Check out this video called “Hezbollah Dating Service.” You know, when this dude isn’t spitting out hateful, racist, backward, rabidly insane rhetoric, he’s actually kind of handsome.
Remember many years ago, when Planet Hollywood was like a “hot destination” to grab a club sandwich and a diabetes cocktail? One of the highlights of the experience was the placemat, which featured yearbook photographs of your favorite celebs. You would see that certain heartthrobs were as poorly coiffed as you were at 16, and certain actresses you just knew were horrible people looked the part in their cheerleading skirts. It was a 1990′s version of “Stars, They’re Just Like Us”, and we felt better about ourselves.
Well, prepare to flashback to that fantastic feeling. People Magazine has a little featurette about stars before they were famous. Note how Nicole Kidman looks older at the age of 5 than she does now, and marvel at the expert face transplant given to Jennifer Aniston. Plus, there’s something about Brad Pitt makes us wanna “Jump Jump.”
Right off the bat I have to warn you: the audio in the video posted below is NSFW. Not even close. However, I should also warn you that it’s the funniest thing you’ll see all day. See for yourself.
Oh, wait. One more warning: you may never look at mayonnaise the same way again. Okay, I’m done warning you now. Enjoy.
Link via Gawker
Blind items can be a fun little Hollywood guessing game. In the case of the following blind item, the situation is so outlandish and crazed that we just had to post it. True or not, just picture yourself stumbling upon this little scenario:
A mole was in a club in Tokyo recently and witnessed perhaps the most bizarre incident I have ever heard. It was a very exclusive invite-only club and our mole was with a friend when it looked like it was suddenly ‘snowing’ inside the club. It wasn’t snow at all, but was actually thousands of small white feathers gently fluttering to the ground. His friend went to investigate and came back ashen-faced saying: “Go round the corner and tell me that what I’ve just witnessed is not a dream….
Ladies in the house, let me hear you scream! OK, so here’s the thing. When it comes to sports, there are only a handful of them that I’m passionate about: Tennis, World Cup, anything medal-related, celebrity poker… it’s a short list. But here’s a list we can appreciate: The Top Ten Pretty Boys in Sports. Although putting Johnny Damon ahead of a conspicuously missing Derek “Man with the Face of a Baby” Jeter is like reversing the evolution of man in many ways.
It’s a fun list, but we like to choose our sports crushes with more brains than vagina, such as speedskater Joey Cheek (and let me tell you, you haven’t lived til you’ve scrawled “Mrs. Cheek” all over your Hello Kitty diary, people.) This here list reads more like the Wide World of Hunks! Am I right? Ladies? Hello? Fine, be like that.
Now listen, I’m not SAYING that the recent terror plot foiled by the British government was actually a really clever viral promotion by Oliver Stone and the World Trade Center people… I’m just saying it’s pretty convenient, that’s all. What?
It’s the final PSOAP weekend of our lifetime (that’s Pre-Snakes On A Plane, obviously) and there’s not a whole lot to get excited about. Besides WTC you have the direct-to-video by way of theaters Tim Allen film Zoom, Veronica Mars’ Pulse, and a movie about dancing starring people I never heard of (Step Up). So what are you going to check out this weekend? Vote now!
- Paris Hilton’s kinkajou bit her on the arm this week. God knows what kind of diseases that poor animal contracted.
- Porn star Jenna Jameson has been forced to pull out of next year’s Lingerie Bowl for safety reasons. Though experts agree that pulling out still isn’t nearly as safe as abstaining from it all together.
- Keith Richards is using the brain damage he suffered when he fell out of a tree as an excuse to act mischevious. It gives him a break from his patented 45-year-old “heroin excuse.”
- Lindsay Lohan is rumored to be in danger of getting evicted from the Chateau Marmont, Hollywood’s legendary party hotel. Employees are already referring to Lindsay as the biggest mess since John Belushi.
- Actress Emmy Rossum says it’s easy to avoid the paparazzi. And the fact that you just asked yourself “Who the hell is Emily Rossum?” proves she’s right.
It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, August 10th! Dan Hopper is here to walk you through the best of Thursday night tv, including the Making the Band finale, America’s Got Talent, and Wild ‘N Out!
- SKANK YOU VERY MUCH: Jaime Pressly has unleashed her lingerie line. And her lingerie line has unleashed a whole bunch o’ boobies. (Popoholic)
- SHOT (THROUGH THE HEART): Bon Jovi still isn’t over his ex, Diane Lane. Probably because she’s the bitch who gives love a love a bad name. (D-Listed)
- CHALLENGE: Try not to make fun of Brooke Hogan. Seriously. Try not to. Are you trying? Don’t make fun of her. Ahh, forget it, she deserves it. (Mollygood)
- CREEPY MASCOT: “Franken Friar”, an oversized friar who’s returned from the dead to dance at Padres games. Suddenly the Philly Phanatic seems reasonable. (Deadspin)
- BANDWAGON: We couldn’t be the only site on the web NOT linking to the Heidi Klum Esquire photos, could we? Nope. (Hollywoodtuna)
Check out this clip from The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency on Oxygen. First, you have the model they’re interviewing, who I’m convinced is actually one of the Pre-Cogs from Minority Report. Then, you have Janice doing her best impersonation of Alex P. Keaton in the opening of Family Ties, with the kinds of results that are always better appreciated in slow-motion.
(Link via Gawker)
Speaking of Pre-Cogs (and how often can you make that segue?), check out this list of Cinematical’s Seven Bald Chicks.