While You Were Getting JUICED

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  • O.J. Simpson is releasing a DVD of hidden-camera prank scenarios called Juiced. It’s sort of like Punk’D, except at the end of the prank, instead of Ashton Kutcher showing up and laughing, O.J. cuts off your head while maniacally screaming, “You got JUICED, b*tch!”
  • Is American Idol’s Katherine McPhee a scientologist? And more importantly, is her Thetan count high enough to win?
  • Paris Hilton can’t remember the name of her own video game. What’s so hard to remember about The World of Whorecraft?
  • Brooke Shields claims to feel no post-partum depression following the birth of her latest child. She does, however, feel kind of sorry for Tom Cruise.
  • Oprah Winfrey is seen by many as a spiritual leader. Personally, I don’t subscribe to these flash-in-the pan religious types, as I have been and always will be a devout follower of His Holiness the Donahue Lama.

Best Night Ever: Thursday, May 11th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, May 11th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Thursday night tv, including Survivor, Will and Grace, My Name Is Earl, The Office, and a special X-Men 3 preview!

…OF THE DAY

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mattleavingparisBEST THING THAT WASN’T SAID: Hollywood big-wigs defend Tom Cruise by calling him “consistant,” “warm-hearted,” and a “wonderful actor.” But not one person says he isn’t ape-sh*t. (Socialite Life)
WALK OF SHAME: Matt Leinert sneaking out of Paris Hilton’s house after what looks like a rough night. Caught ya! (TMZ)
CELEBRITY: Mike Myers. When he stopped to chat on the street with blogger fan cityrag and even posed for a picture, he landed in the good graces of bloggers across blogerica. (cityrag)
JILTED LEAD SINGER: Brett Scallions. The former lead singer of Fuel, who stepped down from his esteemed post in February, is probably not too jazzed about being replaced by an American Idol. (Wikipedia)

Are Saved By The Bell Fans Having The Best Week Ever?

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sbtb.jpgFirst things first. In the interest of full disclosure, I feel like I should tell you something– I’m the biggest Saved by the Bell fan ever. At least, I was. Back in the late 90′s, before it was cool to be nostalgic over Zack Morris and friends, I wrote an article for my high school newspaper proclaiming that we were “the Saved by the Bell generation.” I was mocked. In college I would receive phone calls at 2 o’clock in the morning from people who needed help with SBTB trivia. I never let them down. And speaking of college, do you know why I chose to attend the college that I did? Because I found the Saved by the Bell soundtrack on sale in their student union and I took it as a sign. I wish I was kidding.

But that was then. A couple of years ago I decided to put SBTB behind me and move on. I figured the nostalgia kick was on its way out, and SBTB would fade away completely. I was dead wrong. Have you been on-line this week? SBTB is EVERYWHERE! Read more…

Mullets Are Back and Bigger Than Ever!

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It’s hard to believe that it’s already been six years since Mullets Galore first reminded us to recognize the beauty of the Mullet. The classic hairstyle has been through a lot since then, from being ridiculed as a symbol of white trashiness to being ironically embraced by hipsters who think looking like an idiot is funny. But this year, thanks to a couple high-profile summer blockbusters, the Mullet is back with a vengance we haven’t seen since Billy Ray Cyrus. First of all, Tom Hanks is getting back to his “business up front, party in the back” style from the 80′s by choosing to sport a raging mullet in The Da Vinci Code, despite the fact that the line “Robert Langdon has a big beautiful mullet” never appeared in the original novel. Also, browsing through these preview pictures of the big-screen re-make of Miami Vice, one immediately notices that Colin “Crockett” Farrell has cultivated a mullet plumage that makes Don Johnson look like Moby.

We’re basically one Leathal Weapon sequel short of a full-on epidemic.

PROPPED: K-Fed, The Witchdoctor

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We know, we know, parodies of K-Fed’s Popozao debut on MTV is so 4 months ago. But thanks (and props) to cdotchen who dropped this off, and the geniuses behind this musical mash-up, the MTV Raw footage of K-Fed is now a timeless classic. Check out how the techno-chipmunk song The Witchdoctor gets K-fed flowin’.

Got something to share with us? Drop it here! Or prop up some one else’s story here!

CELEBRITY TRANSLATOR: Prison B*tch

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Michelle-Rodriguez-Mug-Shot.jpgNow that she’s finished serving the 65 hour jail sentence she chose over charity work after getting caught drunkenly endangering the lives of motorists, LOST star Michelle Rodriguez sits down with the press to refelect on her time in the pokey, and just how awesome it was. As she inexplicably describes prison as “so cool”, we’re going to have to once again employ our patented Celebrity Translator Technology to figure out just what the hell she’s talking about:

MICHELLE, regarding her fellow inmates: “It was a primal crew. The only thing that keeps them going is fighting for salt and making dice out of soap.”

TRANSLATION: Minimum-security jailtime with a bunch of white collar types serving two-day misdemeanor sentences is pretty boring, so we mostly just ate a lot and played Yahtzee.
Read more…

While You Were Getting Fuel-ed up for Extra

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  • Britney Spears would get naked for any film starring George Clooney . Unfortunately, he doesn’t have to make movies like that anymore.
  • Michelle Rodriguez had a good time in jail. In fact, she may go back again.
  • Lindsay Lohan beefs up her skinny arms with push-ups. You’re telling me no one’s introduced the girl to steroids yet?
  • Kristin Cavallari hasn’t moved on from ex Brody Jenner, according to this paparazzi footage. But more importantly, Jenner hasn’t moved on from the I’m Rick James, Bitch joke.
  • Tom Cruise will show pictures of baby Suri on Ellen tomorrow. Which means that the baby auditions are officially over.

ICYMI: Daughtry Fueling Up To Play Frat Parties?

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daughtry.jpgNow that you’ve grown tired of masochistically watching American Idol hopeful Chris Daughtry’s dreams being shattered before him, you might be left wondering “now what?” Well, if a certain annoying band you forgot about six years ago has anything to say about it, the would-be Idol’s rock-star’in days might only be beginning. 90′s pop-metal band Fuel is planning to reach out to Mr. Daughtry on Extra tonight, publicly inviting him to join them on their journey through college, corporate and casino gigs throughout small-town America. Sure, it’s not quite widespread fame, but the drunk sorority groupies ain’t bad and the booze is usually free.

Now if that’s not a “Shimmering” silver lining to his dark cloud of despair, I don’t really know what is.