Who cares about all the boring talentless starlet clamoring to impress Brett Ratner paparazzi shots from Cannes when there are all these lovely photos of the sexiest man in Kazakhstan cavorting along the beach in the south of France. Borat’s in town to promote his self-titled big-screen debut, which has been getting mad buzz since it’s premiere screening. If it’s even half as awesome as that bathing suit, I think it could be the breakout hit of the year.
Tonight, Ryan Seacrest is left to perform a thankless task. On national television, in front of a massive viewing audience, he will be forced to break the news to
Katharine McPhee one of the two remaining American Idol contestants that they will not be the next American Idol.
Thankfully, Ryan has a lot of experience delivering bad news.
Need proof? Just read this great McSweeney’s piece by Sarah Schmelling and you’ll see that throughout history there hasn’t been a better bearer of bad news than Seacrest. As if there was any doubt.
- Paris Hilton is paid $200 grand to wave. But if you want her to do more, her price is negotiable.
- Kirsten Dunst’s movie Marie Antoinette in bad shape atCannes. Her teeth are still in worse shape.
- X-Tina Aguilera gets drunk. Slurs the word ‘dirty.’
- Janet Jackson miraculously loses a 60 pounds. Must be same rigorous fitness regimen as Star Jones.
- Kevin Federline’s days are numbered. Luckily he can’t count.
- Sandra Bullock gets a restraining order from stalker. Goes by the name of Keanu Reeves.
- Kevin Spacey almost quit being an actor before he got famous. Great, so now he’s never going to quit.
Hollywood’s sexiest Namibian-nesting couple have finally set a date… to have their baby. It looks like the little f*cker just doesn’t want to come out. So if he doesn’t budge by June 3, he will be forcibly removed
by induced labor by us.
- The Runout Groove is up to their eighth installment covering Pulp’s discography. Damn I love those guys.
- My Old Kentucky does it again- today they have a ton of artists covering Elvis‘ “Suspicious Minds” and The Pixies‘ “Where Is My Mind.” Just do yourself a favor- don’t download the James Blunt version. Blech.
- Dodge isn’t the only guy who can post a bunch of different versions of the same song; San Diego Serenade has 6 versions of “Honkey Tonk Woman,” including takes by The Rolling Stones, Humble Pie and The Black Crowes.
- Speaking of classic rock, head on over to Good Rockin’ Tonight and download a couple of tracks by Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show. They deserve your attention because not only are they the “Cover of Rolling Stone” band, their lead singer wore an eye patch. That’s good enough for me.
- And finally, Hi-Fi Popcorn has a handful of solo tracks by Alec Ounsworth, the lead singer of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Check them out, then do whatever the hell you want with your hands.
It all started with Brandon Davis calling Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch and it all ends here. Meet Juanita, a 20 year-old Los Angeles student and Lindsay Lohan fan/protector, who stood outside an LA nightclub and verbally destroyed Brandon Davis (watch footage here). Her killer lines like “No wonder Mischa left you” and “What does your own sh*t taste like?” have sent Brandon into Osama-style hiding.
So we tracked down Juanita and asked her over Instant Message how the whole thing went down: i just saw him and was like “hell no”
And if she has anything else to say to him: i wish i would have told him to grow some balls
Watch out Brandon, that’s just the beginning…Read our complete Instant Message Interview with Juanita aka Brandon Davis’ worst nightmare, after the jump.
If you didn’t catch Ellen this morning (or if it’s not required viewing at your work), you missed one incredible musical number by Jack Black. The entire show was supposed to be a musical and every guest performed a song. But Jack Black’s number will go down in history. He sings, he dances, he’s hilarious. So grab your lunch and take a few minutes enjoy a number that will knock your socks off.
Thanks to dalsie83 for Dropping this video of what’s sure to be the greatest Dog Vs. Man movie since Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch— Karate Dog. What makes it so special? Well, can you think of another movie that features a computer generated karate-chopping dog AND Academy Award winning actor Jon Voight? Didn’t think so.
Last week on the subway I saw the very first ads for Comedy Central’s newest original series, Dog Bites Man. I’ve got to say, I’m not the biggest fan of the network that brought us comedy gems like Blue Collar Comedy and Mind of Mencia, but this show looks really funny. First of all, the cast includes the under-appreciated comedy genius that is Zach Galifianakis, who thus far hasn’t achieved any real breakout success despite being one of the funniest human beings on the planet. From the producer of Da Ali G Show, the mockumentary-style show lampoons a hapless local news team portrayed by performers from the Upright Citizen’s Brigade and Stella. While these folks don’t have the most successful TV-ratings resumes in the world, the ingredients for original, irreverent comedy are definitely there. Dog Bites Man doesn’t premiere for a couple weeks, so in the meantime check out a video preview here.
Buried a few paragraphs into Blender magazine’s otherwise pointless interview with 80′s hair metal godess Tawny Kitaen, is this interesting little nugget of gossip regarding Laguna Beach’s 15 minutes-of-famer Kristin Cavallari:
“I owned a store called Tawny K. We were painting on a Sunday and I get this call from these four girls from Laguna. Theyâ€™re begging me to please just let them see the store. So I did. When they start to leave, I get this feeling somethingâ€™s wrong. My boyfriend stops one girl and sheâ€™s got merchandise in her purse. The three other girls start hauling ass. I call the cops and when the girls come back, theyâ€™ve got pants, underwear, tops. They take them to jail, handcuffed, the whole thing. I donâ€™t press charges. Cut-fade, two weeks ago, thereâ€™s a split picture of Jessica on one side and this girl, Kristin, from Laguna Beach, on the other and my daughter is like, ‘Oh my God. She was the one who stole from your store.’ And now sheâ€™s this big thing.”
Let that serve as a warning to all boutiques, jewelry stores and Abercrombies in Laguna Beach – now that Kristin is realizing she’s not going to be the famous movie star she’d hoped, her fingers might start to get pretty sticky again…