LISTEN UP: What Would Sufjan Do (For $5,000)?



  • Would a crowd of NYC hipsters shell out an extra 5 grand, on top of what they paid to get into a pricey charity show, to see Sufjan Stevens play a song with David Byrne? You bet your sweet ass they would, and thanks to Stereogum, we can grab a recording of the same performance for the low low price of free ninety-nine. Thanks, suckers!
  • After an indie rock orgasm like that, even this nice new track from The Thermals over at Muzzle of Bees seems kind of underwhelming.
  • MOKB has a new track from The Lemonheads, for all 13 people who still haven’t given up on Evan Dando. Aww, that was kinda mean. We love you, Evan, and more importantly – so does Sufjan.
  • Go to Aquarium Drunkard, then explain to me how a bunch of recordings of The Beach Boys diddling around during a 1967 rehearsal session can sound so much better than almost everything that comes out today? Suck it, Sufjan!
  • Culture Bully likes Annuals, but what you really need to ask yourself is – would Sufjan?

Kevin Federline Destined for Fields Medal


FederlineYearbook.JPGIt may come as no surprise that Kevin Federline‘s rap skills are above and beyond amazing, but who knew that Federline was also a cracking member of the intelligentsia? It’s true! The corn-rowed-crooner claims that he totally aced probably the most important test of his life. No… not Britney‘s “Conch Fritter Cook-Off”… his GED! K-Fed claims he aced his test with flying colors, and that even though the test isn’t that challenging he (QUOTE) “actually got amazing-ass test scores on it,” the highest in California. When you consider how many misunderstood prisoners take that test every year, it IS a pretty big deal. And it seems pretty obvious that only a genius could pen these lyrics “Kitty … little bitta t*tty … Wanna know where I go when I’m in your city…”

Check out this exclusive scan we got of K-Fed’s diploma:


Ad of the Day: Pre-CGI Hotness


Check out this 80′s ad for the Isuzu Gemini. We love it for a few reasons. 1. It’s mesmerizing; 2. It was made before CGI technology, meaning it’s possible someone lost their life during shooting; 3. The song reminds us of Dance Dance Revolution, our favorite video game; and 4. Dancing cars!!

SIZZLER: Former American Idol Constestant Held at Gunpoint


MIKALAH.JPGRobbers looking to make a quick buck in Las Vegas instead found themselves with a hyperventilating diva on their hands. It won’t be hard for fans of American Idol to remember Mikalah Gordon, the nasal 16-year-old who Simon Cowell desperately wanted to bang. Some hoodlums approached Gordon and a male friend in Las Vegas Tuesday night, ordering her to lie on her back, slamming her head into the ground, and groping the now 18-year-old singer. But Gordon’s instincts kicked in, and the girl started having a major panic attack — picture The Nanny climbing Mt. Everest — luckily scaring off her attackers.

But what concerns us most is this: They only got away with a cell phone and five bucks. FIVE DOLLARS. Is that how much money Mikalah carries around at 3:30 in the morning? Is the 19 Entertainment contract really that bad? Or was this some sort of Clueless-esque ruse to garner Gordon some extra time in the spotlight? (Las Vegas = Sun Valley; “male friend” = this dude.) While authorities are still on the lookout, we have four words for who is responsible: John Michael Karr, obvs.

Coldplay: Funny or Nooners?


We caught glimpse of the new Coldplay video for “The Hardest Part” today… and, well, we are at a loss for words. It’s kind of funny, but frankly, its nooniness so overwhelms that we really aren’t able to laugh. And if you don’t know what “noony” means, click here. Also… is that David Byrne in a thong? And… Linda Dano? Wait, why do we know that? Oh God, this is traumatizing.

While You Were Preparing Your Emmy Speech…



…Of The Day


  • JACK BAUER SIDE PROJECT: Only Bauer could star in a documentary with the awesome title I Trust You To Kill Me. Only. Bauer. (Cityrag)
  • JANET JACKSON SIDE PROJECT: If her new album bombs, at least Janet knows she could make a career as a pretty solid stripper. (IDLYITW)
  • THE NEXT MARISA TOMEI: I’m gonna say this now; the day Sienna Miller wins an Oscar is the day I take the time to learn who the f**k Sienna Miller is. (Egotastic)
  • COMPLETELY NECESSARY WEBSITE: It’s an entire site devoted to rainbows throwing up rainbows. About time. (RainbowPuke via Gorillamask)
  • DRUNKY SPICE: Posh got sloshed in London. She boozes, she dresses like a slut, she doesn’t read… damn that David Beckham is a lucky man.(Hollywood Rag)

Tipping the Celebrity Scales


CELEBSCALE1.JPGFinally, a junky piece of crap we actually want! The Angry Store, a peddler of all thing Urban-Outfitters-y, is selling a Celebrity Scale — which puts your weight in terms of other celebrities and not pounds. This is exactly the kind of thing every girl in America should keep on the bathroom floor — now you can gauge exactly how much cocaine it takes to go from Roseanne to the Karate Kid. (p.s. It’s five 8-balls daily.)

The problem here is accuracy… I find it veeeery hard to believe that Mary-Kate Olsen weighs more than Baby Jesus. Then again, I never would have believed that Hulk Hogan weighed somewhere in between Mr. Ed and King Kong, but then these pictures surfaced. So, you know, a girl could be wrong. (Link via Ad Freak)

EXCLUSIVE: Another Virgin Needs Help


Everybody’s talking about Jane magazine’s quest to get a 29-year-old virgin laid before her 30th birthday. Talk about great publicity, this story is everywhere! Now it looks like other headline-grabbing celebs are jumping on board to ride the V-wave, and to be honest, I’m pretty shocked about this new form of self-promotion.

Disturbing. Just disturbing.