Let’s take a break from all the nipple slips and Lohan vag jokes for just a moment to take a somewhat humorous look at a very important issue (think of this as that part after the cartoon when Optimus Prime makes some Public Service Announcement). Net Neutrality sounds like a boring blog-nerd term, but it happens to be an incredibly important issue facing all of us today. Large corporate telecom firms are conspiring right now to pass laws that would make the Internet a place they can regulate and charge you for, taking away the free democratic spirit that makes it so powerful and amazing. To help create awareness about this issue, three AWESOME Internet celebrities have gotten together with WeAreTheWeb.org to make a hilarious video that will entertain and, just maybe, educate you. If you aren’t already familiar with Leslie Hall Keeper of Gems, Tron Guy and Peter Pan, don’t do yourselves the disservice of missing out on this video. After you watch and the laughter subsides, do whatever you can, no matter how small, to take action and defend our right a free Internet. Otherwise, you could soon be paying to read our lame jokes about K-Fed, and that would just be sad.
- As part of a Netflix-sponsored series of geographically-significant film screenings, Kevin Costner showed up to the corn field he made famous in Field of Dreams, then played a set with his four-piece rock band. So if you build it, he will come. With his band. And play music. So I think the lesson we should all take from this is don’t build it.
- Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have finally reached an “amicable agreement” on the terms of their divorce. “Amicable Agreement” is Hollywoodese for the phenomenon in which both members of a married celebrity couple have enough dirt to convince each other to just split everything down the middle, generally keep their bloody mouths shut, and pray the press doesn’t figure out what’s going on.
- Dr. Phil McGraw’s son married a Playboy model. Funny how he never gives that kind of good advice to the poor schmucks on his show.
- Old New Kid Jordan Knight says he thinks it would be cool if more boy band members would follow in Lance Bass’ light footsteps and admit to being gay. I guess when you’ve been trapped in that closet for that long, you might at least want a little more room.
- England’s Prince Harry was photographed out wasted, cupping his hands over some bird’s boobs. Could be worse I guess, like if the boobs belonged to Jenna Bush.
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, August 14th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Hell’s Kitchen, Treasure Hunters, and American Chopper!
- STIGMATA: The Pringles Man appears in the form of a saddlebag sweatstache on some guy’s pants. Millions of overweight sports-fanatics flock to the man’s ass to cry, pray. (Cityrag)
- OVERHEATING STARLET: Jennifer Garner is rushed to the hospital while filming The Kingdom in Arizona, after a bout of overheating. Lindsay Lohan immediately Blackberrys her, asking for tips on how to make her next incident “more authentic.” (E! Online)
- SIDE-BOOB: Speaking of LiLo, the girl exposes yet more of her noteworthy side-boob, this time while wearing a burlap sack with armholes made for a condor. Her breasts don’t even look human anymore, rather like those dolls made of pantyhose and cotton balls. We’re thinking googly-eyed nips. (Hollywood Gossip Whores)
- FAKE RESCUE: A couple who got into a car accident got some celebritay-tay-assistance when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stopped to help them out, while Suri Cruise remained clamped into the backseat, baby-Hannibal-Lecter mask in place, plotting. She’s always plotting, Clarice. (Defamer)
- GOLDEN GIRL LIVES!: Betty White is Alive!!! And she hasn’t aged!! At all!… Seriously she looks the same. Maybe she’s been laughogenically frozen. (Perez Hilton)
- HEADLINE: “How the Nazis Gave Us Disco.” We may have just given up on life. (UK Telegraph)
People Magazine reports today that Kate Hudson and rocker hubby Chris Robinson are separating after six years of marriage. This must be one of the most surprising splits in recent Hollywood memory. There’s Kate, beautiful actress, marrying at 21 right in time for her major movie career to kick off. Then you have Chris Robinson, washed-up rock star, strung-out, swathed in burly, brown hair. We’re gonna boil this one down to unhygenic comb sharing.
We’re sorry to see the couple go — they have an adorable, feminine looking little boy together — but if it’s any indication, Kate has been looking her best these days. Perhaps a new love interest in her future? Who would look good next to Kate’s side? Is it too soon to already be matchmaking? Don’t answer that.
Pete is a contestant on Big Brother UK — a contestant suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome. While Pete is a fairly attractive, strung-out looking guy, he can’t go 15 seconds without screaming out “Wankers!” and having a minor fit. Now, censors in the U.K. are fearful the guy will have a wanker-breakdown on live TV, and are ordering that all interviews of Pete (who is slated to win) be pre-recorded. Take a look at this Tourette-y breakdown the poor guy has (warning: those of you freaked out by maniacal laughter better steer cleer.) British reality is so much more fun than our own.
(Video via TV Tattle)
- Sixeyes discoveres some little band called The Shins, and his life is thus changed forever.
- A new Walkmen track called “Many Rivers To Cross” is up over at Stereogum. I don’t really have a joke here, cause the song’s pretty awesome.
- Someone call Smokey the Bear, because the fire has spread from The Arcade to The Theater next door! Hear the hot sounds of The Theater Fire over at Aquarium Drunkard.
- The View From Yoorp is tired of the blogger buzz surrounding Bel Auburn, so they do the only thing they can think of: post three of the band’s tracks.
- Over at The Bubble Death, BWE favorites Bishop Allen have released this month’s new track, called “Click Click Click Click”. And trust me, you should should should should.
Exciting news out of the Puff– Puffy.. Didd-Daa… Diddyy.. Sean Combs camp today: He’s expecting his third child! According to Page Six, Puffy’s girlfriend chose to skip alcohol on a recent vacation and was photographed in a loose fitting shirt… yup, sounds like a baby to us! And one word comes to mind: Amazing.
Why would a new Puffy baby be so exciting? Well, look at all the other celebrity babies whose pictures we’ve seen. Boring. Blah. Simple clothes. No bang, no zazz. Something about Puffy says “luxury baby goods.” A baby wearing a footie outfit made from a wholly-skinned chinchilla, with a mini-Hermes bag, and a tiny, tiny grill fashioned for a single bucked-tooth. Baby shoes preserved in platinum and diamonds. Formula made with Alize. We just cried a tear, and it had glitter in it. A Puffy baby would really spice things up around the celebrity playpen.
I bet you were just thinking to yourself, “You know, self, I’ve enjoyed all the Mel Gibson jokes BWE has incessantly been making, but I really miss those salad days when it was all firecrotch, all the time.” Well you’re in luck, because the stalkerazzi over TMZ caught Paris & Nicky Hilton, Brandon Davis, and Scott Storch on their way out of In ‘N Out Burger (Paris’ favorite, because its name just makes her feel good), and those crazy kids just won’t let the firecrotch joke die! So if you want to see drunk, grease-covered idiots getting into what appears to be a Delorean whilst cracking themselves up with a joke too old for even Jay Leno to touch, you know where to click!
Boy George, sporting an adorable cinched orange vest and sockless Gola sneakers, began his community service today in New York. He has been ordered to sweep the streets as punishment for a paranoid cocaine-induced 911 call in March. He’s already snapped at the media, telling them they should just go home… but why would we do that? Watching him sweep is oddly hilarious/relaxing. See for yourself.