to say on his blog:

are you kidding me?
putting your f*cking CHILD on the cover of vanity fair?
are they out of their minds?
using children as p.r props does disgust me, i have to admit.
in the grand scheme of things fame pales in comparison to family and child-rearing.
i don’t know tom cruise and katie holmes, but i really cannot for a second fathom
the mindset of parents who would sell pictures of their children and use their
children to get better press coverage.
i’m sorry, i try not to be too judgemental, but it’s gross.

Hear that Crazy McSpacecase? Moby’s got your number and you DO NOT want to see what happens when the proprietor of TeaNY gets pissed off enough stop telling us President Bush is an idiot long enough to pontificate the hopless vapidity of our celebrity-obsessed culture. You’re in big pacifist trouble, Mr. Cruise!

Ashlee Simpson Will Likely Neither “Razzle” Nor “Dazzle”


SimpsonChicago.JPGAshlee Simpson is apparently not done with her full body/slash/image makeover. The young Simpson will join the cast of London’s Chicago as the unflappable Roxie Hart on September 25. And if this accompanying suburban-mall Glamour Shots is any indication, she’s born for the part! Simpson’s casting in the 1920’s era musical follows some other celebrity footsteps: Usher is currently starring in the musical on Broadway until October 1.

Will the “size 0” starlet be able to pull off the role? Our gut instinct says “No”, judging by her other live performances which have nearly always gone horribly wrong. Then again, judging by all of the recent plastic surgery she’s had, who’s to say doctors haven’t replaced her vocal chords with the voicebox used by Conky 2000 on Pee Wee’s Playhouse. Only 12 more days til’ the British tabloids rip her apart…

ICYMI: Tyra Banks and Nicole Richie At The $1 Store


If the title sounds too good to be true, it isn’t. During yesterday’s mind-blowingly numbing episode of The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra shows Nicole Richie how non-biracial people roll: At the 99 Cent Store. It’s Nicole Richie’s Room 101 (as evidenced by her horrified expression), and makes for cringeworthy viewing. From Tyra pretending to use .99 moisturizer (uch, she reeks of Creme de la Mer, puh-lease), to the elderly racist white woman, to the “Humane Society” expression on the poor cashier’s face, it’s like Upton Sinclair‘s The Jungle meets Phat Girlz. i.e. Enjoy.

Not All Kazakh Men Are Like Borat, Just The Funny Ones


SachaBaronCohenPA_228x395.jpgWith Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan on its way, Sacha Baron Cohen has once again upset the glorious nation of Kazakhstan. So much so, in fact, that the President of Kazakhstan will fly to the US to talk to President Bush about how Borat makes his country look stupid. Flying across the world to talk about a fictional movie character, however, doesn’t make them look stupid at all. Not at all.

The White House visit may be justified, though. According to a Central Asian Affairs Fellow, Borat is the biggest thing to come out of Kazakhstan since… ever.

“I have found that more Americans are aware of Kazakhstan than four years ago when I last lived in the United States. The increased knowledge of Kazakhstan, however, is not due to the country’s economic successes or its role as a U.S. ally in the war on terror. Instead, most Americans who have heard of Kazakhstan have heard of it through a satire of a Kazakh journalist named Borat.”

Congratulations Borat. We ignorant Americans can’t wait to learn more about your glorious nation come November.

The Office Meets Your Phone: Listen to Dwight’s Voicemail!


Dwight.JPGYesterday, the marketing geniuses at NBC released two separate DVD packages of The Office: Season 2 (worth every cent), and a special edition The Office: Severance Package, which includes both Seasons 1 and 2, as well as some Dunder Mifflin promotional desk items (like… post-it notes). It always bothers us when media congloms try to milk the American public out of all their money with these “special edition” packages, like re-releasing movies with “extra” bonus footage. We already owned Season 1 — and while we would love to sign away our souls with a shiny new Dunder Mifflin pen, we couldn’t bring ourselves to purchase it.

Especially when the best part of the “Severance Package” set is something that can be shared with people for free! When your boss isn’t looking, pick-up your phone and call Dwight Schrute at 1-(800)-984-DMPC (or 3672 for the tarded). We promise: It’s worth it.

And if you don’t plan on shelling out the cash for any of the DVD’s? (Big mistake)? You can catch the blooper reel online – Part I and Part II. Still want more?! Dwight’s blog here. 8 more days til season 3!

CAPTION THIS: 700 Club to Mars


Fashion Week pairs up a lot of random celebs, but this shot of Jesus Freak Baldwin and Sad Little Leto is particularly baffling. Leave your thoughts and captions in the comments.


ICYMI: LonelyGirl Knew About 9/11


Last week, YouTube users learned that their beloved LonelyGirl15 was actually an actress from New Zealand (and if you have no clue what I’m talking about, read about it here.) Fans who thought they really “knew” LonelyGirl were shocked that they could be deceived by such an innocent, trusting woman. Well, as it turns out LonelyGirl was more than just part of a “new art form”… much, much more.

Wow. I just didn’t see this one coming, did you?