As you know, Star Jones and Joy Behar got into it on when Star called into The View to talk about her breast lift. Watch as Joy writes a note to her cohosts (I’m guessing it read something like, "Get her off the phone!"), then cuts off Star, then gets bleeped when she says that she hopes that Star’s boobs are perky. In the end, you can hear Star say that Behar is still a bitch. Great stuff.
In case you missed last night’s Gauntlet 2 season finale and reunion, here’s a brief summary:
- The rookies won.
- Kina and Cara inexplicably hate each other.
- Robin has brown hair now.
- Cara and Montana both hooked up with Jamie during the show.
- And host TJ Lavin almost butted heads with Syrus during one heated gauntlet (remember guys, it’s just ‘Name that Coconut’)
But the biggest news of the night was Mark’s long-awaited retirement. The original road rules cast member who’s outlasted Eric Nies on MTV reality spinoffs is finally hanging up his cheezy bandana. While his myspace page explains he’s retiring from the MTV reality cycle to host a brand new show on FOX called Reality Remix- we wonder if our forboding post last week had anything to do with his decision. (note the irate comment from "renaldo").
If you’re not already reading the sporadically-updated blog of A-list Hollywood screenwriter Josh Friedman (War of the Worlds, The Black Dahlia), you really should be. Even if you only have a passing interest in screenwriting, or even none at all, Friedman is consistently hilarious, entertaining and insightful. Like William Goldman, but angrier and way more funny. Anyway, here’s an excerpt from his latest post – a mediation on mortality, and the ways in which our words can help us live on:
"Our words will always outlive us, immortalizing us if not always powerful enough to make us immortal. Although if we choose our words well, there will always be a way back to life, a way to and fro
through time…If we choose our words well there need not always be a last. If we choose our words well there will always be a way to find us. I have chosen my words. They are:
There are motherf**king snakes on the motherf**king plane."
- Desperate Housewives G-lister Jesse Metcalf and his posse roll deep. However, not deep enough to get through the front door at Teddy’s nightclub. Or the back door.
- Paris and Starving Nachos, however, did get in. Ouch.
- Ex-boybander Justin Timberlake is set to play the lead role in an action movie similar to Rambo. In other pop singer action movie casting news, Michael Jackson is The Predator.
- Coming in 2047: cyber-George Clooney and geriatric pal Brad Pitt star in Ocean’s 47.
- The Bachelor couple broke up in like a week, yet The Biggest Loser couple just got engaged. Score one for the nerds.
- John Kerry hates celery. But not as much as he hates America.
We think Katie Holmes has been a great partner to Tom Cruise throughout her pregnancy. Our only complaint is that she’s way too noisy. While she usually lets Tom do most of the talking, the few times she does speak her voice threatens to bother the baby. Which is why we’re thrilled Katie decided to birth her baby in complete and utter silence.
In fact, she’s not the only one who can’t make noise. Tom has posted a sign outside their mansion requesting silence and slow physical movement anywhere near the unborn baby. Any loud noise from Katie, the doctors or any one else involved in the birthing process could be detrimental and irritating to
Tom, we mean the baby.
Hey, guess what, after watching WifeSwap, Prison Break, 24, and The New Adventures of Old Christine last night, I’m willing to say that I had the best night ever. Check it out.
Star Jonescalled into The View to talk about her breast lift, and apparently Joy Behar got sick of hearing about it. After Jones talked about for a while about how the lift was quite a hoist, Behar took the bull by the horns:
… Behar grabbed a pen and furiously scribbled a note, then gestured to Meredith Vieira to read the note, tapping the paper for emphasis. "Last Friday was my 44th birthday, but my boobs still think they’re 20," Jones said – and that’s when Behar heard enough. "OK, Star. That’s enough about you. On to us. ‘Bye," she snapped.
Behar was bleeped when she added "Keep your [breasts] perky!" in a mock-cheerful voice. "I’m glad to see you haven’t changed," Jones shot back. "Even today, you are still a b***h," she said before the call was abruptly cut off.
Do I detect a note of jealousy?
- BRIDGE GAME: Pat Boone, Sam Donaldson, Ice-T, and Ron Jeremy. They all appear in the documentary F*ck (at least I think that’s what it’s called).
- SAAAAA-LUTE! To the late Buck Owens, host of Hee Haw and a truly great guitarist.
- BALDWIN BROTHER: Stephen. He was joined by the Catholic Citizenship organization in his battle against a porn store near his house.
- POSSIBLE AMBIEN SITUATION: Man divorces wife in his sleep. Sohela Ansari and her husband Aftab were forced by Islamic leaders to split after she told friends that her husband said "talaq," or divorce, three times in his sleep.
- ANSWER TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND ZETA: 42. Just read.
- SONG BY ME: "Don’t Cancel Tony" A desperate plea. (right click, save as)
Just like grandma, Disney knows more about sex than you gave it credit for. Two sex-ed films by the iconic children’s entertainment company have been floating around the Internet. One’s an informational guide to menstruation that makes your period seem like a visit from a fairy godmother. The other is a war-themed film on how to fight STD’s (called VD’s then) told from the perspective of a pooh-shaped disease who also happens to be a general. Apparently in those days, to cure yourself of an STD, all you needed was a little soap and a good pee.
Scarlett Johansson tops this year’s FHM "100 Sexiest Women In The World" poll. I have no problem with that.
- Rod Stewart is set to guest star on an upcoming episode of American Idol. While parents are set to have to explain to their children who the creepy old wrinkly man is.
- Reese Witherspoon is sick and tired of the press’ speculation that her marriage to Ryan Phillippe is on the rocks. Phillippe, meanwhile, is just happy to get a mention.
- Ocean’s 13 is gearing up to start filming, but Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones won’t be involved. And after seeing Ocean’s 12, neither will I.
- Bruce Willis thrilled Bruce Willis fans by appearing on stage with the Allman Brothers on Friday night. Allman Brothers fans said to be devastated.
- Morrissey is boycotting Canada on account of their annual seal hunt. Seal boycotting Canada for the exact same reason.
- The WWE announced the launch of the WWE Music Group. Upon hearing the news, Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Tatanka bolted right to the studio to start laying down tracks.