Now that the time is once again upon us when we have to pretend to enjoy "sports" such as curling, bobsledding and cross-country skiing, you might find CRACKED’s Guide to the Winter Olympics helpful and informative when trying to maintain coherent conversations with your co-workers about last night’s biathalon matchups.
With the Olympics, the Westminster Dog Show, Skating With Celebrities, and 24- Monday night really was the Best Night Ever. Don’t believe me? Watch the video.
See? Now what are you waiting for, join our YouTube group NOW.
Happy Vagina Monologues Day!! In the past few years, the provocative play has been staged at college campuses, old folks homes and dinner theaters across the country in an effort to make women comfortable with their hoohas. But more importantly, it’s allowed local reporters to write the innocently crass headlines we have grown to love. Here are 2006′s top three headlines about the Vagina Monologues from around the country.
3. Taking a Crack at the Vagina : This is from a local paper in Alberta Canada. The clever reporter made sure the oft neglected backside wasn’t left out of this V-day celebration. The only thing that could have made this headline better was a negative review (it stinks!)
2. Vagina Warriors Conquer Monologues: This Cal State Polytechnic newsletter takes the ferociously feminst approach, depiting the show as a battle between woman and monlogue. Sure woman beats monologue but doesn’t beat packed screening of The Wedding Singer playing across the hall.
1. Old Vagina Finds Good Body: I have no idea what this means which makes it the best headline ever. Ohio State University’s "student voice" publication apparently finds the play dated or perhaps the performance just isn’t tight enough.
Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I figured now’s as good a time as any to check out some celebrity blogs to find out what they have to say about love. And life. And vaginas.
I pulled this quote from a celebrity blog; you have to guess who wrote it. The answer will be after the jump. Okay? Here we go:
Someone told me that women are having their vaginas rejuvenated. That’s
right, rejuvenated and reconstructed and revirginized even. I thought
they were kidding.
Your choices are:
a) Gene Simmons
b) Anderson Cooper
c) Rosie O’Donnell
d) Fred Durst
Who wrote about revirginizing vaginas? Click below to find out.
It’s been inspiring to see Kelly Clarkson‘s rise from wannabe to Grammy-award winning pop superstar. But recently, there are some disturbing signs that she is turning the corner into some unfortunate territory: Divaville. Here’s why I’m worried:
- She just sold her old house, which was a modest little number in Mansfield, Texas. It’s fine that she’s selling her house, but watch out if she ends up in a Hollywood mansion with a pool shaped like a microphone.
- She broke up with her boyfriend, Graham Colton, reportedly due to their "busy schedules." Once again, this is okay. But she needs to be careful that she doesn’t end up with a Hollywood boyfriend or worse, be caught making out with Colin Farrell.
- Finally, there is the American Idol double whammy: She didn’t want to let AI use her music on their show and she didn’t thank the show when she won the Grammy. Okay, maybe she wants to make a break from the show, but she has to at least acknowledge its role in making her famous. OF course, she’s free to say mean things about Simon.
Kelly, we love you because you’re one of us. Please don’t become one of them.
TMZ has a list of some things that photographers have witnessed but are too classy to capture with their cameras. A partial list:
Britney Spears has gone into the bathroom at a Mobil Gas Station three times — each time she was barefoot. Are they trying to imply that a gas-station floor is dirty?
- Lindsay Lohan was caught picking her nose for several minutes straight. Who says she’s not eating enough?
- Pam Anderson bakes casseroles for her kid’s classmates. She’s an awesome mom, picking
her kids up everyday and, much to their chagrin, kissing them in public. They might just be a little bit of afraid of her lips.
- Mel Gibson plays cat and mouse games with paparazzi, hiding behind cars and startling them. Why are they always trying to crucify Mel?
- Madonna often rides her bike in the exact
same clothing, minimizing the number of photos the paparazzi can sell. Yeah, that’s the reason!
QUOTE: "I didn’t even know my bra size until I made a movie." – Angelina Jolie (3am)
OSCAR NOMINEE PARODY: Conversations I’ve Had During A Normal Day In Los Angeles, Modified To Include The Shocking Depiction Of Racism Found In Paul Haggis’ 2004 Film Crash. (McSweeney’s)
BIGGEST CRASH THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OSCARS: Lindsay Kildow’s (NBC)
THE ‘TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE’ AWARD FOR A STUPID HEADLINE: Jaws Creator Loved Sharks, Wife Reveals (Times Online)
EMBARRASSING VAN HALEN NEWS: Van Halen Headed to Next Season of ‘Rock Star’? (TMZ)
VIDEO OF KATIE HOLMES GETTING THE WOOL PULLED OVER HER EYES BY SOMEBODY OTHER THAN TOM CRUISE: Katie Holmes Punk’d Video (Smit Happens)
I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty sure this is my favorite video on the internet. I really hope "Only in Kenya" becomes the next "Crazy Frog." Watch it now!
After watching the video for about 4 minutes I thought, "I hope this never ends." Then, at about the 12 minute mark I thought, "Okay, nevermind." But still.
What’s your favorite part? Is it the adorable dancing lion? Is it the random calling out of Norway? Is it the song? Or is it the slogan "Kenya Believe It?"
I don’t know what mine is, but I do know one thing: I want to go to Kenya. Because they have lions and tigers.