- Tom Cruise is allegedly in talks to sell photographs of baby Suri for upwards of $1 million. He then plans on saving the money for her inevitable psychiatric bills.
- George W. Bush has been the punchline 307 times for late-night comics on television so far this year. Yet he’s been surprisingly absent from every single episode of Yo Mamma!
- American Idol’s Simon Cowell makes $36 million a year. But he’s not in it for the money; he’d act like a prick for free if he had to.
- James Blunt’s ex-lover says the singer-songwriter isn’t packing the heat. What, you’re telling me the guy with a high voice that sings “You’re beautiful, it’s true” isn’t hung like a mule? Shocking.
- The lead singer of The Killers says his band is recording “one of the best albums of the past 20 years.” They’re calling it OK Computer and letting Radiohead do the entire thing.
- Britney’s having a girl! And so’s Kevin, when Britney’s not paying attention!
How many of you kids out there watched last night’s killer episode of LOST? For a show that seems to dangle plot info in front of you like a carrot on a stick, last night had no shortage of crazy twists and turns. I’m not going to spoil anything in the post, but I encourage you all to discuss your theories in the comments section. Also, did any of you TiVo-less viewers catch that bizarre commercial for The Hanso Foundation? Some pretty crazy stuff. And what about this secret link to the orientation video from the Dharma Initiative? What does it all mean!?!
Remember – don’t drink and drive, kiddies
Things are looking up for George Michael, the embroiled former pop star who was recently arrested for drug possession and crashing his car. Michael is getting married to longtime partner Kenny Goss in a small ceremony in England. The couple who’ve been together for 10 years are legally able to form a civil partnership in England. Which means that if they ever adopt, the child will have two father figures.
It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, May 3rd! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Top Model, American Idol, Lost, and South Park!
- IMPEACHMENT: RIP Commander in Chief. We just weren’t ready for a
female presidentcrappy show about a female president. (Zap2It)
- YO MAMMA! INSULT: Yo Mamma is so mediocre, she doesn’t even deserve $134,121 compensation that a recent study reveals she’s worth! (My Way)
- PLANE VIDEO THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SNAKES OR UNITED 93: Check out this YouTube video, where a plane crash lands during a baseball game in Alaska. All four people in the plane were fine… and so was the announcer. (Deadspin)
- GIRL NEXT DOOR: Hugh Hefner’s next girlfriend. (Collegehumor)
- TATTOO REMOVAL: Charlie Sheen zapped his “Denise” tattoo. Though it probably would’ve just been easier to switch teams and date a dude named Denis. (Star)
According to news sources (via ontd), Jack White, of White Stripes/Raconteurs fame and his wife Karen Elson of Citizen Band /catwalk fame, have welcomed their first child, Scarlett Teresa into the world.
White–who suspiciously married Elson right after ex-girlfriend Renee Zellweger married Kenny Chesney–named the baby after his mother. But for while he was leaning towards calling her Suckitrenee .
Someone loves their American Idols so much they baked cupcakes in their likeness. We’re assuming Simon’s cupcake is devil’s food cake, Taylor’s is made from a mixture purchased in 1972, and Paula’s? Rum baba. Thanks damasters for adding this link to our Drop It section and giving us the mid-afternoon munchies. Vote for more user submitted posts you want to see on our front page or submit your own link, story or video to our Drop It section.
- Tom Cruise, yelling to Kanye West on TRL today: “Hey Kanye! See you in Harlem, brother!”. Nothing glib about racially stereotyping your “boy”, folks.
- In other Cruise News, TomKat have finally signed the prenuptial agreement their lawyers have been battling over for so long. She agrees to pretend she loves him, he agrees to pretend he’s got a grip on reality, and they both agree to pretend he’s not gay.
- Donald and Ivana are quibbling over who has the rights to the “Trump” brand, and all the vapid, idiotic materialism it represents.
- Flea is crying about “all the downloading” of the latest Red Hot Chili Peppers album. Luckily he has all those $100 bills to dry his tear-stained eyes with. Meanwhile, Neil Young totally sells out and offers his music online for free.
- K-Fed is seeking a threesome with Jessica Alba. In a related story, I am also seeking a threesome with Jessica Alba.
- MySpace-enhanced cell phones: now high school kids can further remove themselves from actual human interaction – on the go!
Forget about her reported trysts with Nick Lachey– according to Star magazine, Jessica Simpson has her eyes set on another musician that makes you reach for the radio dial: James “You’re Beautiful” Blunt.
A friend of Jessica says she was “determined to meet him” at the MTV Video Music Awards in Australia, and when she finally did she gave him her phone number and email address. Now, I’m not one to root against love, but I reeeallllyyyy hope this doesn’t work out. I mean, if they started dating it would increase the chances of a Jessica Simpson/ James Blunt duet… and I couldn’t possibly think of anything I’d want to hear less. Unless they had a three-way with Daniel Powter. Now THAT would be a bad day.
Our favorite improv group, (yes we like it even more than Drew Careys’ ) has done it again. In the past, the merry pranksters of Improv Everywhere have punk’d Manhattan by posing as McDonalds bathroom attendants and fans at an unknown band’s first gig. But on April 23rd, they portrayed something far more elusive: Best Buy employees. “Over fifty blue-shirted, khaki-panted “operatives” stormed the chain’s Chelsea location. The faux Best Buy employees hung-out – confusing customers and sales staff with their presence. ”
Big props to our own operative tellittosweeney for posting a link about the mission in our Drop Itsection. To see what else has been submitted, check out the user submissions. Check out Improv Everywhere’s recap of the prank here.