Some might call it coincidence, other might call it a trend. Yesterday, Daniel Baldwin (the Baldwin you have trouble picturing right now) crashed a rented Thunderbird into two parked cars (including a Hummer) while travelling at 80 mph. Reports now say that Baldwin was driving under the influence, although they haven’t specified whether it was the influence of alcohol or his leading man good looks.
And last night, doe-eyed angel Haley Joel Osment lost control of his pimped 1995 Saturn and slammed into a brick pillar. While there is no word as to his condition, here’s hoping all that robot talk in A.I. wasn’t a joke, and that Osment will be back to his creepily friendly self in no time.
We hate to be superstitious, but you know the old saying: B-List Tragedy Happens in Threes. Which is why we have this little word of advice to send out into the universe: Jonathan Lipnicki, whatever you do, do not set foot in a car. Walk, rollerblade, hang glide if you have to… but don’t drive! You’re the only way my dream of Jerry Maguire 2 will ever be realized.
Whilst walking through the jungle as they always do, a TMZ camera crew accidentally stumbled upon a species known as the Paris Hilton. After a mutual moment of fear and confusion, the Paris Hilton agreed to engage the paparazzi in an “impromptu” Q & A session, specifically addressing the recent outbreak of “mean comments” people have been leaving about the Paris Hilton on the Internet. Apparently, the Paris Hilton doesn’t like it when people say “mean and sadistic” things about her, and sometimes it makes her very sad. Even when you have millions of undeserved dollars and life of luxurious comfort that most of the world’s population will never know, it hurts when anonymous people say bad things about you in the comments section of Internet sites. It particularly hurts the Paris Hilton that the viscious blog readers who leave these comments haven’t even bothered to take the time to get to know her in person so that they might see what kind of beautiful, compassionate being she actually is. You people should be ashamed of yourselves – the Paris Hilton has feelings, too.
Shea Hess is here to take you through the best of Wednesday night TV, including Rock Star: Supernova, So You Think You Can Dance, and Work Out!
What you’re seeing on the left is a picture of Clerks star Jason Mewes from back in 2003 before going to rehab for heroin abuse. What you’re seeing on the right is a picture of the same man, now clean, at the recent premiere for Clerks II. Who needs frying eggs and stupid slogans when you have THAT sh*t?
(screencap via iFilm)
If you’ve ever wondered how freaky Joel Siegel and his porn-stache get, the answer is finally here: Not… really… that freaky at all. As reported in today’s Page Six, movie critic Joel Siegel stormed out of a screening of Kevin Smith‘s highbrow comedy Clerk’s II, screaming while scrambling for the aisle “Time to go! First movie I’ve walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!” (Although, I distinctly remember seeing him flee the theater in the middle of Splash, Too.) The tasteless scene that caused the walkout? Two characters debating whether or not to hire a woman to perform sexual favors on a donkey. Siegel, a famous ass lover and punster, would never tolerate such baseless humor.
Smith retaliates with a long-winded anti-Siegel diatribe on his personal blog (I didn’t get to finish, as I stood up halfway through reading it, announced “I’m leaving”, and stormed out of my office for the first time in 3 minutes.) Then, this morning on the Opie and Anthony Show, Joel Siegal gets the Punk’d-style treatment, when Kevin Smith, on the line anonymously, chides the critic for his unprofessional actions. (You can hear the mp3 here.)
If you want our opinion, Smith should be combing every stache-hair on Joel’s face as thanks for this free publicity. The highlight of the affair will be what headline Siegel ends up pundering. In case he’s a little low on ideas, here’s a few to inspire him:
These “Clerks” Aren’t Worth Checking Out
“Clerks” Are Jerks With None Of The Perks
Silent Bob Should Keep [Bleeping] Mouth Shut
Clerks II — More Like Clerks Doo Doo
All Jokes Aside, I Want To Die
Lindsay Lohan, David Spade, and Kid Rock engage in a karaoke threesome. God must have been out picking up his dry cleaning or something.
Any ideas as to who the Fourth Horseman is?
When we saw these photos over at A Socialite’s Life, we only had one thought: something seems missing. So check out the examples below, grab our photoshop-friendly template after the jump, and send your best (or worst) version to firstname.lastname@example.org. The winner will get something awesome.