- ARCH ENEMY #1: Jordan Bratman, who won’t allow wife Christina Aguilera to pose topless. Bastard. (Blog NYC)
- DIVA: Eva Longoria, who exhibited diva behavior by snapping at a waitress “Celebrities should be comped.” Though, she also exhibited non-diva behavior by hanging out with AC Slater. (Defamer)
- MUSIC VIDEO: …or sex tape. Whatever the hell Paris Hilton was shooting in Malibu. (The Bastardly)
- BILLION DOLLAR LEGS: Mariah Carey’s. At least that’s what they’re insured for. (Hollywood Rag)
- BANDWAGON MOTHER: Mira Sorvino, who gave birth Monday. Sorry Mira, you may have an Oscar, but you’re not going to get headlines when Gwen and Angelina have babies the same weekend. Now go get to work on Romy & Michelle 2. (Us Weekly)
I hate to do this, but I’m about to break Lindsay Lohan’s heart (or at least ruin her summer plans.) The actress recently told Interview Magazine that she’s so smitten with new British boyfriend and Carte Blanche lead singer Jamie Burke, she plans to move to London for the summer just to be closer to him.
But unfortunately, I don’t think Jamie’s going to be there. BWE just received a email from his band’s booker that reads: “Carte Blanche will play live at parties this summer in the Tri-State, PA & New England areas.” Sorry Lindsay, but if you want to spend time with Jamie, forget London. This summer’s all about weddings and bat mitzvahs in Southern Jersey.
- Paris Hilton dates model hired for her video. Doesn’t know he’s still on the clock.
- Ben Affleck goes to hospital for headache. But all he got were 2 lousy Excedrin.
- Musician Cisco Adler talks to press about his talent. Scoring Mischa Barton.
- Johnny Depp and Kate Moss may reunite for the biopic of Michael Hutchence. Or plan to use that as an excuse.
- Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore party in Iowa. You’re never too famous for cow-tipping.
- Ron Howard’s daughter gets with Spiderman. Dad’s just relieved he’s not The Fonz.
From describing jail as “awesome” to violating her probation to threats of expatriating, the long story of Michelle Rodriguez and her legal troubles finally appears to be over, as she was let out of her 60-day sentence after serving just 4 hours and 20 minutes, which she described as “totally badass” before heading off to get drunk and drive somewhere so she can go back again soon. Michelle fought the law and Michelle won.
Silkworm Nooboo Pitt-Jolie is hardly even two days old, and the AOL Moviefone blog has already created speculative photo composites of what the child might look like, from now throughout its teens. In the heat of their ‘babymania’, they’ve even gone so far as to mock up images of what the child’s non-existant brother would look like. Is this finally the last of the famous pregnant people? Can we all stop worrying about other people’s kids now? Are there no condoms in Hollywood?
- I Guess I’m Floating spent Memorial Day remembering all the great bands that are no more. Nirvana, Blind Melon, Queen, Rage, Genesis, Blink 182, Pavement, Led Zeppelin… the list goes on and on. Pour some out for your homies.
- Wham! is reuniting. Sadly, the reunion is only temporary. Thankfully, Kofi’s Hat has a couple of classic Wham tracks to get you excited.
- You may know Psapp as the band that provides the theme song to Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t know Psapp at all. That’s why I’m hitting up Indie Don’t Dance for a few tracks to familiarize myself.
- Kate at The Glorious Hum put together a mix that features Wilco, Ben Kweller, Supergrass and Weezer. The kid has taste.
- And finally, Looking At Them has a handful of cover songs today, including World Party’s take on “All The Young Dudes” and Frente’s “Bizarre Love Triangle.” Enjoy.
It’s here, the official Snakes on a Plane website, complete with videos, games, downloads and lots of other time-wasters to prepare you for the cinematic experience of discovering what in fact happens in the terrifying hypothetical situation of there being deadly snakes…on a plane.
Aint It Cool News took a break from furiously masturbating over all the latest trailers for Superman Returns to tell us about something truly cool and awesome: a sequel to the 1989 Patrick Swayze classic, Road House. “What is Road House“, you ask? Um, only the awesomest movie ever made. I mean, this is a film that features Patrick Swayze boning Kelly Lynch against a wall while Otis Redding plays in the background (NSFW, or anywhere else really). And some of the most elaborately choreographed fight scenes ever created – awesome even when they’re sub-titled in Spanish! I’d like to see the fancy-pants Matrix movies top THAT kind of action! So yeah, there’s gonna be a sequel called Road House 2: Last Call, but for some insane reason, it won’t have Patrick Swazye or his beautiful voice in it, so who knows? Now here’s an anime version of his hit song, “She’s Like the Wind”.
According to new reports, Britney Spears has officially kicked Kevin Federline out of her bed and out of her life, and her publicist has not denied the claim. After trying work it out, Britney reportedly returned from her trip to New York to find K-Fed smoking weed in the house. So now Federline has been banished to live in the basement of their California mansion. But Kevin isn’t worried. With a lava lamp and a few bean bag chairs, it’ll be even sweeter than his mom’s garage.
Madonna and Michael Jackson. When I was a child in nursery school, that was my answer to the question “If you could choose your parents, who would you choose.” You could only imagine how I would’ve turned out.
Throughout the years, celebrities have coupled up and popped out children (like this one in the Best Baby Ever onesie) left and right. These kids, who are born rich and famous, seem to have it all: money, power, groupies (?), and to top it all off– super cool celebrity parents. With some of these Celebrity Parents you can’t help but look at them and wish that you were the one calling them Mom and Dad– Upgrade! But with other couples, you’re glad that you’re not the one being dragged around in front of the paparazzi with them– Downgrade!