Okay, let’s say you’re on an airplane – a commercial jetliner like the ones you’ve probably flown your entire life. And let’s just say that somehow, for some reason, someone elected to put a whole bunch of deadly snakes on this plane with you and said snakes managed to get loose, thereby posing a terrifying and lethal threat to you and your fellow passengers. And now let us imagine that Samuel L. Jackson also happens to be aboard this plane, and that he is the only passenger who can possibly save you from those motherf*cking snakes. And suppose all this hypothetical intrigue is being filmed for use in a summer Hollywood movie unsubtly titled, Snakes on a Plane. Well, if this were all to actually happen, the one thing you would really need is a corresponding music video from a band who just happens to be named after a deadly snake, as well as some sort of aircraft (say…Cobra Starship, for example). And the song in that video should probably be called, “Snakes on a Plane (Bring It)”. Oh, look…
- Tom Cruise’s spokesperson is begging the media to give Tom, Katie & “Suri” their privacy. Though the quotes around “Suri” are mine, not theirs.
- Jessica Simpson says her ideal man is Brad Pitt in the movie “Fight Club.” Which I think means that her ideal man would actually just be a figment of Ed Norton’s imagination. Deep.
- Jaime Pressly says Paris Hilton, Cindy Crawford and Elle MacPherson should all give up acting. Thank God we have legitimate actresses like Poison Ivy III‘s Jaime Pressly dictating who should do what in Hollywood.
- Paris Hilton doesn’t have many friends left because so many of them have betrayed her by selling stories to the media. Not because she’s a horrible, manipulative, unlikeable c**t. That has nothing to do with it– it’s their fault.
- The Orange County band Supernova has filed a complaint against Mark Burnett’s reality show Rock Star: Supernova. The band was absolutely stunned that somebody else was able to come up with such an original name.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, July 11th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Fear Factor, Last Comic Standing, and Rock Star: Supernova!
- CHER NEWS: Cher’s best friend Dionne posed naked for Playboy. FYI, I’m talking about the Clueless Cher, people, not the old scary one. (The Bastardly)
- FORCED RETIREMENT: Paris Hilton says she’s giving up sex for a year. The city of Los Angeles plans ceremony to raise her vagina to the rafters of the Staples Center in memorium. (Blog NYC)
- BO KNOWS: This video showcasing just how amazing Bo Jackson was in the game Tecmo Bowl brings back many memories. Man, I miss crappy video games. (Gorillamask)
- BEATING A DEAD HORSE: Well, not exactly. But soon. (Deadspin)
- WEBSITE FORMALLY KNOWN AS PRINCE: The Artist’s website is ‘on hiatus’ until further notice. Strange; it’s not like him to be so impulsive. (TMZ)
Apparently local vandals had some fun with a billboard in Houston, Texas. This was the result:
Related: What Would Jesus Brew?.
- Syd Barrett passed away today. Naturally, there are tributes galore all over the web. Hit up Fluxblog for the classic Pink Floyd track “Bike” as well as a solo track, and then swing over to Kill Your Co-Workers for a handful of Peel Session tracks.
- The Merry Swankster has a great summer 6-pack that includes tracks by Pavement and The Long Blondes. Its oh-so-summery.
- Scatter O’ Light posted a bunch of 80′s covers via Q magazine, including The Futureheads covering Bowie and Catherine Feeny covering Springsteen.
- And finally, Both Sides Of The Mouth has a great mix today featuring a ton of tracks. Clap Your Hands, Of Montreal, Voxtrot, The Lovely Feathers… the list goes on and on. Download them all.
The fearless investigative journalists over at TMZ have blown another hole in the case against Suri Cruise’s existence by uncovering some shocking – shocking! – discrepancies between the birth certificate of Suri and the birth certificate of Brooke Shields’ daughter, who happened to be born the same day. Supposedly the same registered nurse signed both documents, but neither of which bears her official license number, thereby casting doubt on their authenticity. There’s too much brain-bending information and irony at play here to even attempt thinking too hard on it, but evaluate this latest evidence and form your own opinions on whether or not it should be taken suri-ously (suri, I could help myself. Okay, I’ll stop now.)
Got something of your own you want us to see? Drop it now!
Last night Amy Sedaris went on The Colbert Report to promote her new movie Strangers With Candy (in which Stephen also happens to star). I won’t disprespect what happened next by trying to explain it – just enjoy!
Lindsay Lohan plans on showing off her raunchy side by publishing a book of sexy photographs. Please note, this is much different than when Lindsay shows off her raunchy side by doing just about everything else. This is art.
The book will be titled “Narcissist” and Lindsay can’t wait to show the world her sensual side. She also can’t wait to find out what the word “narcissist” means, and plans on doing so once one of her assistants looks it up for her.
“It’s my body. And I like my body. And I like my breasts. And no, they’re not fake. I think a woman’s body is so much more sensual than a man’s. I’m not saying strip off all your clothes, but there are certain photos I like people taking of me, where I’m comfortable. As long as it’s tasteful. Why not?”
So there you have it. Sounds like Lindsay is taking a page out of the Madonna handbook. But I swear, if there are any pictures of her humping Vanilla Ice, I’m out of here.