Best Night Ever: Wednesday, May 3rd

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, May 3rd! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Top Model, American Idol, Lost, and South Park!

…Of The Day

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  • IMPEACHMENT: RIP Commander in Chief. We just weren’t ready for a female president crappy show about a female president. (Zap2It)
  • YO MAMMA! INSULT: Yo Mamma is so mediocre, she doesn’t even deserve $134,121 compensation that a recent study reveals she’s worth! (My Way)
  • PLANE VIDEO THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SNAKES OR UNITED 93: Check out this YouTube video, where a plane crash lands during a baseball game in Alaska. All four people in the plane were fine… and so was the announcer. (Deadspin)
  • GIRL NEXT DOOR: Hugh Hefner’s next girlfriend. (Collegehumor)
  • TATTOO REMOVAL: Charlie Sheen zapped his “Denise” tattoo. Though it probably would’ve just been easier to switch teams and date a dude named Denis. (Star)

SIZZLER: Jack White and Karen Elson Have Baby!

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whitehead.jpgAccording to news sources (via ontd), Jack White, of White Stripes/Raconteurs fame and his wife Karen Elson of Citizen Band /catwalk fame, have welcomed their first child, Scarlett Teresa into the world.

White–who suspiciously married Elson right after ex-girlfriend Renee Zellweger married Kenny Chesney–named the baby after his mother. But for while he was leaning towards calling her Suckitrenee .

PROPPED: American Idols are Delish

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Someone loves their American Idols so much they baked cupcakes in their likeness. We’re assuming Simon’s cupcake is devil’s food cake, Taylor’s is made from a mixture purchased in 1972, and Paula’s? Rum baba. Thanks damasters for adding this link to our Drop It section and giving us the mid-afternoon munchies. Vote for more user submitted posts you want to see on our front page or submit your own link, story or video to our Drop It section.

While You Were Seeing Kanye In Harlem, Brother!

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  • Tom Cruise, yelling to Kanye West on TRL today: “Hey Kanye! See you in Harlem, brother!”. Nothing glib about racially stereotyping your “boy”, folks.
  • In other Cruise News, TomKat have finally signed the prenuptial agreement their lawyers have been battling over for so long. She agrees to pretend she loves him, he agrees to pretend he’s got a grip on reality, and they both agree to pretend he’s not gay.
  • Donald and Ivana are quibbling over who has the rights to the “Trump” brand, and all the vapid, idiotic materialism it represents.
  • Flea is crying about “all the downloading” of the latest Red Hot Chili Peppers album. Luckily he has all those $100 bills to dry his tear-stained eyes with. Meanwhile, Neil Young totally sells out and offers his music online for free.
  • K-Fed is seeking a threesome with Jessica Alba. In a related story, I am also seeking a threesome with Jessica Alba.
  • MySpace-enhanced cell phones: now high school kids can further remove themselves from actual human interaction – on the go!

SIZZLER: Jessica Simpson Has Bad Taste

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Forget about her reported trysts with Nick Lachey– according to Star magazine, Jessica Simpson has her eyes set on another musician that makes you reach for the radio dial: James “You’re Beautiful” Blunt.

A friend of Jessica says she was “determined to meet him” at the MTV Video Music Awards in Australia, and when she finally did she gave him her phone number and email address. Now, I’m not one to root against love, but I reeeallllyyyy hope this doesn’t work out. I mean, if they started dating it would increase the chances of a Jessica Simpson/ James Blunt duet… and I couldn’t possibly think of anything I’d want to hear less. Unless they had a three-way with Daniel Powter. Now THAT would be a bad day.

PROPPED: Improv Everywhere’s Best Buy Stunt

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latest.jpgOur favorite improv group, (yes we like it even more than Drew Careys’ ) has done it again. In the past, the merry pranksters of Improv Everywhere have punk’d Manhattan by posing as McDonalds bathroom attendants and fans at an unknown band’s first gig. But on April 23rd, they portrayed something far more elusive: Best Buy employees. “Over fifty blue-shirted, khaki-panted “operatives” stormed the chain’s Chelsea location. The faux Best Buy employees hung-out – confusing customers and sales staff with their presence. ”

Big props to our own operative tellittosweeney for posting a link about the mission in our Drop Itsection. To see what else has been submitted, check out the user submissions. Check out Improv Everywhere’s recap of the prank here.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Sweeps Week Cameos!

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steve-guttenberg-003.jpgTV Sweeps Week desperate ratings-grabs come in many forms: hokey plot twists, overblown weddings, huge cliffhangers and, most importantly, lots and lots of surprise guest “stars”. What we’d like to know is, which of the following cameo appearances are must-see TV (UPGRADE) and which ones are boring gimmicks not even a TiVo could love (DOWNGRADE)?

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Sheen Responds to Richards’ Allegations

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sheenCharlie Sheen has one-upped estranged wife Denise Richards’ TMZ interview, with a sit-down chat with an even bigger media titan: Jerry Penacoli. Who’s the bigger star now, b*tch?

While Charlie maintains that he’s no saint and that he’s the first to apologize for his actions and beg for forgiveness for all the dirty, dirty things he’s done, it’s Richards who’s gone too far this time. In fact, Sheen contends he’s a victim of her “psychological terrorism.” I think that’s a taupe on the terror alert color chart.

Watch the Extra interview here.

Is Anna Nicole Smith Having the Best Week Ever?

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anna_nicole_smith_150.JPGOn Monday, Anna Nicole Smith won a victory at the Supreme Court allowing her to pursue the billion dollar estate of her late ex-husband, who was almost 90 years old when the ex-stripper married him. She effectively proved to young girls across the land that you’ve got to fight!…for your right!…to profit from being sluuuuuuutty! And today the New York Daily News is reporting that Anna Nicole might be blessing humanity with the greatest addition to it’s gene-pool since Kevin Federline – her offspring!

Sounds like Anna Nicole Smith is having the Best Week Ever and decent, thinking Americans are having the worst!