jessica one.JPGJessica Simpson can’t sing. No, that’s not my opinion- it’s the doctor’s orders after they discovered a bruise on her vocal cord. Unfortunately for Jessica, the timing couldn’t be worse. Her new album A Public Affair dropped yesterday, as did rumors that Jess is dating John Mayer. The woman probably has a lot to say.

What she has to say, though, is up to you. What do you think Jessica needs to get off her (enormous) chest?

Email us at and we’ll feature our favorite ones here. Here’s the original, the blank one, as well as a few more examples to get you started. Have fun.

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While You Were Tracking Ernesto, Your Sketchy Neighbor…



Best Night Ever: Tuesday, August 29th!


It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, August 29th! Alan Noah is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Celebrity Duets, Rockstar: Supernova, and Million Dollar Listings!

…Of The Day



  • PROTEST SONG: It’s about time we start protesting certain things in this world. Like Paris. (The OK Go Away Paris Hilton Aparatus)
  • LIE: Want to impress your friends by saying you went to Justin Timberlake’s post-VMA concert, but don’t actually want to sit through Justin Timberlake’s post-VMA concert? Boy, do we have the website for you. (Stereogum)
  • WHAT’S THAT SMELL?: It’s Lindsay Lohan in a vial bottle! (Egotastic)
  • BOOBYLICIOUS MOMENT: Beyonce let it all hang out! And by ‘all’, we mean 1/18th of her areola. Gentlemen, start your engines! (Faded Youth)
  • LIFE LESSON: Foxy Brown learned that once you plead guilty, you can’t exactly go back and say “Uh, just kidding.” (Gothamist)

BWE Tuesday Afternoon Movie!


It’s the BWE Tuesday Afternoon Movie for August 29th! Every Tuesday, we’ll post a short film from our panelists, friends, and user submissions. Want to submit a movie? Send your short films and sketches to

This week, comedian Dave Hill takes us inside a movement studio for the stars. Enjoy!

(If it seems familiar, we did post this movie several months ago, but it got buried at the end of a Film Festival post, and it’s so weridly likeable, we had to bring it back!)

Worst Big Brother Prize Ever


DOOGIEHOWSER.JPGFor those of you who don’t watch Big Brother, allow me to break it down for you. A group of attention starved people/d-bags are picked to live in a house which they are not allowed to leave for months at a time, and have their lives taped, all while dining on peanut butter, jelly, and the blood of their competitors. The last one remaining wil win a million dollars (i.e. “chump change”). During their imprisonment, host Julie Chen will force these people to compete in random challenges that can reap big benefits, like an edible dinner, a car, or in tonight’s case…

A VISIT FROM DOOGIE HOWSER, M.D. Yes, Neil Patrick Harris will be making a special visit to the Big Brother house tonight, as part of a special “Christmas in August” reward. Christmas in August, huh? Well, if this is Christmas, then tell Santa to call it a life. Because unless we need an emergency teenage heimlich maneuver, or a 911 pimple popped, or can’t unlock our DOT-Matrix diary, we have zero interest in this so called “prize.” Of course, we’re sure this has nothing at all to do with Harris’ CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother, premiering on Monday, September 4, 2006, at 8:30 Eastern, 9:30 Central. Nothing at all.

We would also like to point out that it’s been years since anyone’s thrown a bone to Vinnie. We’re just saying.

Happy Birthday, Michael Jackson!


Today is Michael Jackson‘s 48th Birthday, and we couldn’t be more excited! We’re so excited, in fact, we put together this little card for MJ, which will be attached to our various gifts, and carrierer pigeoned to the “undisclosed location” where Michael is celebrating. Check out our card, and move your mouse over it to discover what gifts he has in store, as well as a special BWE message.

Leave all your birthday wishes/gift ideas in the comments.

LISTEN UP: Cookie Monsters of Rock



  • Brooklyn hipster-monsters TV On the Radio “Return to Cookie Mountain” over at Aquarium Drunkard.
  • Speaking of cookies and hipsters, The Hobby Box dunks the latest The Hold Steady track, “Chips Ahoy”, into his spilled milk.
  • I Am Fuel, You Are Friends knows that the only thing better than cookies is a list of rare tracks from the Sub Pop Singles club that you can download for free!
  • Last week Jeff Tweedy turned 39 years old, but to celebrate Muzzle of Bees gave his gift to us by posting a bunch of rare live Wilco tracks.
  • Scenestars will set you on fire with pictures, tracks and a recap (but sadly, no cookies) from the The Flaming Lips live performance at Lollapalooza.

PROPPED: A Tale of Two Steves


Thanks to reader urbanoms for dropping this video clip of funnyman Steve Carrell interviewing himself about his performance in Little Miss Sunshine (which is a fine film that you should definitely see if you haven’t already). This clip is just another example of why Carrell is quickly becoming one of the most likeable, respected comedy stars out there. Check it out, and drop us some more great stuff!

SIZZLER: Jessica Simpson and John Mayer Making Bad Music Together?


JessSimpsMayer1.JPGUS Magazine reports in tomorrow’s issue that Jessica Simpson, i.e. “The Voice of a Collageneration”, and John Mayer, i.e. “Douchey Scissorhands McWatson”, are an item. “But how can this be?”, you ask yourself. “Jessica Simpson has fallen ‘ass over tits’ for Dane Cook” your brain keeps repeating while you secretly cut yourself. We thought the same thing…

But get this. Jessica Simpson has lost her voice. While her album is set to debut tomorrow, she’s on doctor’s order to rest her vocals, as she has a “bruised vocal cord.” (We only hope it is NOT related to Dane Cook in any way.) And supposed new squeeze John Mayer? ALSO HAS LARYNGITIS. (Again, hopefully not Dane Cook related.) Could these two lovebirds be speaking one another sign language in a hidden location somewhere? We’re calling major conspiracy town — and we’re not gonna lie, we kinda like them together!