SIZZLER: There’s no CMM in Prom

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kenzie-chadSo imagine you’re engaged to the hottest guy on the WB and you can’t even take him to your high school prom! It happened to Kenzie Dalton, the pageant queen turned teen home wrecker, who’s engaged to One Tree Hill’s Chad Michael Murray. When school officials found out he’s 24 (and going through a divorce) they banned him from her prom citing a “no date over 20″ rule. Don’t they know that 24 is really 16 in One Tree Hill years?

In honor of National Prom Month, check out some vintage celebrity prom pictures here. If you think CMM is a sketchy date for a teenager, think back to who singer Brandy brought for her big night in ’96.

Harry Potter Fan Fiction We’d Rather Not See

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potter.jpgThis website has a pretty hilarious list of titles for Harry Potter fan fiction that might be best unwritten. Some of these are laugh-out-loud funny:

Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this Fanfic
Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors
Harry Potter and the E Street Band
Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan
Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

(via Boing Boing)

PROPPED: SNL’S Don’t Touch My Testicles

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tom on snlThis week on SNL, host Tom Hanks was the lastest celebrity in the Samberg/ Parnell musical meat grinder. In this “SNL digital short” Hanks bypasses the Natalie Portman-style gangsta rapping, and instead portrays an early 90′s Right Said Fred rip-off who doesn’t want you to touch his testicles.
Watch the clip here.

Props to dyanysus1116 for dropping it (and not touching our testicles.)

Go here to prop up user-submitted stories you want to see on our front page . Got a link or story to submit? Drop it here!

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: TV Goodbyes

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alias1.jpgThe year is only five months old, but already we’ve had to say goodbye to some of our favorite shows: Arrested Development was pulled off the air, 7th Heaven wraps up tonight, and according to a friend of a friend Matt LeBlanc was in some show called Joey that also won’t be coming back.

With a bunch of other shows going the way of the dinosaurs (and the Dinosaurs), one tends to be left with mixed emotions. Sometimes you’re happy that you don’t have to endure another season of Will & GraceUpgrade! But other times, you’re left feeling empty and Jennifer Garner-less– Downgrade! Go vote now!

SIZZLER: Louisiana Bracing For Hurricane Britney?

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britneycountry.jpgEven though the wounds inflicted by Hurricane Katrina have yet to heal, the citizens of Louisana could be facing yet another horrifying disasterBritney Spears and Kevin Federline moving back to the pop princess’ home state. What will happen to life in the sleepy town of Kentwood, Louisana when residents are suddenly confronted with the terrifying reality of a du-rag wearing, blunt-smoking white boy who is constantly having loud “rap battles” with his “OG homies” from suburban Fresno whilst his barefoot bride looks on disdainfully instead of paying attention to her child, who is always playing in traffic? Even by Southern standards, is rural Louisiana ready for the redneck antics of the Spears-Federline clan?

Beverly Hillbillies, indeed.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Daily Refill and ProductShopNYC cope with the difficulty of not getting Radiohead tickets by posting a bunch of the band’s new material, leaked from live performances.
  • The Rawking Refuses to Stop is rawking some nice live cuts from Jeff Tweedy.
  • Villiage Indian has a bunch of good mp3s, including the must-listen track from buzz-addled newcomers Beirut.
  • MOKB is celebrating their namesake horse race with some good covers from Band of Horses and My Morning Jacket.
  • YANP posts a nice springtime song from Snowglobe, an amazing band who also happen to be friends of mine.
  • Mocking Music isn’t making a mockery of the impressively prolific pop masters in Bishop Allen.

SIZZLER: Katie Nurses Real Baby

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If you still don’t believe Katie was really pregnant, here’s more strategically placed proof: Katie’s nursing bra. On a recent night out to dinner with Tom, Katie’s low-cut shirt just happened to reveal the bra she wears to feed Suri. We’re sure Tom had nothing to do with this fashion faux-pas. But if you’d like to see Holmes’ stretch marks, all you have to do is ask.

Check out more pictures of TomKat’s night out here!

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Mission Unprofitable

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mi-3_rt.jpgWhat happens when you launch a costly, multi-vehicular air, land and sea publicity assault on the biggest metropolitan area in the world? Apparently not much. Here are the top five films you chose to waste your hard-earned money on last weekend.

1. Tom Cruise’s increasingly insane real-life antics are proving to be far better entertainment than the movies he makes between his patented brand of publicity nightmares – $48 million

2. No wonder M:I3 opened to such poor numbers, considering the stiff competition it had from the Robin Williams-on-vacation-in-a-motorhome-hijinx-ensue-comedy in it’s second week of release – $11.1 million

3. I see dead people: Donald Sutherland and Sissy Spacek’s slumming performances – $6.4 million

4. You know what, “stick it” up your ass$5.5 million

5. Grave-robbing is not nearly as profitable as Hollywood had been expecting – $5.2 million

PROPPED: Guttenberg on Wheels

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Props to nthdegree for bringing us this old-school footage (via Gothamist) of Steve Guttenberg roller skating through the steets of New York City in the Village People movie “Can’t Stop the Music.” You see kids, in 1980, when the movie was made, roller skating was New York’s primary form of public transportation. And nobody could roll and rock like the Gutts.

Got a story for us? Drop It now!

While You Were Never Drinking Tequila Again

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  • A court awarded David Hasselhoff joint custody of his children following his bitter divorce from estranged ex-wife Pamela Bach. The Hoff is relieved to have his kids back, but is still pissed that the b*tch got to keep KITT.
  • Courtney Love revealed that the first time she met Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, she was high on crack. She then revealed that she was also high on crack while revealing the previous revelation.
  • By now one would think it impossible to learn that Kevin Federline could possibly be any more of an idiot than he already seems. But then one would see this picture, and inherently know they had been oh so very wrong.
  • Oh, and when K-Fed isn’t standing triumphantly atop a Maserati he doesn’t own, he’s pressing the buttons of his ATM machine/wife, who keeps telling him “insufficient funds”.
  • Zack Morris knocked up his wife, who sadly isn’t Kelly Kapowski.