Captain Hasselhook?

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david-hasselhoff-007-img.jpgIs there anything that actor/singer/German treasure/all-around Renaissance man David Hasselhoff can’t do? The BBC is reporting that The Hoff is now adding the ancient art of pantomime to his formidable performance resume, having recently accepted the role of Captain Hook in a London stage presentation of Peter Pan.

If anyone ever makes a sequel to Being John Malkovich, I sure hope it’s about what life is like inside the head of The Hoff.

It’s Thursday; What’s up?

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tv set.jpgIs it that time of year already? Is it already time for our favorite television shows to start wrangling in guest stars to get us excited? The OC seems to think so. Tonight Samaire Armstrong takes a break from having a “Bad Day” to return to Orange County, along with recently ousted American Idol contestant Lisa Tucker. That’s just one of the many reasons to cancel your plans and spend tonight curled up on your couch watching TV. What are you watching tonight? Vote now!

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Heather Locklear’s Men

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Heather LocklearWhen it comes to TV shows Heather Locklear has chosen roles on hits like Melrose Place, but she’s also picked a few stinkers like LAX. Well, when it comes to her choice in men, it’s not all that different.

From rockers to comedians to sitcom actors, some of Heather Locklear’s male companions have been large and in charge(UPGRADE) while others have been nothing but poison.(DOWNGRADE). Which of her lovers were studs and which ones were duds?

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: C for Cookie

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This Sesame Street spoof of V for Vendetta is flat out amazing. For years I’ve been saying that the Elmo should stop making fluff pieces and really sink his teeth into something gritty (Well, if he had teeth, that is.) C for Cookie is the perfect way for him to start. Link via Gorillamask.

The Nanny Diaries, Starring Boner Stabone

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scarlett boner.JPGWhen you’re an actor there are certain occupational hazards you have to deal with. Sitting inches away from the sexiest woman in the world and staring directly into her eyes just so happens to be one of them.

Judging by these pictures, Scarlett’s The Nanny Diaries co-star Chris Evans performs his own stunts. I’m sure if you asked him about these pictures he’d break out the classic Curb Your Enthusiasm “awkward pants” defense, but I’m not buying it. She’s Scarlett Johansson. No jury in America would you convict you, Chris, it’s okay to be “excited” to work with her.

More pictures of Scarlett, Chris, and their… um… co-star, by clicking below. Read more…

While You Were Detained at the Airport

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  • Snoop Dogg gets arrested for causing a riot at a London Airport. But when Scott Stapp and a supermodel are arrested for the same thing, it somehow doesn’t seem so tough.
  • Jessica Simpson is ‘heartbroken’ from Nick’s tell-all album. How could he co-write that generic song that’s probably about her?
  • Michelle Rodriguez blames steroids for her arrest. Too ripped to be legal.
  • Broadway preps for staged version Legally Blonde.Who doesn’t love an evening of theater live reenactment?
  • America’s first supermodel Janice Dickinson vamps for the camera. I guess when you’re the first, you don’t have to be the best.

…OF THE DAY

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  • HEADLINE: “Build your own Iraqi police squad for a little cash” (Yahoo!)
  • ATTENTION-WHORE: Jamie Foxx. Come on, dude – just go away for like, ten minutes. Please. (Fametastic)
  • TEACHER WHO CAN’T LEARN HER LESSON: The Tennessee teacher who just got out of jail for having sex with her 13 year-old student is still trying to holla’ at him. (Smoking Gun)
  • COMEDY GOLDMINE: This dude has interviewed almost every great comedian working today, including BWE’s own Christian Finnegan, Paul Scheer and Paul F. Tompkins! (One Trick Pony)
  • THREAT TO MOBY: Natalie Portman is being considered for the title of “World’s Sexiest Vegetarian”. (Female First)
  • NON-MUSICAL FRUIT: New gas-free beans. (ABC)

Wanted: Personal B*tch

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mysteryCheck out this Craig’s List ad posted yesterday by an undisclosed “Grammy nominated urban artist” in desperate need of a personal assistant. The anonymous celebrity is looking for some one who is “comfortable as a caregiver with some natural instincts” to:

  • be responsible at all times for artist’s timeliness
  • be a willing ear to listen to artist’s new creative developments
  • make sure he eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and late night meals as needed
  • handle daily personal needs for artist (all meals, shopping, packing)
  • make sure LA household is clean
  • help artisit change clothes

While the job requires 2 years of experience as a celebrity’s personal assistant, based on the job description we’re pretty sure an elder care nurse will feel right at home on the job. We have our hunches as to who this mystery artist is, but we want to hear from you. Leave your best guesses in the comments section…

(via ONTD)

While You Were Selling Your Stuff For Gas Money

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  • Mandy Moore was horrified when she noticed that Cosmopolitan magazine ran the headline “Orgasms Unlimited” next to her face. Boyfriend Zach Braff, meanwhile, bought copies for everybody he knows.
  • The rumor that the original cast of Saved by the Bell is reuniting to produce 30 new episodes of the show is nothing more than a big joke. The culprit believed to be behind the whole thing? Zack Morris, of course.
  • Critics hate Elton John’s new vampire musical. They think it sucks! Get it? Vampires! Suck! Oh man, that was TOO EASY! WOO!
  • Angelina and Brad will name their baby “Africa” because Angelina loves Africa. Thankfully, the child wasn’t born seven years ago when Angelina would have probably named it “Lesbians.”
  • Britney Spears has already fired her nanny. K-Fed is said to be extremely upset that he didn’t even get the chance to bone her first.