Dennis Hastert (not to be confused with President David Palmer, Dennis Haysbert) proved yesterday that knowing the words to the Star-Spangled Banner is not one of the duties of the Speaker of the House. We hope you enjoy his 9/11 rendition of our national anthem… the Star-Spaniel Banner.
Lt. Frank Drebin, as always, was unavailable for comment.
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, September 11th! Lang is here to walk you through the best of Monday night, including Prison Break, Vanished, and Biker Build Off!
The season premiere of The Tyra Banks Show aired today, and naturally it was her “most explosive episode yet!” Tyra tackled the subject of racism, which as you could imagine, she is NOT a fan of. The best part of the entire episode (besides segregating the audience and besides the stereotypical observations on stereotypes) had to be the opening, though. To illustrate the point that race is still an issue in the US, Tyra uses b-roll footage of people racing. Like, in a race. Hmm. Interesting choice.
Maybe somebody should explain to Tyra that there are different types of races. Besides black, white, drag and foot, that is.
In honor of The Simpsons kicking off their 37th season last night (ballpark estimate), you should head on over to The Simpsonmaker to create your very own Simpsons character. For two reasons:2. Judging by the premiere, this could very well be the most entertaining thing about The Simpsons this year. Have fun.
1. You’ve always wondered what you’d look like if you lived in Springfield
We thought animals and weatherman couldn’t get anymore adorable than last week’s “roach on leg” fiasco… and we were wrong. Because today we became acquianted with Stormy the Weatherdog, an animal whose face just screams “good times.” Stormy is part of the CBS 19 Newsteam in East Texas — seriously, he’s in their banner and everything — and accompanies the Chief Meteorologist in all of his reports. If the weather outside is rainy, Stormy arrives on set with a tiny brelly. If it’s cold, he’s in a sweater. And when the sun is shining, Stormy dons a visor and mats his fur down with sunscreen and bronzer in an effort to teach children about melanoma safety. Which makes us wonder: What will happen if Texas sees their own deadly hurricane? Will Stormy understand the severity of the situation, or will he just keep licking his sack as per yoozh?
All jokes aside, Stormy seems like a fun addition to the newscast. But it would be nearly impossible for him to compete with our favorite canine weatherman, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
Fine, fine. Not the most sordid headline of all time. But for those of you wondering what the real fake-looking Ashlee Simpson is like, perhaps you’ll enjoy this peek into an evening with the young singer. Saturday evening, Ashlee and her mini-entourage stopped by Barney’s New York with only 20 minutes til closing, to peruse the merch and possibly purch. Our source, who was with Ashlee during her spree, describes the scene as such: Employees roped off four dressing rooms for Ashlee and her friends, which were stuffed to the gills with clothes — size ZERO, if you were wondering. She then somehow magically tried on everything in the four rooms in under 20 minutes, all the while “looking really beautiful”, with her bodyguard standing closeby. At the end of the fitting room frenzy, Ashlee ended up purchasing $11,000 worth of merchandise (again, while being in the store for under 30 minutes), including some items for her friends and her assistant.
And the mark of “Wow, maybe she’s not a d-bag”? Lil’ Simpson refused to have her clothes wrapped and folded, telling the salesman to just shove her new purchases in the shopping bag. Way to keep it real, Ash! Real wrinkled. Hey-OH!
Breaking Keisha Knight Pulliam development: Rudy does cocaine! After years and years of being out of the spotlight, Pulliam wisens up and realizes a serious drug habit is the only way people would care enough to post “saucy” pics of her in “sexy” monokinis/jeans (right). A college acquaintance of Pulliam’s claims she began a steady diet of cocaine and bitterness her freshman year, in an effort to shed some child star poundage. Now, years later, she’s a full-blown functioning coke head. How Rudy! Look, it’s no secret that eh-tons of celebs use the madgy-powdy to keep all the right bones stickin’ out. But Pullman hasn’t worked in years… Not since losing her innocent 5-year-old good looks anyway. And for us this is scarring — Rudy was our fave! What’s next? Has Bud taken to the needle? Is Cockroach giving h-jobs for K?
On second thought, good for Keisha. If only Raven Symone could take up the habit, maybe we could stand to love her again.
If you’ve been watching Project Runway this season, you are aware of who the editors have pegged as “the Villain”: Jeffrey Sebalia, he of the weak-chinned and windy neck tattoos. Throughout the season, people have compared Jeff to last year’s pseudo-villain Santino, who at least redeemed himself with a killer Tim Gunn impersonation. Both of them are misfits, and both prefer shredding a hem rather than stitching one. Which is why Santino’s following Myspace bulletin struck us as so funny. They’re friends!
So Bravo’s Project Runway 3 is having a Fan favorite contest…..
Winner get $10,000….
Vote for my friend Jeffrey Sebelia,
If you’ve been swayed by the editing of this complex man, DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!
Jeff’s the real deal and I’m in 100% support of him.
P.P.S. Jeffrey is Jeffrey, Santino is Santino. Jeffrey is not this season’s Santino. Or trying to be anything other than himself. McQueen is not trying to be Westwood…. In many ways Jeffrey and I couldn’t be more different. Comparing us, as Heidi did in the first episode, just shows her ignorance. (I often wonder if she knows what she’s looking at, ever?) Unfortunately, I received too many comments already that reitterate Heidi’s sentiments. Jeffrey is as passionate as I am about creating HIS idea of beauty. RESPECT IS MUTUAL.
Defensive much? And I know he did not just call Mizz Heidi Klum ignorant. It seems pretty universal that lederhosen lingerie is so not the sexy.