…OF THE DAY

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  • HEADLINE: “Build your own Iraqi police squad for a little cash” (Yahoo!)
  • ATTENTION-WHORE: Jamie Foxx. Come on, dude – just go away for like, ten minutes. Please. (Fametastic)
  • TEACHER WHO CAN’T LEARN HER LESSON: The Tennessee teacher who just got out of jail for having sex with her 13 year-old student is still trying to holla’ at him. (Smoking Gun)
  • COMEDY GOLDMINE: This dude has interviewed almost every great comedian working today, including BWE’s own Christian Finnegan, Paul Scheer and Paul F. Tompkins! (One Trick Pony)
  • THREAT TO MOBY: Natalie Portman is being considered for the title of “World’s Sexiest Vegetarian”. (Female First)
  • NON-MUSICAL FRUIT: New gas-free beans. (ABC)

Wanted: Personal B*tch

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mysteryCheck out this Craig’s List ad posted yesterday by an undisclosed “Grammy nominated urban artist” in desperate need of a personal assistant. The anonymous celebrity is looking for some one who is “comfortable as a caregiver with some natural instincts” to:

  • be responsible at all times for artist’s timeliness
  • be a willing ear to listen to artist’s new creative developments
  • make sure he eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and late night meals as needed
  • handle daily personal needs for artist (all meals, shopping, packing)
  • make sure LA household is clean
  • help artisit change clothes

While the job requires 2 years of experience as a celebrity’s personal assistant, based on the job description we’re pretty sure an elder care nurse will feel right at home on the job. We have our hunches as to who this mystery artist is, but we want to hear from you. Leave your best guesses in the comments section…

(via ONTD)

While You Were Selling Your Stuff For Gas Money

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  • Mandy Moore was horrified when she noticed that Cosmopolitan magazine ran the headline “Orgasms Unlimited” next to her face. Boyfriend Zach Braff, meanwhile, bought copies for everybody he knows.
  • The rumor that the original cast of Saved by the Bell is reuniting to produce 30 new episodes of the show is nothing more than a big joke. The culprit believed to be behind the whole thing? Zack Morris, of course.
  • Critics hate Elton John’s new vampire musical. They think it sucks! Get it? Vampires! Suck! Oh man, that was TOO EASY! WOO!
  • Angelina and Brad will name their baby “Africa” because Angelina loves Africa. Thankfully, the child wasn’t born seven years ago when Angelina would have probably named it “Lesbians.”
  • Britney Spears has already fired her nanny. K-Fed is said to be extremely upset that he didn’t even get the chance to bone her first.

Are Pirates Having the Best Week Ever?

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piratesAhoy matie! if pirates are your thing, then you’re having an unbeatable week.
First Disney hops on the myspace bandwagon by creating a profile for the upcoming Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Sure they’re a little late to the game, but they’re giving away prizes for adds. (hey isn’t that cheating?)

Then Keira Knightley (ok she’s not a pirate, but some of her best friends are) is pronounced the new face of Chanel’s perfume Madmoiselle.

And if that weren’t enough, Teri Hatcher gets attacked by an exploding lightbulb on the set of Desperate Housewives. And to answer your question: yes she will be wearing an eye patch!

POLL: Who’s Sexier- Jessica or Ashlee?

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jessica ashlee.jpgEverybody’s favorite little sister, Ashlee Simpson, thinks she’s sexier than big-sis Jess.

“I’m taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers. I got lucky because my chest size isn’t completely massive.”

Now, she was joking around when she said it, but it still raises the question: Who do YOU think is sexier? Jess “The Chest” Simpson or Long Legged Ashlee. Vote now!

Cindy Margol-is-Desperate

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cindy margoli.jpgIsn’t it great that Cindy Margolis is back? And desperate.

After taking an 8 year break from relevancy (and we’re using the word “relevancy” verrrrry loosely here), Cindy seems to be everywhere these days. She starred in an episode of Celebrity Cooking Showdown (before it was yanked from the NBC lineup due to atrocious ratings), she’s supporting Team Nick (arguably the second most popular team in the Nick/Jessica division), and after all these years she has FINALLY agreed to do Playboy. Which is great. Beause after a decade of looking at pictures of Cindy wearing bikinis where we could see 9/10ths of her rack, it’s about time we get some closure. Those nipples better be made out of diamonds, that’s all I’m saying.

But anyway, we should all be thankful that Cindy is posing for Playboy in 2006… and that she didn’t do it back in 1986. Thank God for plastic surgery.

Borat Is Out-Kazakh-standing

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boratstill02.jpgIt’s starting to seem like Borat, probably the funniest of the many alter-egos of Sacha Baron Cohen, is turning up everywhere. Last week the President of Kazakhstan’s daughter spoke out in defense of the satirical comedian, insisting that the people of Kazakhstan (the country from which Borat claims to hail) should embrace the character’s humorous antics, as opposed to being offended by them.

Today, the forthcoming Borat movie got a glowing early review over at Ain’t It Cool News, who claims “it’s a comedy classic that people will still be showing their friends in 20 years”.

If you’re still not a Borat Believer, do yourself a favor and head over to YouTube to check out a whole bunch of his hilarious clips.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Tom’s Nike Commercial

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There are lots of conspiracy theories surrounding Tom Cruise and this video by curiousfury proves what we’ve thought about Tom all along: Tom’s getting kickbacks from Nike. Check out this spoof of Nike’s marathon commericials using footage from Tom’s movies. It’ll make you want to buy whatever sneakers Tom’s wearing (without the lifts)
(via Ad Rants)