It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, June 14th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including So You Think You Can Dance?, Blue Collar TV, and Dog Bites Man!
Tom Cruise has been actively recruiting Hollywood super-couple Brangelina ever since they had their baby. He’s offered Angelina humanitarian awards, and Brad paternal advice. He’s even lent the couple his private jet. But no matter what he does, beautiful, successful, emotionally-fulfilled Brangelina just won’t join Scientology.
Of course they won’t, they don’t need to. Tom’s heart’s in the right place, but he’s going about things in the wrong way. Every religious leader knows the best converts are people in crisis. Just ask Jesus, he’s already got his celebrity quota in the bag. Today drug-addled rehab-bound Pete Doherty told press he’s been talking to the big C, who told him to “pull himself together and repent his sins.” Now that’s the what we’re talking about, Tom, tough love on down-and-out celebrities. That’s the only way to play this crazy religion game. It also couldn’t hurt to drop the whole the alien thing. It’s kind of creeping people out.
When John Mayer dropped by Chappelle’s Show during its second season you couldn’t help but gain a new respect for the man. Sure, his lyrics to “Your Body Is A Wonderland” were funny; but seeing him hold his own with Dave made you realize that John could be intentionally funny as well.
So how funny is John, exactly? Well, if you’re in New York you can find out tonight. I was just tipped off by an anonymous BWE comedian (okay, it was Sherrod Small) that John is dropping by The Comedy Cellar tonight to try his hand at stand-up comedy. He’ll be hitting up the 11 o’clock show; so if you’re a hot, young female fan you should leave your boyfriend at home and head on down to MacDougal Street and check it out.
That last part was Sherrod’s idea, of course.
Update: Mayer says he’s not doing standup tonight:
Someone got very excited when I said “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I won’t ever get on stage at a comedy club when people know about it.
Quite simply, I can’t defend it. Don’t want to, either.
Just want to attack a new learning curve, and a different form of observation.
I like sucking at something I love. Keeps it honest.
This is some Rosie O. haiku shit, huh.
Is anyone going? Did he or didn’t he?
Chocaholism is something that’s affected some the greatest talents of our generations. From Cathy to Caroline Rhea, some folks are married to a sweet, brown lover they call chocolate. Unfortunately, it looks like Kevin Federline is the latest victim of this disease (because it is a disease, you know).
BWE has obtained this revealing photo of K-Fed during a recent outing with his dog in Malibu and it proves that Kevin’s problems run deeper than we thought. He’s clearly downing Yoo-Hoo in the middle of the day. When you see a grown man sipping the malted chocolate beverage from a can on a hot summer’s day, you can’t help but feel sad, and a little nauseous. Before you know it, he’ll be stashing empty packets of Ho-Ho’s in his pockets and doing lines of powdered NesCafe. There’s no telling how many lives he’ll destroy in the process. Or worse yet, how many embroidered pillows he’ll inspire.
Word on the street (and by street, I mean PR Newswire) is that Hollywood’s cutest pseudo-hipster couple – Zach Braff and Mandy Moore – have just taken up residence in Splitsville. For Mandy, this is sort of like life imitating art (and by art, I mean her character on Entourage last season brutally dumping young movie star Vincent Chase, sending him into a spiral of misery and shame). But hopefully Braff will handle the heartbreak a little better – after all, he does have an iPod full of life-changing consolation music from The Shins, as well as stacks and stacks of unopened Urban Outfitters Music Sampler CDs from which he was planning on selecting the tracks for his next film’s soundtrack. Keep your chin up, bro.
In her eagerly-awaited exclusive interview with Matt Lauer, Britney Spears reportedly reveals that she’s heard stories told of a mythical land in Africa that provides safe haven for paparazzi-plagued celebrities who seek a quiet place in which they may give birth peacefully. Legend has it that this lush desert utopia welcomes the internationally famous with open arms and closed cameras; that cool streams of FIJI water flow throughout the luxurious, security-fortified compounds that are given away freely to superstars seeking shelter from the tabloid storm; that winged unicorns transport weary mothers-to-be around the Eden-like paradise whose trees bear fruit roll-ups (in both grape and strawberry flavors). Britney says she’s planning on delivering her next child in this magical haven, and even goes so far as whisper it’s sacred name: it is called Namibia.
During his press conference this morning, President Bush mocked reporter Peter Wallstein for asking a question with his shades on. Well, what the President didn’t realize at the time was that Mr. Wallsten is legally blind. I think this proves once and for all that George Bush doesn’t care about
black blind people. Check it out here: