UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Sweeps Week Cameos!

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steve-guttenberg-003.jpgTV Sweeps Week desperate ratings-grabs come in many forms: hokey plot twists, overblown weddings, huge cliffhangers and, most importantly, lots and lots of surprise guest “stars”. What we’d like to know is, which of the following cameo appearances are must-see TV (UPGRADE) and which ones are boring gimmicks not even a TiVo could love (DOWNGRADE)?

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Sheen Responds to Richards’ Allegations

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sheenCharlie Sheen has one-upped estranged wife Denise Richards’ TMZ interview, with a sit-down chat with an even bigger media titan: Jerry Penacoli. Who’s the bigger star now, b*tch?

While Charlie maintains that he’s no saint and that he’s the first to apologize for his actions and beg for forgiveness for all the dirty, dirty things he’s done, it’s Richards who’s gone too far this time. In fact, Sheen contends he’s a victim of her “psychological terrorism.” I think that’s a taupe on the terror alert color chart.

Watch the Extra interview here.

Is Anna Nicole Smith Having the Best Week Ever?

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anna_nicole_smith_150.JPGOn Monday, Anna Nicole Smith won a victory at the Supreme Court allowing her to pursue the billion dollar estate of her late ex-husband, who was almost 90 years old when the ex-stripper married him. She effectively proved to young girls across the land that you’ve got to fight!…for your right!…to profit from being sluuuuuuutty! And today the New York Daily News is reporting that Anna Nicole might be blessing humanity with the greatest addition to it’s gene-pool since Kevin Federline – her offspring!

Sounds like Anna Nicole Smith is having the Best Week Ever and decent, thinking Americans are having the worst!

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Take_On_Me.jpg

  • Have you heard of John Hughes? Not the seminal 80′s director John Hughes, but the seminal Hefty Records founder and son of the seminal 80′s director. 3Hive has the lowdown on John Hughes the sequal.
  • Devil in the Details has a remix of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy.
  • WFMU’s Beware of the Blog introduces us The Shuttleworths, a family of four part harmony that never, ever existed.
  • Audiography has an Add cover of A-Ha’s original Take on Me. While there’s no cartoon romance in this version, there is a violin.
  • Persephone’s Bee’s song Nice Day is the antidote to Daniel Powter’s Had a Bad Day. Thanks MOKB, we need that.

While You Were Waiting for Tom to Get Out of the Subway

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eminem and kim

24: The Deleted Scene

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You think you know 24? Well, I bet you didn’t know there was a scene that they deleted in the first season. A very intense one, where Jack receives an important phone call at the worst possible time. Good thing he has Verizon. In the words of Jack Bauer, Check it out… NOW!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Denise Dishes Online?

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denise.jpgWe already mentioned it, but I can’t stop thinking about this bizarre interview with Denise Richards over at TMZ. You know you’re one pissed off celeb when you’d go so far as giving “exclusive” interviews to online gossip sites in which you stand in a poorly-lit hallway and talk sh*t about your ex-friend who used to be on Melrose Place. Denise, why not just grab a megaphone, wrap yourself in tin foil, and set up shop down on Hollywood Boulevard, telling the “truth about Charlie” to any tourist who happens by?

Classy.

PROPPED UP: Please, Bell – Save Jessie!

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Big ups to reader laughterkey for dropping this heeesterical fake trailer in which Jessie Spano is saved by her friends – and maybe the bell – from the horrors and indignities of herbal supplement stimulant addiction! And thanks to reader Damin for pointing us to Stuff Magazine’s related parody, SBTB: The Addiction Years.

SIZZLER: TomKat’s Prenup

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tomkatLast year, Katie Holmes’ rumored starting salary for being Tom Cruise’s gal was $5 million dollars. But she’s shown so much initiative in her first year alone, by passively promoting Scientology, getting knocked up and even going the extra mile to follow Tom across the globe during the third term of her pregnancy, that the Cruise corporation decided to give her a raise.

Tom Cruise has reportedly given Katie a prenuptial agreement worth over $40 million. Sources say the actress will receive a trust fund of $15 million even if she doesn’t wed Cruise, and if she does she’ll earn another $25 million in the event of a divorce. Sure it’s a lot of money in a short amount of time, but based on her performance we think she’s earned every penny.

It’s Tom Cruise Takes Manhattan Day!

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kingkong.jpgLast week we leaked Tom Cruise’s exclusive itinerary for today’s full-blown land, air and sea assault on our lovely New City of York. However, we’ve now received word that, because these plans have become so public, Tom has altered his route and schedule. Not to worry, though – we have also obtained his new itinerary, presented below:

2:30pm Arrive @ Rawhide Bar in Chelsea
212 8th Avenue
New York, NY

3-5pm Auditing and Cleansing @ Church of Scientology Celebrity Center
65 E. 82nd Street
New York, NY
Read more…