…OF THE DAY

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lohan's b-fMANDATE FROM THE PEOPLE : Laguna Beach’s Kristin Cavalleri gets bruised and bloodied for her upcoming horror flick. (Barbie Martini)
MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR GUY RITCHIE : It’s not simply that Madonna’s complaining in this clip, it’s that she’s doing it with an accent.(Dlisted )
LINDSAY LOHAN’S BOYFRIEND: This guy (pictured) is today’s latest conquest, but he’s already looking a bit too needy.(Faded Youth)
NO SH*T TIP: Forbes’ list of 15 ways to live longer cites “being rich” and “having more sex” as surefire ways to extend your life. We were hoping to just eat more bran, but if it means living longer I guess we’ll give those other things a try. (Forbes)
NEXT SIMPSON APPENDAGE TO GET SURGERY: Wonder if Ashlee can suggest a good plastic surgeon for sister and SAG-member Jessica. (ONTD)

Is Ashlee Simpson’s New Nose Having The Best Week Ever?

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ashlee nose.jpgTwo weeks ago, Ashlee Simpson was nothing more than Jessica’s younger, less talented, bigger-nosed sister. But after going under the knife Doctor 90210 style, that’s not the case today. Now nobody can say she has a bigger nose (the less talented stuff is still cool, though.)

People are loving Ashlee’s new schnoz. Egotastic has posted over 60 photographs of the singer, and there are whispers throughout the blogosphere that Ashlee may have surpassed Jessica as the sexier Simpson sister. It’s amazing what a little rhinoplasty can do. After looking at the pics, I started thinking that she has a better voice too. You’re doing some great PR work, Ashlee Simpson’s Nose– and that’s why I think you’re having the best week ever.

While You Were Working Less Than Lindsay

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  • Maggie Gyllenhaal almost quit the September 11th movie she’s filming over views on America’s response to the event. Thankfully Hollywood’s blockbuster response to the event is right on target.
  • Brad Pitt buys an island home in the Dominican Republic. So over the whole Namibia scene.
  • Remember Vitamin C? She’s making a comeback , hopefully this time she’ll be encased in chewable Flinstones.
  • Brooke Burke and the Burger King break up. Friends still prefer him to Bruce Willis.
  • Brooke Hogan films her new music video (pictured at right)…that happens to promise rock hard abs in 20 days or your money back.

ICYMI: Lohan Is Hard-Working, Not a Junkie

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Whatever it is you’re doing right now, you’re not working nearly as hard as Lindsay Lohan does. Have you ever tried keeping your nipples inside the fabulous-but-revealing confines of a designer dress while simultaneously typing a text message, posing for paparazzi, trying to look sober, flirting with an A-list director and verbally berating your assistant? That sh*t ain’t easy and, for Lindsay Lohan, the assistance of narcotics are simply not an option. Watch her eloquently explain this to a very glib Matt Lauer:

UPDATE: K-Fed MySpace Page Back Up!

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kevin_federline2.jpgLast Month, K-fed got in hot water for stealing riffs from Thomas Dolby’s She Blinded Me With Science on his track America’s Most Hated for his upcoming album. At the time he was forced to remove the track from his MySpace page, a site that featured a cornucopia of Federline tracks and playa pictures.

Well, we’re sorry to say that K-fed’s home base at Myspace has been deleted. The cached version of the page shows his last log in was April 28th. We really hope this doesn’t signal problems with the release of his upcoming album, Playing with Fire. But where his MySpace music player once listed three blazin’ Federline singles, it now says simply “That Artist Does Not Exist.” Five more chilling words have never been spoken (except “Will You Marry Me, Britney”).

UPDATE: After a brief blip in the universe Kevin’s MySpace Page is back up and better than ever. Not only is legally embroiled song America’s Most Hated back on the player, but the pictures of Kevin sipping bubbly have been replaced with photos of a more sober “artist” sipping cola. Welcome back K-fed. Don’t ever scare us like that again!!!

YOUTUBULAR: Saved By the Sundae!

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Since the advent of user-submitted video sites like YouTube and iFilm, we’ve been trying to think of a new word to capture the essence and awesomeness of previously forgotten footage from the 80′s and 90′s that has been given new life via the Internet. That word is YouTubular, which is the new tag we will apply to all the clips that don’t really have anything to do with anything – other than being awesome. Like the video below, dropped by reader ocdfreelancer, depicting the lovely ladies from Saved By the Bell in a classic coordinated dance routine!

BWE PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: Playing With Fire

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kfed entry 1.JPGKevin Federline is Playing With Fire. Which exactly why you should be playing with Playing With Fire.

What’s K-Fed’s upcoming album cover going to look like? If Lisa S is anywhere close, the answer is AWESOME. Submit your entries to contests@bwe.tv Anything goes. We’ll post our favorites, and every week we’ll be awarding prizes to the best of the best. So get to it, y’all. PapaZao!

While You Were Shooting The Whole Day Down

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  • Bruce Willis wants more kids. Ex-wife Demi advises him to just follow in her footsteps and marry one.
  • Jessica Simpson dyed her hair red. At least that’s what people tell me… I’ve been staring at the picture for 45 minutes and still haven’t noticed.
  • Sheryl Crow is standing up for Coldplay, a band that she thinks doesn’t get the respect they deserve in the US. Chris Martin replies, “Thanks, but you’re not exactly helping.”
  • Lil Wayne says “I am the Kobe Bryant of hip-hop.” Which is exactly why he’s not allowed anywhere near white women in Colorado.
  • President Bush says his best moment in office was when he caught a 7.5 pound fish. I’m inclined to agree.

SIZZLER: There’s no CMM in Prom

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kenzie-chadSo imagine you’re engaged to the hottest guy on the WB and you can’t even take him to your high school prom! It happened to Kenzie Dalton, the pageant queen turned teen home wrecker, who’s engaged to One Tree Hill’s Chad Michael Murray. When school officials found out he’s 24 (and going through a divorce) they banned him from her prom citing a “no date over 20″ rule. Don’t they know that 24 is really 16 in One Tree Hill years?

In honor of National Prom Month, check out some vintage celebrity prom pictures here. If you think CMM is a sketchy date for a teenager, think back to who singer Brandy brought for her big night in ’96.

Harry Potter Fan Fiction We’d Rather Not See

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potter.jpgThis website has a pretty hilarious list of titles for Harry Potter fan fiction that might be best unwritten. Some of these are laugh-out-loud funny:

Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this Fanfic
Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors
Harry Potter and the E Street Band
Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan
Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

(via Boing Boing)